Episode Report Card Keckler: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Day 5
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 07.01.2007
The next day is the wedding reception, and we learn that the guests will have a choice of items from the regular menu (cue Wellington disasters, stage right) as well as the winning items from the tasting. Right away, Melissa starts annoying Rock with questions about how to do the potatoes. Later on, Ramsay discovers a skillet of Melissa's potatoes and they have gone black and nasty. Melissa babbles that she did it exactly how Rock told her to do it and he "kept switching recipes." You know what, Melignant? I'm assuming Rock didn't tell you to put the potatoes in cold water to keep them from oxidizing themselves to gangrenous proportions because he figured that with ALL the years of experience you keep running off at the mouth about would KNOW something as BASIC as THAT! But no, she still hasn't learned because she ruins another batch of potatoes. Ramsay yells his favorite insult, "You'll poison someone!"
With the entire wedding party seated, Jean-Paul takes the bridal couple's order first and the pressure is on to get them served while all their guests wait. For the Blue Team, the baby poo risotto proves cumbersome once again, but we get to hear Sous Chef Scott's absurdly gravelly voice grind, "Dat risotto's not ready." Seriously, he's got some twelve-pack-a-day, aged-in-wood, single-malt vocal chords down there. We need to hear more from them. The bride and groom finally get served and the teams move on to deal with the rest of the guests. And because there's always a time when someone has to wait a ridiculous amount of time for their food, we have the wedding planner coming up to bug Jean-Philippe that the bride's parents have not been served. JP tells the wedding planner to go bug Ramsay about it. He even ENCOURAGES him to tell Ramsay that he's the wedding planner. He's so feeding that guy to the wolves and you can almost see him smile as he turns away. JP, you're so evil. He tells the cameras, "I don't really want to be told by anybody what to do." Now, what is singular about that is the "do." It's so unquestionably British-inflected that I'm starting to doubt the veracity of JP's frog legs. Meanwhile, Ramsay is having none of the wedding planner and bellows at him to get out of the fucking way. "Okay, I think that went well," the wedding planner says to himself. Hee. I don't believe any of this but it's still so damn entertaining.
Melissa slows up her team, and after Ramsay goes off on her saying, "You've turned into a right little bitch -- WAKE UP!" he appoints Jen as the Red Team's leader. Josh tries to send cold sauce with the fish, but Ramsay shouts it back. And as if Melissa hasn't already screwed up enough, she discovers that the water-bathed zabaglione has fallen into the water and is now ruined. Running to the next team, Melissa tries to beg some of their sauce but Brad tells her he needs all of it. Ramsay finds her in the Blue kitchen and screams her out, saying, "Piss off with you, you little sabotage!" He makes her whip up a brand new zabaglione. All the guests are finally served and Ramsay presents the happy couple with a totally unnecessary Green Valley Ranch commercial in the form of a honeymoon suite.