Episode Report Card Niki: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Flirting with Disaster
By Niki | Season 2 | Episode 12 | Aired on 02.06.2001
Dilemma Café. "Lily it's not as bad as you think!" Judy exclaims, then jokes, "I wish I had your problem. Random guys coming up to me, telling me I'm like an eclipse." Uh, you did. A couple of weeks ago. Except it was better than a random guy: it was Will Gluck. "Very funny," Lily says with no trace of humor. "This is very hard for me." Judy looks thoughtful for a second before suggesting, "Well then, talk to Christy, girl to girl. She'll understand." Two flaws, of course: it's debatable whether Crusty actually is a girl, and it's a fatal error to think she has an ounce of empathy. Lily seems struck by the advice, though. Uh oh.
We see Lily enter Crusty's office apprehensively. She looks a little shocked by what she finds: Crusty sprawled on the floor, eyes closed, and breathing deeply. Oh my god, she's about to shed her skin! Oh, actually, she's just doing yoga. She tells Lily that she should try it sometime – it'll "change [her] life." Lily moves to Crusty's desk and sits on the edge, apologizing in advance for coming to her with this problem. "I don't know how to say this," she falters. "Just...say it," Crusty breathes, unconcerned. "Graham...is hitting on me," Lily states. Crusty pops up off her mat like someone zapped her. "What?" she asks. Lily tells her, "It's much more complicated than that. He seems to be in this fragile place, emotionally, and he thinks he feels something for me." Crusty smirks knowingly, "Ugh. Typical." Lily takes a second, and then starts with, "I thought I needed to talk to you about this --" "Men!" Crusty interrupts, her voice disparaging. "We sent one to the moon. Why not all of them?" She smiles at her little joke and rolls up her mat as Lily says, "Well, obviously I need to confront him." Crusty snaps out of her relaxed state: "What do you mean, 'confront him'?" she demands. "Confront him. Tell him to stop," Lily explains. Crusty says she doesn't think it's a good idea. "What are you saying?" Lily asks. Crusty sighs at Lily's stupidity and snaps, "All right, Lily?" Then she launches into an abbreviated version of Office Flirtation for Dummies: "This kind of thing? It happens a lot. In an office situation. It's like a game? It's a stupid game that men play, but if, you know, you can just ride it out..." Lily asks whether that means she's supposed to do nothing. "Well, what can you do? Walk up to him and demand that he stop caring about you?" Crusty mocks. "You would be laughed out of his office." Lily hops adamantly off the desk and anchors her hands on her hips, saying, "Christy, it's more than that and you know it!" Crusty lays it on the line: "You know I loathe this guy, but we're not at a point of no return here. All I'm saying is just...deal." Lily is agape. She follows as Crusty stows her mat and asks, "Have I gone down the rabbit hole?" she asks, clearly trying to maintain a grip on her calm. "Do you hear what you're saying?" Lily cups a hand to her ear for emphasis. "Lily," Crusty warns. Lily's hand flies to her chest. "Lily, think. Who is Graham Rampolski?" Lily is shocked: "What are you saying?" Crusty is icy cool: "I'm saying he hasn't even touched you. I'm saying I want you to handle it without confronting him. You're a big girl. Just don't make it any worse than it is, okay?" Lily looks like Crusty just hoofed her in the gut. Lily is getting angry now, and there's an edge in her voice as she answers, "I'm not planning on making it any worse than it is. But he has to know that he –" "All right, do you know what?" Crusty barks. "Graham Rampolski, whom I despise, is this magazine's last best hope. No Graham, no PagesAlive. If he leaves us, do you think these venture capitalists will keep funding us? They'll disappear, right along with their money." Lily shakes her head in disbelief. Crusty makes it clear: "There's nothing I can or will do to jeopardize this magazine." Except act entirely petty and unprofessional, spend money irresponsibly, and possibly set the company up for a sexual-harassment lawsuit, you mean. "Do you understand me?" she asks, glaring slightly. Lily stares at Crusty for a minute, wounded, then leaves without saying a word.