Episode Report Card Rachel Stein: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Far, Far Away
By Rachel Stein | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 05.06.2012
In case you're wondering, Caroline and Kathy are talking about how terrible Teresa is.
Now Teresa and Melissa are yelling at each other how wonderful Joe is, and Melissa's like, "He's so great, I actually just wrote a song called 'So Great (My Man)' and it will hit iTunes after this conversation!" Somehow divorce gets brought up amongst other nonsense and Melissa calls Teresa "Miss Matriarch," which is also coincidentally the name of her upcoming album, I think. Melissa screams at Teresa to finally just apologize to her, Teresa calls her a bitch, both of their voices get really high, Teresa calls Joe out on not being confident, Melissa says she doesn't want to get in between the siblings and it's more of the same until Teresa totally gets pushed into a corner when Melissa calls her out on not buying her kids birthday gifts. Busted, Teresa flips over her car and starts screaming, "PROSTITUION WHORE!"
Seriously though, she tries to calls Melissa materialistic and totally fails (since she's the one who started the fight about buying presents for the children), and then she's reduced to once again imitating her voice in the most infuriating way possible, backpedaling and compares talking to her with conversing with a wall. Melissa calls her a coward, and for some reason, this comment is the final straw. Teresa gets all up in Melissa's face. God, the fact that neither woman knows how to win this argument shows you how terrible they both are at everything. Then in my favorite moment of the episode, Kim slithers out from the shadows for a moment and Melissa is like, "Go back to your hole, snake woman! Also, that's the name of my new fragrance line hitting CVS pharmacies this winter!"
Melissa goes to collect her posse while Teresa gets in her car to talk about the fight with Kim, blaming everything on her brother. Everyone's screaming at each other in the parking area, mostly in Teresa's general direction about talking to her stupid brother herself. Teresa asks if he's at home, and Melissa's like, "I have no idea," to which Teresa smugly replies, "Oh you don't know where your husband is?" Melissa backfires some sarcasm and says how embarrassed she is about all of this drama. At least she realizes she's part of the problem, right?
Next week: Manzo brothers are rewarded for being so perfect, Jacqueline Skypes with Ashley(e) and more rehashing about the gold digger comment... which, if you can believe it, "Rehashing" will be the name of the Melissa Gorga Denny's omelet special in participating restaurants for the next week. Bon appétit!