Episode Report Card Deborah: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Show Of Hands
By Deborah | Season 2 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.06.2005
Later, in her room, she's looking up information online regarding careers in interior design, when she's interrupted by the most annoying popup ad ever: God. In the form of a toothy blonde woman in front of a palm frond/sunset background. Wait: I thought God didn't pop? Frink: "Gives whole new meaning to 'spyware.'" Joan grumbles about God being in a popup ad for a bit. Deus in Machina asks her what she found at college. Joan: "People playing Frisbee. Which I could do. But I also saw huge books, tons of homework and term papers." She wants God to get out of the way so she can get back to finding out about the big money in interior decorating. Deus in Machina: "You found more than Frisbees and homework." Joan wants to know if God expects her to call Tutor Man, as she refers to him. Deus in Machina smiles and gives her a little "toodle-oo" kind of wave and then vanishes. Joan fishes the flyer out of her bag and studies it.
After the commercials, Joan's meeting Jeremy/Brendan/Drue/Ernest/Roger at some coffee house. He's in a lime green bowling shirt with yet another name on it. I think it's Le Roy. I hope Le Roy looked better in lime green than you do, pal. Joan thanks him for coming "all the way up here" to meet her. Roger says, "Anything to encourage higher learning in someone who has great potential and incredible eyes." Yeah, he's all about the academic achievement. Joan doesn't know quite how to react to that, so she eventually settles on a nervous giggle and then asks what makes him think she has great potential. He says he was a high school goof-off too until his junior year, when he realized he was heading for aluminum siding school. Joan says it's interior design for her. Roger remarks, "Suggested by your oh-so-encouraging, mildly condescending, 'I'm your buddy' guidance counsellor?" Joan: "Tuchman? How do you know him?" Roger says every school has a Tuchman. It's news to Joan. Roger says, "The point is, everybody's ready to write you off every minute, especially if your skills are not on the surface." Joan: "Like I discovered last night that I have some idiot savant thing with Rock Paper Scissors, like, I never lose." Joan laughs and Roger keeps smiling like a game show host. Joan thinks that sounded dumb. Roger tells her, "No…you could have an instinctual feel for algebraic theory." Joan: "Yeah?" Roger says he figured out that there's always a way to work the system: "College is no different -- just figure out the formula." I really don't get what he's driving at. If she's not going to get in through the standard achievement-related channels, what's left? Nepotism and buying your way in through big endowments? Neither is an option for Joan, I'd imagine. What's the "game" that she can play? Joan wonders if he can teach her how to do that. He says he can tell she's a quick study. He hands her two papers: "Your syllabus/reading list, and my hourly rates and cancellation policy." Joan balks at the hourly rates and says, "I think maybe the dream dies here." He offers to cut his rate in half if she treats him to a hamburger once a week, and if she mentions him in her memoirs once she's famous. Well, how very skee-- I mean, "generous" of him. Joan laughs and thinks that sounds like a good deal. They shake hands. Roger keeps on smiling his game show host smile and Joan laughs nervously. Yeah, I feel good about this. You?
Lily and Helen are having a study session in the Girardi kitchen. Lily's ransacking the cupboards and cookie jars, putting together a snack for herself. It occurs to me that maybe Helen and Will should set her up with Chewy. They could have a good time wrestling over the last Devil Dog. She's telling Helen about her most recent date, in which her date learned she's never seen an X-rated film. He couldn't understand how that was possible, and she wondered, "What part of 'nun' don't you understand? They weren't screening them at the convent. So he says, 'We'll have to rent one.' And I'm all, 'Where's a time portal when you need one?'" Helen wants to get to the Beatitudes, "because I think I've finally memorized them." Lily says that Helen's favourite part is usually hearing about her pathetic love life. Helen: "I know, but I've been getting into fights with my husband and I'm not sure I believe any of this anymore." Lily: "Wow. Well, that will, uh, certainly interfere with your confirmation. You and Will are fighting about religion." It's not a question, coming from Lily. Helen: "Yes. Constantly." Lily: "And not about that babe who's his boss." Helen: "Are you suggesting that my husband is cheating on me? Because that's ridiculous…and offensive. Why would you even say that?" Helen's voice is in another octave than when she started. Lily: "I didn't! You did." Helen makes a constipated face. Lily: "So you're abandoning this to keep the peace? I mean, you were drawn to it for a reason, and now you're just gonna shut it down? All your questions, and curiosity about the point of existence?" Helen's defensive: "Hey, plenty of people get through their lives without needing to know what it's all about." Lily: "Get. Through." Helen closes her books, saying she doesn't think they're going to get much work done today. Lily thinks they got a lot of work done.