Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | 1 USERS: D YOU GRADE IT Indian Summer
By Wing Chun | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.26.1999
Glark: Who is that?
Wing Chun: That's Skeeve. That's the girl who fellated Dawson in the season premiere.
Glark: That never happened.
Wing Chun: It did so! Hey, thanks for reading my recap, jerk-ass.
Glark: Wow, she's gross.
Not! Line: Ring!
Wing Chun: Not.
Sars: I didn't know there was a Chinese character for "skank."
Wing Chun: See, I need to check my book, because I thought that was the character for "contrivance."
Sars: Well, you know some characters can combine the sense of more than one word, so maybe we're both right.
Wing Chun: "Skankivance"?
Sars: Exactly.
Back in Dawson's room, Dawson sticks a Band-Aid on Skeeve's elbow and demands an explanation. Skeeve pouts, "Thanks to your nosy-neighbour antics out there, Dawson, I fell down and went boom. Kiss and make better?" Ick. I won't even stand for baby talk when it comes from a baby, so to hear it coming out of Skeeve's cake -- or whatever -- hole is a lot more than I can take. Dawson tells her that the police are going to be there any minute. Skeeve sticks out her ass and arches her back and generally undulates gracelessly all over Dawson's bed while telling him that she and Jen are having a "torrid affair" involving sleepovers, pillow-fights, tickling, and more clichéd tropes of girl-girl action. Dawson, having none of it, yelps, "There was a breaking. There was an entering. And there was a flashlight. All that was missing is a ski mask." Skeeve feigns shock that even the prospect of hearing about her alleged lesbianism with Jen could deflect Dawson from his mission of finding out why Skeeve was there, and then, getting up on her knees while somehow also moving every one of her muscle groups, coos, "Can we just, like, make out or something?" Standing firm (in more ways than one, no doubt), Dawson tells her that either she tells him her version, or he'll tell the police his. Skeeve tells him to do whatever his "big, bleeding heart wants," but adds that she has "a filthy, four-letter word" for him: "P-S-A-T, baby." He asks if that's some kind of threat, and reminds her that she was the one who actually stole the test -- although we still have no evidence that she stole anything; she could have just forged it. Skeeve tells him that he accepted it willingly enough, all the while crawling toward Dawson on her hands and knees. Hey, Skeeve? The role of Catwoman has already been cast, so would you mind holding still for five seconds? Thanks. There's a knock at the door downstairs. Skeeve goes on: "So feel free to get all Boy-Scouty on me, Dawson, but you should know, I get quite the perverse little thrill out of making things profoundly uncomfortable for you and the rest of the Sweet Valley High extras you call your friends." Given that it's Brittany "Jessica Wakefield" Daniel delivering this line, that might have been kind of funny, were it not for the fact that she was shimmying her shoulders and baby-talking and generally chewing through more scenery than Ann-Margret on crystal meth. Dawson glares at her and stomps downstairs. Skeeve, because she is incapable of any other facial expression, smirks after him.