Episode Report Card Monty Ashley: B+ | 3 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Hodor!
By Monty Ashley | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 05.08.2011
Good news! That guy that hangs around Robb (and used to hang around Jon Snow before he left for the Wall) finally gets a name! It's Theon Greyjoy. And Theon Greyjoy seems kind of friendly with Tyrion, even recommending a redhead named "Rose" at the whorehouse. Tyrion refers to Lord Stark as Theon's master, which Theon takes offense at. He also claims that the reason Lady Stark didn't come down to meet Tyrion is that she's not feeling well, but Tyrion accurately calls that out as an obvious lie. It turns out that Theon is being kept here as a hostage after his family had a failed rebellion. And that's where his brothers died! Ah, the charming backstory nuggets this show throws at you. Tyrion continues to needle Theon about how he's turned into a lackey for the Starks. Apparently, Theon is neither crippled enough, bastard enough, or broken enough for Tyrion to like him. Having needled Theon right up to the point of violence, Tyrion tosses a coin at Theon's feet. "Your next tumble with Roz is on me. I'll try not to wear her out." Man, Theon finally gets a name and he spends his first real scene absorbing jabs from Tyrion. It's a rough life.
The Wall! Snow is training with the other recruits, and he's still taking a leadership position. If you're trying to learn swordsmanship by following instructions given on this show, I think the most useful thing he says is "Pivot on your back foot." It sounds kind of vague, but I think it's probably more applicable than Syrio's instructions to Arya, which were pretty metaphor-heavy. I'm going to start pivoting on my back foot in all of my swordfights. I'll let you know next week how it went. Before the training can go on too long, everyone is distracted by a fat guy named Samwell. That's "Samwell," not "Samwise." Totally different concept. He announces that he's "come to take the Black," and one of the throng immediately corrects that to "...come to take the black pudding." See, because he's fat. The instructor throws Samwell into a practice duel to see what he's made of, and as soon as Samwell's hit, he crumples to the ground and begs for mercy. Do you think that everybody has a good brotherly laugh about this? Because they do not. That's largely the instructor's fault, who orders Samwell's sparring partner to continue hitting him until he gets up. You know how easy it is to stand up when some scraggly psycho is beating on you with a stick, right? It's a great way to get out of bed in the morning. It doesn't seem to be working on Samwell, though. He's just kind of rolling around and bleating. The instructor, whose only two traits so far have been "cruel" and "sarcastic," doubles up by complaining that he keeps being sent "squealing bloody pigs." To be fair, Samwell was kind of squealing there. I mean, the instructor's not completely wrong. Snow's finally had enough and steps in, saying that Samwell yielded and shouldn't still be getting hit. The instructor hypothesizes that "the bastard's in love" and proposes a new fight: Snow can defend "Lady Piggy" while three of the others try to get past him. They fail, because Snow is a highly motivated fighter. Samwell doesn't help out, although he does a good job of cowering. Once all three have yielded, the instructor is disgusted at all this: "We're done for today. Go clean the armory. That's all you're good for." Then he stalks off.