Cut to space, where we see nukes exploding all across Caprica. Over on the Galactica, Olmos is relaxing in his quarters when he gets a call from Commodore 64. It seems they've just received a message from headquarters, transmitted in the clear: "Attention all Colonial units, Cylon attack underway. This is no drill." Adama says he'll be right there, but apparently his idea of "right away" includes a lengthy pause for a word from our sponsors.
We come back to see Colonel McCain lying on his bed and using a cigar to burn a hole in a picture of his ex-wife. Contrary to forum opinion, the woman in the photo is not Number Six, but she does sort of look like her, so I can understand the mistake. Suddenly, alarms and klaxons and sirens and other things that make loud screechy noises start blaring, and we cut around to see everyone on the ship racing to their stations. Adama finally makes it down to the bridge, where he's joined by Colonel McCain. McCain thinks it's all some sort of retirement prank that headquarters is playing on them, but Commodore 64 insists it's the real deal. Adama gets on the loudspeaker, and finally gets to deliver the big hero speech that's probably the only thing that sold Olmos on the original script. Well, that and the promise of an actual paycheck, I suppose. He informs the crew about the massive assault on Caprica and the other colonies. "How, why, don't really matter right now," he pontificates. "What does matter is that I get my contractually-obligated glamour shot, which is why I'm going to stare right into Camera One and say, 'As of this moment, we. Are. At. War!'" But then he can't resist going a little porno on our asses, and he concludes the big speech by saying, "Stand to your duties, and trust your fellow shipmates, and we'll all get through this." Yeah. What kind of movie is this again?