Episode Report Card Deborah: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT God Told Me To
By Deborah | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.13.2003
While clearing the table after dinner, Joan asks her mother, "Mom, you know a lot about art, right?" Helen: "About as much as the next has-been failed artist." Joan sort of apologizes, saying her mother led her into that remark. She leaves as Kevin comes in and says he's going out. Helen asks why. Kevin: "Because I accidentally stole a CD and given the high moral tone of this family, I'm going to return it." Helen wonders how you accidentally steal something. Joan breezes back in, contributing, "Ooh, you're in for it now, buddy." Kevin explains, "I didn't notice that it fell between my butt and the chair, and since I can't feel my butt..." Helen's heard enough: "Fine. Drive carefully." He leaves. Joan tries again, asking about Adam's sculpture. Helen says with a smile: "Ascension?" Joan's confused. Helen explains that Adam wanted to call it The Thing Made Out of Stuff, but she talked him into Ascension. Joan asks if it's any good. Helen's all over her now: "Is that why you volunteered? To show support for your friend? Why didn't you just say so?" Joan rolls her eyes. Helen: "Was it because you don't want me prying into your relationship with Adam? Because I know the importance of boundaries." Joan: "Mom, do you really need me for this conversation?" Hee. Helen backs off and says, "Adam shows a lot of potential. He's unschooled and he's raw and he hasn't yet figured out where he stands on the nexus between non-objective abstraction and neo-Expressionism..." Joan sighs, "Again, Mom: you don't need me for this." Helen glances at her, probably trying to remember if she was this impatient with her own mother. Joan: "So Mom...in simple language: is Adam any good?" Helen thinks before saying with a small smile, "I think he has the potential to be great." Joan looks like that's the answer she was afraid of, and says she's gotta go see Grace. Oh, this oughta be rich. Helen: "Grace Polk? Tonight?" What's with all the last-naming?
Kevin returns to the CD store, where the Soundgarden roadie is saying to a customer, "Thank you for shopping in a store instead of stealing off the internet." I can't tell if he's sincere or not. In any event, your grey matter will soon be swimming in the irony. When he sees Kevin, he remembers him as "Red House Painter guy." Kevin explains the reason the alarm went off when he left earlier is that he accidentally took a Jason Mraz CD. The employee says it's okay, and tells him to keep it. Kevin's puzzled: "Keep it?" The guy comes out from behind the counter and says they write off a certain amount to shoplifting, so whatever. Kevin says, "But I didn't steal it...and it's Jason Mraz!" Heh. Still, I can't help wishing he'd said Clay Aiken instead of Jason Mraz. Roadie laughs, and says, "You're an honest guy...so for a reward, keep it." Geez, if that's a reward, I'd hate to see what the "punishment" CD is. ["That's where Clay Aiken comes in." -- Sars] Kevin asks, "Are you giving it to me because I'm honest, or because I'm in a wheelchair?" The roadie's pretty uncomfortable with this question and says, "Whatever." Kevin: "Whatever?" Roadie shrugs and looks like he's hoping Kevin will leave as soon as possible, but Kevin wheels over to the racks, grabs a CD, and asks, "What if I take this, too? You gonna call the cops?" The guy laughs: "Right. I'm gonna call the cops on a guy in a wheelchair." Kevin: "Why not? I'm stealing." The guy says quietly, "'Cause you got enough problems, okay?" Kevin jams the CDs in his jacket with a defiant look and wheels out. Of course, the alarm goes off, and Kevin stops, wheels around, and stares at the employee, who's looking at him sheepishly. Kevin grabs the CDs, tosses them back in on the floor, and wheels off.