Episode Report Card Miss Alli: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Fans And Favorites Are Neither
By Miss Alli | Season 16 | Episode 1 | Aired on 02.06.2008
The fans are very excited, however, to see Jonathan, so suck it, Jeff Probst. I think that may actually be the warmest reception yet. I was saying to someone recently that Jonathan has just aged beautifully as a contestant, in the sense that when he was on, he seemed awesome, but the more of the game you see, the more awesome he seems to have been. The straightforward way he handed the game to the good people instead of the dipshits and pretty much saved the season? The way he loved his wife all simply and non-show-offily? The total refusal to moralize about villains any more than you would in Monopoly? I think his legend has only grown, so I'm not surprised the fans are excited to see him.
And then Eliza steps out, and they have no idea who she is, either. Now, I have a weird soft spot for Eliza for a couple of reasons, despite the fact that I think she's really annoying, but I will say that for sheer memorability, she is the hardest pick in this group for me to justify, and the one I'm most surprised they made. Vanuatu is a really...barely-remembered season, and if people remember anyone, they remember Twila and Scout; possibly Chris (who won, remember?); perhaps Julie for being Jeff's girlfriend; and maybe Ami for being so mean. But Eliza? I really don't think so. I'm not being mean, I just...really don't think so. That doesn't make her a bad pick, necessarily, at all; I wasn't sure why they picked Amber for the first All-Stars, and she turned out to be part of a really interesting story the second time around. But if you're going for who people like and remember, I just...Eliza? Also? Still has eyes like a lemur. And the pink Yankees cap? Really? I didn't think anyone really wore those; I thought people just gave them to their wives and girlfriends as really ill-advised Valentine's Day gifts.
The crowd goes wild at the sight of James, and indeed, Jeff Probst reported in a recent media call that a good chunk, though not all, of the China season had aired, so these people do know who he is. My favorite part is that the big giant muscly dude on the fans team -- who, ten seconds ago, was The Big Giant Muscly Dude -- takes a couple of pokes in the ribs, like, "So that's not good for you, huh?" But he assures us (Joel, the firefighter, that is) that he was happy to see James, because he can't wait to dethrone James as the biggest, strongest guy ever. Hey, perhaps you can dethrone him by coming in better than seventh!
The funniest part of the whole reveal is where Parvati walks out, because everybody is like, "Wait, who? Ohhh...okay. The one...wait, she was on the white team? Okay, right. Yeah." And then there's this pause, and their brains all go, "Wait, her?" I guarantee you -- I promise -- nobody is over there thinking, "Parvati is one of my Favorites! Eeeeee!" That is some seriously polite applause she's receiving as Jeff Probst carefully pronounces "Par-va-TEE," and she turns around all sassy and says, "Thank you, Jeff." He was saying "Poverty" again a couple of weeks ago in actual time (not show time), so whatevs, studly.
Aaaaand...Yau-Man! And now the alleged fans are really, seriously happy. This is the one person, out of all ten, that the fans are most excited about, which kind of seems like it would cast doubt on Jeff Probst's constant stream of insistence that the Fiji season was a total failure because nobody "compelling" made it far enough. And by "compelling," Jeff means "Rocky." Anyway, these ten people think Yau-Man is very compelling, and they literally jump up and down with delight. Kathy ("Golf Course Vendor") (So she...sells things at a golf course? Sells golf courses? Sells time on golf courses?) pronounces his name "Yowman," as in, "My name is Stuart Yowman, and I am here to do your taxes," but she says that she was really jazzed to see him. She immediately gives me the heebie-jeebies, for some reason.