Shout-out to 39mickemuskrat.
The scene opens with a dead man lying on a lawn with a bullet wound through his chest. His pose seems a little too artfully arranged. Also, there's something about the two large, light-coloured leaves on the ground nearby that make it look like he has extra hands. He's doing a pretty good job of holding his breath and staying still in awkward position, though. Kudos to the corpse. Toni starts briefing Will on the situation. They're on the lawn of what looks like a nice house in an established neighbourhood. The man's name is Ricky Clark. Toni says, "Down twice, felony armed robbery." Will asks if he's the bad guy here. She holds up a large plastic bag containing what Professor Frink thinks is a .44 magnum (and I did the world's best freeze-frame for that shot) and says, "That's what I'm thinking." She indicates the anxious-looking handcuffed guy, an all-American type, being put into the back of a cruiser, and says, "Allan Burns, husband and father." We see shots of his children watching nervously from a second-floor window as his agitated wife cries on the front porch. Toni says he confronted the guy breaking into his home, and shots were exchanged: "Death ensued on the front lawn." Will tells her to gets the cuffs off him and let him speak to his family. Toni cites standard operating procedure. Will: "Man protects his family, we don't treat him like a criminal." Toni reminds him there's been a murder here and they have to take Burns into custody. Will: "We do it by the book, Detective -- but the nice version of the book, okay?" Maybe someone should distribute copies of that one to the LAPD. Will adds, "Looks to me like it all worked out for the best." Toni: "Not for Ricky Clark." Professor Frink: "This is so Law & Order." Briscoe looks at Green oddly, prompting her to ask, "Too Law & Order?" Hee.
Joan's walking to school alone. It's an interesting street scene: a residential street with lots of pedestrians walking every which way and no vehicular traffic. Something odd about that. Some power-walking fitness nut in a track suit with a headband holding back her long, straight hair comes up behind Joan and advises her, "You'll make better time if you pump your arms!" She herself is carrying small hand weights to amp up her workout. Joan says apathetically, "Thanks for the tip." Power-walker walks energetic circles around Joan, saying, "Be more physically active! Remember how good you felt when you were building that boat and working out with the cheerleaders! A happy outlook is all about endorphins!" God might be in danger of endorphin poisoning. Joan wonders if she's supposed to join the track team now: "'Cause I'm not playing field hockey, even for God." She starts walking faster to keep up as God asks if she knows about the upcoming art show. Joan doesn't seem to be. God says they'll need some help moving exhibits around. Joan walks even faster and starts pumping her arms as she asks, "So, what, this is my future, right? Unless I pull my grades up?" Power-walking God wonders, "Why are people always trying to discern my deeper meanings? This is the kind of thinking that starts wars." They reach the corner and Joan, exhausted, says, "Stop it!" Power-walking God keeps on trucking and Joan yells, as she leans on a tree, "I always thought you'd be nicer!" Power-walking God does her trademark dismissive wave as she barrels down the sidewalk.
Joan's leaning on the counter in the administrative office when her mother comes up behind her asking, "Can I help you...complete stranger who I happen to know should be in English class in two minutes?" Joan does not find her mother amusing, and asks who she should talk to about the art show. Helen distributes mail as she says, "What do you need to know?" Joan, losing patience: "Who I talk to about the art show." Helen: "What kind of talk?" Joan wonders if her mother is trying to make her miss English, and says she wants to volunteer. Helen: "As an artist?" Joan says she's just going to help move stuff around. Helen wants to know why. Joan claims it's for "community service points." Bet Grace has a ton of those. Helen says this doesn't qualify. Joan, completely exasperated: "Then just to be a good citizen. Cripes, Mom, could you please just tell which has-been failed teacher/artist is organizing the dumb-ass art show?" Helen: "Volunteers for the art show are to report to the auditorium at lunch and the has-been failed artist...that would be me." Helen wanders off, leaving Joan there with her eyebrows raised and mouth slightly twisted. Yeah, I saw it coming a mile away but I liked it anyway.
