Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | 2 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT None Of The Above
By Wing Chun | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.12.1999
Sars: Not.
Wing Chun: I was trying to call you!
Sars: I was trying to call you.
Wing Chun: I need you to explain the PSAT to me.
Sars: Oh, God. Well, for one thing, the ETS is run like the Kennedy compound, so the odds that someone could get an advance copy of anything out of there....
Wing Chun: Damn, it's back on.
Sars: Okay, I'll call you next time.
The envelope sits on a table in the room where the PSAT prep was going on in the previous scene. The soundtrack plays the bass guitar riff of moral quandary, while the producers have apparently kidnapped a cameraman from the set of Law and Order, because there's some freaky hand-held shit going on throughout this scene. Pacey doesn't think that an envelope deserves this kind of hushed interest, but Joey draws his attention to "the fine print" on the tiny address sticker that reads "ETS" as in "Educational Testing Service." Now, again, I'm just a humble Canadian, but I'm thinking that the ETS is probably a powerful enough organization that it could afford to have envelopes printed with its logo on it, as opposed to having to use the free address stickers that the Humane Society sent to try to get the ETS to donate money. Eventually, everyone surmises that the envelope contains the test, and Andie asks where it came from. Dawson tries to evade the question, but Joey muses that it was probably someone with "golden locks and a name that rhymes with 'Steve.'" Pacey says he loves Eve. Joey says, "Once again, Dawson Leery proves that the groin is mightier than the brain." Heh. Jen asks whether anyone has bothered to look inside, and astutely points out that "anyone can just whip up a label." Pacey leaps into the fray and goes to open it, only to have Andie harangue him about returning to the ranks of "academic loserdom." Pacey suggests that Andie open it, on the grounds that she's been pretty comfortable with cheating lately. Ouch. Jack tells Dawson to take it back where he got it, so that they can all act as if they've never seen it. Jen says that there's no harm in peeking, and Pacey says that if they go beyond peeking, he can have "a detailed crib sheet in half an hour." Dawson tries to make the argument that, since the test is (in the principal's words) "a game," they might as well at least discuss cheating. Joey insists that cheating is wrong, besides which it's only the PSATs, and no one is even required to take the test, much less do well. Dawson adds, "Unless you want to qualify for a National Merit Scholarship." This shuts her up. What follows is an illicit game of hot potato. First, Jen passes it in Jack's direction, since he's been "too busy getting the crap beat out of [him] to study." He, in turn, suggests that Andie should open it, since she really wants to go to Harvard. Andie looks at Pacey and implies that he should open it, since "a failed relationship has put [him] in the emotional wringer, and [he] just [doesn't] care these days." He passes it back to Dawson, who's "just been too darn busy gettin' busy." Dawson concludes that they've all got a reason to open the envelope. Just then, the principal comes in with sample math tests. Dawson quickly flips the envelope over to hide the address label. Then, conveniently enough, the fire alarm goes off and the principal instructs them all to leave everything just as it is and file out. Dawson starts to go, with the envelope in hand, but the principal is standing right next to him so he can't pick it up without looking conspicuous. The principal hustles him out, so the Beek sets his jaw in an approximation of tension and Dawson goes outside. The principal turns on his heel and goes too, without picking up the envelope.
After the fire drill, the gang comes back inside, only to discover that the table which formerly held the envelope from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is empty. Jen says she took the envelope, and when everyone turns on her, she says she was just joking, and tries to fade into the background. This scene goes on far too long without anyone suggesting that Mike just kicked it into the creek. Dawson asks Pacey if he took it, and Pacey jokingly evades the question, making it clear that he doesn't really care. The principal comes upon the group and asks what the topic of the morning's debate is: "Let me guess. 'Why isn't the PSAT an oral exam?'" He reminds them that they each need to work on it independently, and moves off again. The several gang members look guilty.