Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Mad Miss Marin
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 07.17.2012
SKWAHTHGIN
Emily remembers one time when it was the '40s and they were just discovering nuclear power and the waitress was like, "That skirt's been slipped a mickey," and somebody wrote in girly handwriting, "I'm sorry I left you," and then somebody who is Holden with a rave stamp on his wrist took her by the hand and led her back to the present day.
APRIL ROSE
Jason: "I found April Rose! Googled it."
Spencer: "Who is she?"
Jason: "She is a girl in the form of an antique store, right here in the Yellow Pages. Which I found next to the microfiche in that one area of town."
SERIOUSLY HOW WE ARE STILL RUMMAGING DANCE
Toby: "You want some punch?"
Hanna: "No, I don't drink anything that's not sealed or shrinkwrapped."
Toby: "What?"
Hanna: "Well I used to hang out with Andy Warhol back in the day... What do you think, everybody I know is constantly getting roofied. Get on the ball, Cavanaugh."
Toby: "Is part of the lie tonight that you are afraid of a Christian?"
Hanna: "Yeah, I told my mom I was getting Nice Guy'd and I needed your great big sexy body to protect me in case he decided to pledge his troth or attempt to hold my hand."
She waves vaguely in the direction of some Christians, and he fixes them with his insane eyes and even more insane hair, which is going straight up like it's the Secret Life. Ted and Ashley come up, and a striking pair they do make.
Ted: "Lucky man, Toby!"
Hanna: "Uh, no."
Toby: "This hog? Just kidding. I'm Toby! I date whichever one."
Ashley: "I need a fucking drink."
Ted: "Well, we're in a church, so. And not an Episcopalian one. How about root beer?"
Ashley: "I said I need a fuc... Haha, you joke. Fine. I can make it. I can do this."
Hanna: "Toby, let's move. This is about to get real bad."
APRIL ROSE ANTIQUES
Is in Brookhaven, or possibly the Lost Woods, based on the intensely creepin' old lady behind the counter, who rocks back and forth whilst staring into the middle distance.
Jason: "Crazy old lady? Hello? Can you help us with a mystery?"
A random old man pops out from behind some Tiffany lamps and a giant globe like in a some kind of moneybags's wood-paneled smoking room, you know, because it's Brookhaven, and he tells them to leave her crazy old ass alone and get out.