Episode Report Card Demian: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Suck This
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.17.2002
A couple of chambers over, The Sole blazes in just as Lizzie and Raige dart past. He TKs Raige violently to the floor, where she remains, unconscious, for the rest of the scene. The Sole's looking mighty fine in his calf-length black overcoat with his black turtleneck and matching pants, by the way. The evil ones really do tend to get the best clothes, don't they? "Bite this," sneers The Sole, slamming an FBOD right between Lizzie's implants. The FBOD tears an actual hole through her chest, which is something novel. Lizzie shrieks a bit before exploding.
Back in the non-vampy neck of the cavern, Piper, Phoebe, and the Dolt stop short when the cloud of "bats" squeals as one behind them. They turn to see each member of the colony drop from the ceiling in a fiery bomb to sizzle into individual grease spots on the floor. Piper quickly guesses some force has vanquished the queen, and screams Raige's name repeatedly.
Meanwhile, The Sole conjures an FBOD, which he thoughtfully bounces on his outstretched palm as he approaches Raige's prone form. After a moment, he crunches the FBOD between his hands and mutters, "In-laws." He blazes out just as Piper enters, followed presently by Phoebe and the Dolt. Raige staggers to her feet to let them know the new Source brought about the vampire Armageddon. However, she didn't get a chance to see his face. The gang frets a bit about why the new Source would vanquish Lizzie yet leave them alone before Piper says, "Screw it," and they all orb topside.
Manor sun porch, the following morning. Over coffee, Raige reluctantly admits to Piper that she initially met Sam Sam The Vampire Man at the Casa Del Sole. Piper one-ups Raige by copping to a few suspicions of her own regarding "a lot of little things" Cole's been doing lately. The "no orbing" rule. The "don't go after the vampires" argument. You get the picture. The two agree they should approach Phoebe with their concerns, but realize they must avoid hurting the nittering dimwit's fragile feelings in the process.
Over in the Casa Del Sole, the gentleman of the house answers the jangling cordless to find Raige on the other end. She asks for Phoebe. He lies that Phoebe's still sleeping, and offers to take a message. Back in the Manor kitchen, Raige stutters that she'll call back later in the day, and hangs up. Raige turns to gaze bleakly at Piper.
Phoebe emerges from the bedroom to join The Sole at the table. He basically orders her not to chase demons in the future. Of course, he couches this in language of concern for her well-being, but that's the gist of the conversation. Phoebe lacks the testicular fortitude to tell him to fuck off. He heads off to his office as the telephone rings again. Phoebe rises to take the call. It's the doctor from act one, going off in act three with the results of her blood workup. "I'm...I'm...what?" Phoebe gasps. Seventy-three-year-old retiree Bertha Nowicki, trapped beneath her bathtub since a tornado rolled over her split-level ranch on the outskirts of Kenosha an hour ago, screams, "YOU'RE PREGNANT." Phoebe drops dead. I'm sorry, that should read, "Were this a perfect world, this would be the point where Phoebe drops dead." Imperfect as our world is, Phoebe merely faints, dropping the receiver as she goes. The doctor bleats what Mrs. Nowicki screamed scant seconds ago as the camera slowly cranes up from Phoebe's body and we smash to black.