Will arrives at the police station to find a bunch of media types waiting for him. He's asked if Allan Burns will be released today. Will says the situation is still being investigated. The reporter asks if Will considers Burns's actions heroic. Will thinks Burns will claim justifiable homicide, but cautions that he's not Burn's defence lawyer: "And you talking to me about this is like asking a figure skater about the state of the economy." He seems really pleased with that line, but Brian Boitano's on the phone to his lawyer and his publicist. He doesn't take shit from anybody.
Kevin's in a CD shop at a mall looking at CDs when one of the employees, who looks like a Soundgarden roadie in a Cinderella T-shirt and a toque, comes over with an armful of CDs, which he manages to drop near Kevin. Being the helpful sort he is, Kevin reaches down to try to help the guy collect his CDs, but Toque says, "It's cool, bro." He asks if he can help Kevin, who says, "Uh, there's this band called Red House Painters..." Roadie replies, "Yeah, we don't carry anything really good...just million sellers, so..." Ha! That's generally been my experience with these big chain music stores, too. He watches as Kevin wheels out, where he sets off the theft alarm. Kevin turns and holds up his hands, saying, "I don't have anything!" Toque calls out, "No sweat...have a good day."
At the art show meeting, Helen announces that she wants to intersperse the plastic arts with the concrete arts, and wants a large sculpture moved. Helen asks Joan and some other bored-looking kid for some help, but Joan's looking across the room and saying, "Mom, I think Grace Polk is juggling the ceramics." Why would she mention Grace's last name? Both of them know her well enough not to. ["See also: Angela Chase calling Jordan Catalano 'Jordan Catalano' instead of just 'Jordan.' The Dawson's Creek kids did it too." -- Sarah Bunting] Anyway, Grace is indeed juggling some small spherical ceramics. Helen heads for Grace, saying, "No. No. Art is not for juggling." Joan stands up and asks, "How do we move this without skewering our eyeballs?" The sculpture, which is made of found items like scrap metal, fencing, and light bulbs, has a lot of pointy and protruding bits. The other kid, who has a nearly shaved head and something of the intimidating air of a young, milk-fed neo-Nazi about him, asks if she noticed who made it. Joan looks for a signature and finds the initials A.R. carved into the base: "Adam Rove? Adam made this?" The kid sighs and says, "Yeah...by now you oughta recognize his style, Joan...and mine." Joan replies, "Well, maybe if you picked one style, I might." The kid -- is it God, or could it be...Satan? I don't know whether to make up a God moniker for him or not. Anyway, he says, "All styles is my style, all right? And I'd rather, uh, I'd rather Adam's sculpture not be part of the show." Joan: "Why?" She quickly apologizes: "Reflex action, like barfing." She tries again: "I'm not sure you understand." The kid looks at her. Joan: "Of course you understand, you understand everything, but it's difficult for me...you already know it's difficult for me. Okay, listen...I don't hate Adam. You're asking me to --" Kid: "To prevent this from going on display." That's it, and he informs her she's going to have to find someone else to help her move it. He takes off as Joan says, "Shirker!" He just does the Godwave (tm 39mickemuskrat). Frink and I get a good laugh out of her calling him that, because in Arabic, shirk is the word to describe the greatest sin of all, which is "associating partners with God" or believing that the source of power is from others than God. Anyway, I'd like to know what made Adam overcome his feeling that he needs to protect his artistic gift from the likes of Price. We never get an explanation for that, and since he feels so strongly about it as to prefer to let Price think he's a stoner, I think we need one. He also warned Joan about telling her secrets to Price, so I don't think it's a minor thing. This bothered me enough that I graded this episode half a grade lower than I would have if this had been addressed.
