Episode Report Card Jessica: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Box And The Bunny
By Jessica | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.04.2006
At Casa Suarez, Papa Suarez is deep in this drama, while Justin reads and Betty tells them all about Natalie Whitman. "Never heard of her," Papa says. "HELLO! From the Jenna Fletcher movies? 'You do the math!'" Justin says. This doesn't seem to ring a bell with Suarez Sr. Betty is straightening up the living room, and takes The Book out of this really loud woven knapsack. Justin is simultaneously thrilled and appalled that Betty has The Book. Betty can't believe he even knows what The Book is. Justin reminds her that he "saw Prada, like, seven times." He flips right to the masthead, and finds her name. Which is spelled "Betsy." Betty is taking this in when Hilda comes home after a long day shilling Herbalux. "No matter how many times I explain it, no one has a freaking clue what an antioxidant is," she complains, and hands Betty a package she found on the stoop. It's a gift from Walter: batteries. Betty sniffs that "Prince Charming is really going the extra mile." Hilda tells her to give the poor boy a break: "Walter cares for you." Really? Because to me, a gift of nine-volt batteries from your ex just says, "Enjoy the extra juice for your vibrator. You're going to need it without me." ["Nine-volts, though? What do they even go in other than smoke detectors? Hook a girl up with some double-As she might actually use, damn." -- Wing Chun] Betty says that Walter should have thought about how much he cares about her before he LEFT HER for Gina. This is, I think, a good point. Betty finally distracts Hilda with The Book, and the whole family flips though it for a bit. Papa Suarez thinks that they "need to get some Latinas" in the editorial, to give things "a little flavor." Justin turns to the Natalie Whitman spread and lets out a disgusted "ewwwww, Natalie Whitman is still fat!" Betty is impressed that Daniel decided to go with the non-Photoshopped pics after all. She thinks this is great! Justin thinks it's awful.
A knock comes at the Suarezes' door; it's their Trashy Neighbor Gina, who wants $4000 to replace the plasma TV Betty broke in her hissyfit over Walter last week. Betty implies that a smashed TV is what Gina gets for stealing Walter away from her. They sort of get into it, and Hilda finally steps in, threatening to smack Gina with The Book. Betty begs her sister to be careful with The Book -- which is covered with stickers that say things like "CONFIDENTIAL" and "PROPERTY OF MODE" all over it -- and tells Gina to leave. Gina eyes The Book thoughtfully and reminds Betty that she did a year in juvie. She's a bad seed. And with that warning, Gina storms out. Hilda yelps that she wants to kick Gina's ass, just as her father comes back into the living room. "Did I miss something on the telenovela?" he asks.