Episode Report Card Aaron: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Dead women tell no tales
By Aaron | Season 2 | Episode 5 | Aired on 03.30.2002
When my picture comes back, DangerSlut and her black leather pants are complaining to Claire about having been blown off. She also claims that hiring a test-taker was her mother's idea, and that the girl she used got "three people into Yale and five into Harvard." But not Princeton, which apparently doesn't care what you get on your SATs. Claire seems way more upset than she should be about this somewhat questionable betrayal of their friendship, and spits out that she never wants to see DangerSlut ever again. Failing to feel the love, Parker departs in a huff. She also announces her intention to fuck George, whom she describes as a "total horny little freak." Claire literally throws the book at her, and the scene is over.
Upstairs, David brushing his teeth, and fantasizing about his future with the Little White Sex Dork. "David Fisher and Benjamin Cooper invite you to a holiday open house," he voices-over. "Merry Christmas from Ben and David. Happy holidays from the Cooper-Fishers. Fish & Coop, new this fall on ABC!" Heh. I wouldn't put that one past ABC, either. After all, they are putting Ed Begley Jr. back on the air this summer. Suddenly there's a knock at David's door, and he opens it to reveal Keith, still in uniform and still in shock over the shooting. David invites him in and offers him a beer, but Keith comes right out and confesses to the shooting. David tries to be understanding, but Angry Keith resurfaces for a minute to shout, "He's dead, you fucking idiot!" David ignores the insult, and watches worriedly as Keith breaks down in tears. "I'm so fucking stupid," he sobs. "I never killed someone before. I can't live with this." "I don't know how to help you," says David. "Do you want to pray?" The look of disdain on Keith's face is definitely enough to answer that question, and even if it weren't, the fact that Keith now plants a giant kiss on David's lips should help to give away his real intentions. David looks shocked for a moment, but then decides to go with it. They kiss again, and we fade to white.
Fade back up on the Body Shop, where Rico is sad to report that he was unable to fix up the DGDJ enough for an open casket. Nate says that's fine, but Rico still has to give a long litany of woes about his home life and the skin that was "frickin' POURING off that woman's face." Say it with me now: "Shut up, Rico." Also, ew. Nate repeats the fact that he's fine with this, and Rico gets apologetic. "If it'll make you feel any better," says Nate, "I don't think there are even going to be any mourners." That does, in fact, make Rico feel better, and he walks away.