Episode Report Card Demian: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Suck This
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.17.2002
Back in the office, the tingly touch is applied with the expected results. Piper invites Phoebe to dine with herself and the Dolt. Phoebe accepts. Raige's NIPPLES beg off, for they don't want Sam thinking they're big losers for waiting hours on end for him to appear. Piper and the Dolt exit as Raige's NIPPLES hold Phoebe back for a quick chat. THE NIPPLES suggest Phoebe have a private, sister-to-sister confab with Piper, and add that this was the reason THEY orbed to Casa Del Sole looking for Phoebe earlier in the day. Phoebe goes apeshit upon learning THE NIPPLES orbed to the aerie after she forbid them to do so. THE NIPPLES offer a sincere apology, but Phoebe pffts at THEM and storms out of the office.
Outside in the parking lot, Raige wanders over to her Volkswagen alone. She stops for a moment when she hears an unnatural but brief shrieking sound, then continues blissfully on. Her guard thus down, Raige never sees the "bat" swooping down to dive-bomb her neck. She crashes face-first to the blacktop, and we get a "bat's"-eye view of her prone form before a swarm of the things careen out of the sky to attack every bit of exposed flesh on her body. Needless to say, they have a vast area of exposed flesh from which to choose. Jesus, these little fur balls are fake. As is the "blood" they're meant to be extracting from her veins. It's almost as if the properties department wadded up strips of brown shag carpet remnants, rolled them around in ketchup, and then stood just outside the frame to pelt Rose McGowan with the results. Eventually, Raige drops into unconsciousness, and the swarm of flying "rodents" shriek and squeal up into the sky as a crane shot pulls up and back and into commercial.
Back from the break, Raige lies in a hospital bed, weak and weary and scarred from the attack, yet still able to joke about her predicament with the doctor in attendance. Piper, Phoebe, and the Dolt barrel in from the hall to pepper her with questions. Raige explains as best she can. Piper finds it all very odd, but the doctor assures her bat attacks are not unheard of in San Francisco. All Raige needs is a lot of bed rest and a painful series of rabies shots, and she'll be as good as new. The doctor's pager chirps, and he excuses himself from the room. Once he's gone, Raige admits she suspects vampires had something to do with the attack. Phoebe waves her hand at this, claiming vampires attack in human form, not as a swarm of airborne rats. The Dolt exposits that vampires "have been ostracized from the Underworld for centuries," and that as far as he knows, "they're part of a whole different network now." Thank you, Dolt. I'm sure Joss Whedon appreciates the in-joke. Lord knows someone has to. I suppose. The doctor re-enters with a nurse in tow. They need to draw some of Raige's blood for a few tests, after which she'll be allowed to return to the Manor. Phoebe eyes Raige's blood spilling into the collection vial in the nurse's hand, and faints dead away onto the floor.