Episode Report Card Miss Alli: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Fans And Favorites Are Neither
By Miss Alli | Season 16 | Episode 1 | Aired on 02.06.2008
Parvati interviews that she totally is going to win this time, and it's her second try, so she has to. She says, as the rest of us already know, that there was nothing to her Cook Islands game except flirting, as we see her slowly attach herself to James's hip. She offers him a piggyback, and he jumps on her, and it's all going to be downhill from here, you can just tell. She swears to us that while she may look like she's flirting, she'll actually be "playing smart this time." She also says that James is really the only guy she can flirt with. (Jon has the girlfriend, Jonathan is married AND ridiculously out of Parvati's league, Ozzy she's already had if the rumors are true, and Yau-Man probably is immune to her charms, I suspect, so...right on.) James interviews that Parvati is "attractive" and is "one of them sex-kitten types," which he digs. Is Parvati a sex kitten? Can you call a woman you just met a sex kitten? I have questions.
That night, Ozzy and Amanda have a chat about how honest and trustworthy he is, and how he's one of her favorites! Eliza does an absolute classic Eliza-style interview, in which she snippily says that she has "keen powers of observation," and that she has noted that Amanda and Ozzy are clearly circling each other, as are James and Parvati. So the way Eliza has it figured, those four people need to be taken care of, since you don't allow pairs to go very far, AHEM. You might remember this lesson from previous All-Star editions or something. And then there's this great moment where they're all saying good night, and Parvati is like, "Good night, favorites!" all chirpy. And then you hear Jonathan grumpily say, "'Night, favorites," in this disgusted scowling voice, and it's so awesome. He hates Parvati's guts so much, you guys. He has one fear at this moment, and it's losing to Parvati. And that really makes me...if he turns into the Lex, I'll cry until my pillow is soaked with bitter tears.
The fans, meanwhile, are still working on their shelter, because they took a little too much time, they say, to decide what they were doing about a location. They huddle as it starts to rain, hard, and I sense that they're all beginning to get a sense of what this may be like. Kathy is all weepy as she talks about how hard it is, and I'm thinking that is not a good sign for her ability to cope. I mean...it's the first day, lady.
The morning of Day 2 comes to the Malakal tribe (of favorites). Ozzy appears to be rubbing something on Amanda's back, and Parvati is all craftily saying to James that she's "sleepy," and he's all smiling with the "I know you are," and DID THEY DO IT ON THE FIRST NIGHT? Because...yeesh, people. Don't you have any respect for dramatic structure? Give the editors an opportunity to build a little tension. And let Production hide the lipstick cameras. Elsewhere, Ami, Eliza, Yau-Man, and Jonathan decide that they will form a little alliance. Four people, and they figure that the two couples will also be a foursome. "I love you guys," Ami and Eliza both chant, and you can sort of imagine the looks on Jonathan and Yau-Man's faces, even if you can't see them. Eliza interviews to recap the situation, and then they all discuss what person to get for a fifth. Jonathan wants Jon. Blech. Eliza wants to throw up.