Episode Report Card Aaron: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Dead as Folk? No. Dead as Fuck? Yes.
By Aaron | Season 2 | Episode 9 | Aired on 04.27.2002
Aaron: She's pregnant? You've got to be kidding me.
Alan Ball: Why? You love this plotline. You two were meant to be together.
Aaron: I don't know. I mean, what's next? Amnesia?
Alan Ball: You ought to just be thankful I didn't have Gabe knock up Claire.
Aaron: Good point.
Alan Ball: And besides, you really need to relax, and trust that I'll handle this situation with all of the classy and dignified writing that I'm so rightly fucking famous for.
Aaron: I suppose. But if Keith turns out to be Taylor's father, I'm going back to Mind of the Married Man.
Alan Ball: Dear God in heaven! Run away, Aaron! Run far, far away!
Off a long shot of Nate, struggling to digest this news, we cut to Brenda and the author, rolling around on the bathroom floor. Ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew, and ew. That's disgusting. Not even Paulie Walnuts would do something like that. Anyway, they mack, urinal-style.
The Ironic Segue Fairy uses the sound of someone knocking on the door to change the scene over to Billy's place, where Claire has just arrived. Billy answers the door in a robe, and invites her inside, where he's set up a little photography studio. Claire is clearly nervous as he explains the workings of the camera, and Billy gives her further instructions on what to do. "Just follow your instincts," he tells her. "Relax, and don't think about yourself at all. I know that's impossible for a seventeen-year-old." "Eighteen," corrects Claire quickly. Billy smiles, and says, "What you don't know is that you're going to be eighteen for the rest of your life." It doesn't seem as creepy on the show as it sounds here, so I don't think he meant it as a threat. Anyway, he quickly drops the robe, and turns around to present us with his ass. And also his tattoo scar. That one gets an "ew," too. Claire snaps away with the camera as Billy goes on a long rant about how he really wants to see the scar, and how he needs "someone else's eyes" to see him. Claire's eyes, meanwhile, are locked on his face in the viewfinder, even though she tells him she's taking pictures of the scar. Billy continues his diatribe by deconstructing the story of Narcissus, and then strikes a dramatic pose as he breaks out in tears. He spins around, causing Lauren Ambrose to crack me up with the way she averts her eyes, and announces that she shouldn't be freaked out. "This is exactly what I needed to happen," he says, laughing and sobbing at the same time. "Oh, God. I'm fucking crying. [Fk=26] I'm sorry, this is intense. You can go. I'll be all right." And with that, Claire bolts out of there, hopefully forever.