Episode Report Card M. Giant: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Edgar, Dead! Grr.
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 12 | Aired on 03.05.2006
Fucked-up Accent Guy is sneaking around the hallway. A rifle-carrying Redshirt is not anywhere near as sneaky, and as he comes running around a corner, Fucked-up Accent Guy fells him with a home run clothesline that nearly flips him upside down. Fucked-up Accent Guy hauls the poor Redshirt to his feet at gunpoint. The closed captioning quotes him as saying, "You're going to help me get out of here." I'll have to take closed captioning's word for it.
Now Fucked-up Accent Guy and his fucked hostage are both being tracked by video, as Chloe reports that they're in the north corridor. Edgar picks this moment to tell Chloe that he's going to go check on Carrie. "Go ahead," she bitchfaces hatefully. The video shows Fucked-up Accent Guy pointing his gun at the surveillance camera, and in a flashy bit of editing, we're in the corridor with him when the camera gets blown away. They make it to an isolated exit somewhere, and Fucked-up Accent Guy forces the Redshirt to try to open the door with his thumbprint. When the door not only fails to open, but starts emitting its own alarm, Fucked-up Accent Guy pushes the Redshirt away and shoots him twice in the chest. And my God, it's about time. Thirty-six episodes since they put the supposedly dispensable guards in red and they just now get around to killing one off? Ah, well, there'll be plenty of catching up soon. Fucked-up Accent Guy steals the dead Redshirt's walkie-talkie and makes himself scarce.
Buchanan's still running the search from the floor, calling out Fucked-up Accent Guy's location into his headset. Kiefer's on his way at 6:55:03, gun drawn. The first person he finds is actually the dead Redshirt, and he quickly makes note of the missing radio. Knowing that Fucked-up Accent Guy is listening in, he tells Buchanan that their quarry is headed up to the roof via the stairwell. Buchanan doesn't get it, until Audrey waves him over to show him that Kiefer's making some kind of signal into the nearest surveillance camera to indicate that he's lying. Alas, it's not a big, broad vaudeville wink. Buchanan plays along and pretends to send Kiefer in the wrong direction, and Fucked-up Accent Guy smirks at his own cleverness, not knowing that Kiefer is actually closing in on him. He heads for the nearest door, and is just about to set off yet another alarm when Kiefer appears behind him and yells at him to freeze and drop the gun. Fucked-up Accent Guy obeys, because hey, he's got another weapon tucked into his waistband. Except when he whirls to try and shoot Kiefer, Kiefer shoots him first. Because it's dark and his target is partially obscured, the shots are fatal. He reports back to Buchanan. Spawn and Barry are arriving down on the floor as Buchanan asks Kiefer for an ID. But Kiefer's more interested in something else he found: the timer -- whose display I can't read -- and Fucked-up Accent Guy's GameBoy, which is still showing the schematic of CTU's ventilation system. It's not a big leap from there to the likelihood that this is a nerve gas attack. "Order an evacuation," Buchanan says to no one in particular, and then bellows out at the whole floor, "Code Six! Everybody out! Go, go!" Every screen in the place, from the big screen to desktop monitors, suddenly has a big red badge with a giant white "E" for evacuation on it, as extras and Redshirts start bailing. The speaking cast, for some reason, are all still standing there in the middle of the floor, including Spawn and Barry, just waiting for someone to tell them what to do. Audrey says into her headset that she has Spawn with her, and Kiefer says to keep it that way. Chloe's desk phone rings, and for some reason she answers it.