Episode Report Card Aaron: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Dead women tell no tales
By Aaron | Season 2 | Episode 5 | Aired on 03.30.2002
Aaron from The Bible: Dude. Enough with the supposed shout-outs. Not everything is always about you, you know.
Aaron Sorkin: Ahh, but sometimes it actually is.
Hank Aaron: Yeah, and what's up with that? Are you TRYING to piss off the media? Or were you just confused by the inexplicable blind loyalty shown to you by some of the more, uh, "ardent" posters around here.
Aaron Sorkin: Whoa! You'd best keep quiet there, buddy. You're only in this club on a last-name waiver, so I'd be careful if I were you.
Aaron from TWoP: You know, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Shut up, Aaron.
Aaron Sorkin: Hey! You can't talk to me like that!
Elvis Aron Presley: Why? Are you going to faint again?
Aaron from TWoP: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!
Hank Aaron: Heh.
Aaron Spelling: Hee hee! Wuss.
Aaron Sorkin: Yeah, well, we'll just see who's laughing when I write an entire episode about this. That'll teach you.
Aaron Burr: I've got a better idea. What do you say we step outside? Elvis, my good man, fetch me my derringer.
Still in bed, David is once again awakened by a ringing phone. This time he lets the machine get it, and just listens as the Little White Sex Dork calls to say that he had a really good time on their date, "especially the making-out part." David, who's holding a towel to his obviously aching head, collapses back onto the pillow.
Cut to Brenda, watching as Hooker Scrunchieface goes down on her client. It's just not Six Feet Under without our weekly dose of oral sex, is it? The client is fond of talking dirty, and orders our girl to make that Scrunchieface he likes so much while she works. Well, I guess that beats whistling. Brenda's face is blank as she takes in the scene. Cut to later, as she returns home and laughs nervously at what she's just done.
Over at the Fortress, the DGDJ's funeral in progress, with an organist belting out the tune she requested. Nate is the only one there, and he looks bored. So bored, in fact, that the music morphs into a hard-rock groove, and we're suddenly watching Nate's fantasy of appearing a music video, complete with lights, guitar, and screaming teenage girls. All I can say about Nate's singing is that it makes me long for the days when he would walk around silent but shirtless, regardless of whether he was "tufty" or not. He's brought back to reality by the arrival of Ruth, who's somehow managed to organize an entire service for this woman by wandering all over the house, collecting various Fishers and their employees and forcing them all to attend. As the family assembles, Claire wonders what they're all doing there. Her brothers both make a constructobabbling joke, with Nate remarking that "her roof has bad shingles" or something. "I had shingles once," says David. Heh. Rico is still pissy about not having been able to fully restore the body, but before we can explore that oh-so-exciting subplot any further, the service begins. Hey! There's Father Jack! He's back! He's also delivering a long homily that further serves to drive home our theme of the week. Then he quotes the Bible. I'll spare you the transcription.