Episode Report Card Erin: A+ | 2 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Say goodbye to reality, Uncle Arvin.
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 16 | Aired on 04.19.2005
And now is the time on Alias when we play bouncy bouncy with the big red ball of DOOOOOM.
Apple Store. Elevator Hallway of Completely Inconspicuous Conversations About Sloane. Jack has obviously just told Sydney and Vaughn that he's choosing to believe Sloane for the moment. Syd and Vaughn think Jack's had a plate of mescaline with a side order of PCP for breakfast. Vaughn's all, didn't you hear what the hell I said? What the hell did Sloane say to you, anyway? And why don't you like me? Jack's all, actually, Agent Vaughn, in this country, the burden of proof is on establishing guilt, not innocence. And I don't like you because you're all up in my grill, okay? Best be stepping off, homes. Syd pipes up that they have Omar in custody and all they have to do is get him to take a look at Sloane and make a positive ID. "You'll have your proof," snits Vaughn, getting rather uppity with his future father-in-law. Jack just shoots him a look that packs the mental wallop of a fifty-ounce can of whupass.
Vaughn brings Omar in to make a positive ID of Sloane. It's actually really funny, because Sloane's just sitting there at a table in a white room, like, staring into the two-way mirror. You know, as you do. Omar takes a seat and Vaughn says, "Well?" "Huh," grunts Omar, hilariously. "What's THAT supposed to mean?" asks Vaughn. Hee. Omar's all, well, that's him all right. Except it's not. Except it is. Jack's all, is it or isn't it him, dammit. Omar's all, it's…almost him. It's like…this is the dude, but the other dude is a faxed copy of a Xeroxed copy of an original, you dig? "This is wild, like, they don't even look that much alike," says Omar. "Oh, this is freaky, man." You're tellin' me, Omar. "You ask me, they both give me the creeps," he says. Heh. This whole scene was short, but hysterical, and that's all thanks to Michael K. Williams. Goddamn, he was funny in this.
After returning Omar to his cell or whatever, the Appleseed Gang trails Sloane through the office as he orders them all to find out just what it is that Omar really knows. "I'll be in my office," he says, spinning around to look at them all. "I believe it's still mine, yes?" Hee. Vaughn still thinks Sloane's involved somehow and says so out loud. Both Syd and Jack look at him like he's wearing rouge and performing a tap dance routine with a band of trained chickens.
Torture Chamber of Wayward Professors. Sloane Clone enters and asks if Sinclair has a problem. Yes, actually, she does, Mister Midget, and that problem is YOU. Also? The Big Red Ball is apparently missing some vital component. A transformer coil. Fortunately, one of those was stolen just two episodes ago! Unfortunately, Sloane Clone hasn't been able to get his hands on it. Sinclair informs him that without the coil, a device of this size is incapable of withstanding its own power output. Or something. I really don't know. And I'm fairly certain Michelle Forbes and Joel Grey don't either. Sloane Clone just slowly makes his way over to her and kind of invades her personal space, hilariously moving aside her wrist shackles so that he can perch on the edge of the desk. Heh. He blathers something about how he "hired" her because of her ability to improvise solutions where others have failed. Um, dude? I hate to nitpick here, but usually? You don't "hire" people by having them physically removed from an airport and shackling them to a table. That's more "kidnapping" than "hiring," really. ["Hey, it works for TWoP. Back in your hole!" -- Sars] Basically, he's just fifty pounds of bonkers in a ten-pound bag. He feels that Sinclair isn't properly motivated and instructs Bad Baldy to get some motivation into her, like, now.
Sloane's Office of West Elm Furniture. Nadia's paying a visit and she thinks the whole Sloane set-up thing doesn't make any sense. She asks her father if he's resumed his search for Rambaldi. This pains Sloane deeply. He swears he gave up his past obsessions for her. He takes her hands and tells her that the crack-ass crazy behavior he exhibited back in Siena won't ever happen again. He promises. Back with Sinclair, Bad Baldy's getting ready to motivate her. Sinclair starts desperately whining about how Sloane Clone's asking the impossible. Bad Baldy doesn't really care, because he's plugged in the Finger Sander of Motivation and he's ready to go to work. He turns it on and moves toward her and she releases a bloodcurdling scream. Okay, that's just…what point is there to that? Why do you kidnap -- erm, sorry, "hire" someone to work on a Rambaldi device for you and then…take away the use of their hands? I thought at first that he was cutting off a finger or something, which is equally counterproductive, but it becomes clear later on that he's just…sanding off her fingertips. The hell? Is that just to make it harder to identify the body once she's completed her "contract" and they've "fired" her? I don't…torture doesn't make a lot of sense to me, in any capacity, but when it's torture that doesn't necessarily produce an immediate result from the tortured person, well, that's just highly inefficient as far as I'm concerned.