Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Crossing Over and Out
By Alex Richmond | Season 2 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.01.2003
Cause I got fa-yaith! Of the heaaar-arrt!
That's quite enough of that. So, yeah -- the Enterprise has been swallowed up, and while the power is still operating ship-wide, they can't get the weapons to function. They're "off-line," as Brit Guy says. Tucker hails the bridge and says the engines "just went down," though life support is "fully operational." T'Pol knows nothing about anything; she can't get through to whoever swallowed them whole, and can't detect any bio-signs. Count Chocula commands that the dorsal camera be rotated thirty percent and kablammo, on-screen is a groovy little light show. It's like fireflies on an engine, or something down in the Haight in '69 crossed with the works of H.R. Geiger. Oh, and the atmosphere is helium, xenon, and balonium. Count Chocula is all, "Prep a shuttlepod." As if! T'Pol watches him go like the good little Vulcan-thing she isn't.
Shuttlepod. Count Chocula, Tucker, and British Guy are all in space suits by Gap. The atmosphere is changing as they stand there, like something knows what they like/need to breathe. They watch the lightshow (Poltergeist! Cocoon! A touch of Dead Last) and comment on how the lights don't read as life forces of any known type, and yet the atmosphere has changed, and how can that be? "They sure look alive to me!" Oh my god, get on with it already. The three dudes hang out with their metaphorical dicks in their hands until a light blob comes up and blows through them. They all grab onto each other, silently saying, "AAAUUUGHH!" Then, everything's cool. Then the same yellow light blob comes up and smooshes its way into Trip, making his helmet light up, then leaves his body. He says, "Whoa." He does not say, "I know kung fu." Then he asks, "What happened?" Count Chocula says he was just going to ask that same question. Dude, you were STANDING RIGHT THERE. The blob entered him. Not like that. Well, maybe like that. Trip says it was like he was up on the ceiling watching them. They hustle back to the ship, but not before Tucker is all, "I was in Florida!" Ah, Florida. America's wang.
Dr. Phlox, Count Chocula, and British Guy hang out staring at Tucker, who's behind a glass wall like a piece of pie at a Horn and Hardart's. He's fine, except for the thinking he was in Florida thing. Seriously, except for the aged and college kids, who voluntarily wants to be in Florida? But the good doctor says that Trip checks out, so he's free to go. Tucker zips up his uniform and says that the light-shifting experience was "amazing." Count Chocula says he'd like to keep him in Sick Bay, but he needs him right now. You mean because the ship is all swallowed by another ship and they have no idea what it is or what it wants? Yeah, that. Heh heh, ship-swallowing -- woo! And oh, I can't wait to hear more about "Tarpon Beach." Tucker looks at Count Chocula and says, "Tarpon SCHPRINGS." Whatever, the fictitious beaches on America's wang, who cares.