Episode Report Card Keckler: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Day 5
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 07.01.2007
Between the crab salad with thyme-grapefruit aioli (Blue Team) and the puff pastry-wrapped brie served on a pile of pureed strawberries (Red Team), the bride and groom rule for the boys. The groom decided the brie dish was too much like dessert. Next comes the fish course and the bride and groom far prefer the sea bass with bacon-cured collard greens (Red Team) over the herb-crusted sea bass with vegetable broth and butter-foam sauce (Blue Team). Not being Marcelites, the happy couple finds the foam sauce "a little bit strange." The meat entrée decides the winner, and Rock is feeling that it's all on him. He needn't have worried. Jen moves to present their duck breast, and Melissa is muttering to her, "Don't -- don't. Tell him." Ramsay has to shut her up again and orders them to bring their food. Jen lifts their dome to show...a duck breast. That's all. Nothing else. No sides, no sauce, no garnish -- nothing. And the duck breast looks all dried and very much like a piece of crusty bread. It's hysterical. Ramsay grabs his eyes and rubs them hard. He asks Jen to describe the dish. "That's a duck breast," Jen says. Ramsay shakes his head and tells everyone how embarrassed he is. Rock gets to explain his dish of a dry-aged pan-seared rib eye with wild mushroom cream sauce. Don't hold back, Rock -- there's even some crispy potatoes and what look like steamed Brussels sprouts and bacon. It's a feast! After the groom comments, "Oh, wow -- this is really tough," Ramsay whisks it away from him and says, "No one's eating that." The Blue Team finally wins something and their reward is spend a day of luxury at a spa.
Back in their apartment, Julia, Jen, and Bonnie bitch about Melissa's bossiness and how she ruined the duck breast. Joining them, Melissa refuses to take responsibility for anything and even tells Julia that the next time Melissa gets bossy with her, Julia should grow a set of balls. Seriously. She said that. To Julia. AFTER she railroaded her and lost them the challenge! While the boys get acupuncture, massage, and some other sort of body manipulation for Brad, the Red Team's punishment is to get knee-deep in tulle and flowers and help the wedding planner decorate the restaurant for the reception. I'm certain he's gotta be an actor -- he's playing the fey gay wedding planner way too much to not be a character. When the girls are left on their own to follow the wedding planner's directions, Melissa immediately starts haranguing the girls EVERY FIVE SECONDS about whether or not they need her help on individual tasks. Her querulous, nasal, SHRILL, fish-wifey voice does not stop yammering the entire time, and the rest of the Red Team has clearly had it. They make faces, pretend to strangle themselves or shoot themselves in the head, and just generally try very hard to ignore her. At one point, Melissa even wants to make sure each of the net tulle gift bag thingies has exactly the same color proportions of mints in them. Like they all have to have five pink, four yellow, four white, and so on. She's a freak. The girls refuse to do it. "I'm not. Doing. It," Julia says between gritted teeth.