Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT When the chips are down...
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 21 | Aired on 04.28.2003
Cate Warner's Home for Turd-Faced Girls. Kiefer is on a laptop, trying to retrieve information from the chip. Unfortunately, one of those "unable to load program" messages pops onto his computer screen. Soul Patch gets on the line and demands to know why Kiefer wasn't at CTU as scheduled over an hour ago. Kiefer explains that they ran into some "interference," and that PoorMan'sArmandAssante is dead. Soul Patch wants to know more details, but Kiefer doesn't have time to explain. The chip isn't working. He put it in a "flash card adapter" and everything. Uh, where'd he get one of those? Bitchelle gets on the line and tries to talk him through a retrieval of the information. Meanwhile, Kiefer wants Soul Patch to give him a background check on EvilChrisElliott and cross-reference the name -- since it might be an alias -- with "every major player in the oil industry." Kiefer also wants Soul Patch to call the President and tell him he's got the necessary information to prove that the Cyprus tapes are a forgery. Soul Patch tells him that he already called him, and that the strikes have been called off, for now. Kiefer is all, "Good, then we've got some time." Soul Patch is all, "Not necessarily," and explains about how Chappelle told him that the orders to bomb might be re-implemented. "Something's going on in Washington," says Soul Patch. "Something we're not supposed to know about." Soul Patch hangs up. "Bitchelle, are you ready for me," says Kiefer, sending her the information.
The Trial of David Palmer. Silence. I guess they just all had a break or something because nothing's been going on for the past two minutes. You can say that for sure. "I've asked someone to join us," says PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig. He introduces Weiland (Nosy Reporter) to the cabinet as "someone who had a very interesting experience today." Uh oh. Weiland just starts speaking -- he doesn't wait for specific questions or anything, like it's a monologue -- and testifies about getting imprisoned by Palmer when he threatened to run a story about the B-O-M-B. "Do you feel this was a violation of your First Amendment rights as a journalist as well as an American citizen?" asks PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig. "Of course," says Weiland. Palmer asks him if he was harmed. Weiland responds that he was not. Palmer asks him if he knew why Palmer acted the way he did. Weiland answers that he supposed his story could lead to mass panic, and people might get hurt. "Do you think that the lives of thousands of citizens [are] less important than a few minutes of your First Amendment rights?" asks Palmer. "No I don't," says Weiland. "But according to the Bill of Rights, that decision was mine!" Shut up, Wei-sel. PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig asks if he had the sense that things were out of control in the Palmer Administration. Weiland answers that he had the sense that Palmer was not in control. Palmer argues that nothing was out of control, and that he had a legal precedent for what he did to prevent the story from running. Weiland is excused, and PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig promises another surprise guest in just a few minutes. Aw, he's like Ryan Seacrest, but for the Geritol generation.