Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: A- | 7 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Freaks and Geeks
By Cindy McLennan | Season 2 | Episode 18 | Aired on 03.24.2013
Neal blahs about not thinking things through, and how he needs her, but everything he says sounds to me like, "PUNCH MY LIGHTS OUT!" I'm itching to oblige. Then he has the gall to apologize to Emma over that needing Tamara business. Our girl nips that right in the bud. "You don't have to apologize to me. I'm not the one you're lying to. [...] Does she know who you are and where you're really from? Take my advice. Don't let her find out on her own. Tell her the truth. Tell her everything." Yeah, Douchefire (credit for that nickname belongs to our forum), don't leave out how you set up your 17 year old girlfriend to take the fall for a crime you committed, and how said girlfriend had to give birth to your son, while incarcerated.
I think his magical Cloak of Unaccountability has deafened Neal to my rantings because rather than replying to my pertinent point, he checks his text messages and reports Tamara is ten minutes away. Neal invites Emma to stay and get to know her. When Emma insists she should be going, Neal douches, "I know, but we're all connected. It might be nice for you two to talk. Just stay and say hello. She's bringing bagels." Oh, so what? New York bagels are so superior that they'll make your betrayal all better? I'm bored by New York's food conceit.
I'd like to apologize to my mother, now, for my language in this recap. I usually try to keep it relatively clean, but you know Neal sets my teeth on edge, Mum. I'm pretty sure the word douche is going to be flying fast and furious during all of his scenes this week. In fact, I'm pretty sure the slang meaning of douche grew out of its hygienic meaning, expressly for the purpose of discussing guys like Neal, so expect to see it stand in for nouns, proper nouns, adjectives and other modifiers, and even, occasionally, verbs. He makes me seethe so; you might even see it used in place of conjunctions. What you should know is this, Mum: it's one of the nicer terms that pop into my head when I look at his backpfeifengesicht. I know you dislike Neal even more than I do, so I hope you understand. That said, I'm sorry I'm not a better daughter. We cut to the...
Storybrooke Woods. Joan Jett and the Blackhearts' "Bad Reputation" cleanses my mind from Neal for the nonce. Hey, Kitsis and Horrowitz, let's have Joan Jett guest star as an avenging fairy, who punches Neal in the face. Repeatedly. If we can't get her, how about Busy Phillips? Kim Kelly could take care of Douchefire in about three seconds flat. I suppose you're here for Once Upon A Time commentary, not Freaks and Geeks nostalgia. More's the pity, my friends. Be careful what you wish for...