Will and his favourite lawyer, DA Gabe Fellowes, are walking through the police station as Fellowes insists he doesn't want to press charges against Burns. Neither does Will. Fellowes: "Middle of the night, this hardworking, solid citizen is in bed with the wife -- his own wife -- with his children asleep down the hallway." Will says it's the DA's decision whether to lay charges, and he'd be happy if Fellowes didn't. Fellowes plays Exposition Fairy: "He hears glass break downstairs. He fetches his properly licensed and registered weapon from the gun safe and loads it with ammunition he keeps in a locked box. He surprises an armed intruder." Will, who's got better things to do, tries to wrap it up: "Shots are exchanged, the good guy's left standing, the bad guy dies, choirs of angels sing. What do you want from me?" They've stopped in front of a vending machine, and Will buys something as Fellowes says he wants Will to say that Burns is a hero and that this isn't a murder case. Will agrees he is a hero. Fellowes: "I want you to say it to the press. Leave figure skaters out of it." I can't tell what Will buys -- it's something in a little yellow bag, maybe Jelly Tots. Actually, I mentioned Jelly Tots once before in a recap and I think I got a lot of mail from Americans asking what they are. Some kinda candy, okay? I can't eat candy, so don't bug me about it. Will thinks it wouldn't be smart for him to comment on the guilt or innocence of a suspect before the investigation is closed. Fellowes: "So complete the investigation and tell the press he's a hero." Will says that's what he plans to do. Fellowes, surprised: "You're not fighting me on this?" Will: "No. We're in complete agreement." He claps Fellowes on the arm and takes off. Fellowes calls out, "I find that disconcerting."
At school, Joan spots Adam in the hall, shoulder-deep in a recycling bin, scrounging around. Hope his tetanus shots are up to date. He yanks out a pop can and asks her, gesturing to a chain of metal pull-tabs hanging from the string of his hoodie, "You ever seen anything like this before?" Joan says she has, and that she needs to talk to him about his art show entry. He asks where she saw it, and she explains. Adam meant the pull-tab chain. She says irritably, "Every kid makes necklaces out of those." Adam's dumsquizzled. She asks if he's reconsidered entering the art show. Adam's still stuck on the pull-tab chain: "What? I thought I invented this." Aw. She grabs him by the arm and pulls him into the middle of the hall, saying, "Adam, forget about the soda pop necklace, okay? Art show, art show, art show!" She gestures vehemently with an upraised hand, which Adam imitates, asking, "Art show, art...so wait, why don't you want me to enter?" Joan, who clearly hasn't thought this through very far, wonders, "What would be a good reason?" He replies, "If my piece blew chunks..." She assures him that's not the case. Adam folds his arms and regards her more skeptically as she stumbles over an explanation that his work is too avant-garde: "This whole thing is basically very high school." Adam, looking slightly hurt and slightly pissed: "You think my art stinks." She insists again that that's not so. He says, "I thought you got my work. I thought you liked it." Joan says, "I do! I do like it! No. I do like it. That's why, you know...I want to buy it." She declares that she wants him to take it out of the show so she can buy it. Adam: "Unchallenged?" She asks how much. He says he'll give it to her -- after the show. He starts to walk away, and she grabs him back again, asking what the big deal is. He explains, "Chah, Jane, there's gallery owners and then there's buyers and there's judges and the papers. There's not very many things I have the chance to win and this is one of them, so I'd like that...and so would my dad. And...so would my mom...if she were here." Now Joan feels shitty, as she should. Adam adds, "So I want to win." He goes back to scrounging in the recycling bin while Joan watches from down the hall. Why didn't she use the argument about protecting his gift from Price? That would have been the strongest argument. That's really bugging me.
Joan goes back to the empty auditorium and starts wheeling a dolly toward Adam's sculpture. She's surprised by a security guard, who asks if she's trying to steal the sculpture. Joan claims she's not stealing it: "The artist said I could have it." The guard says nothing while he looks at her with extreme skepticism. Joan holds out her wrists and says, "You know, you'd make my life a lot easier if you just arrested me right now and took me to jail." He replies, "You want to lift something that heavy, you need help." Joan says, after a moment's thought: "Or maybe you could help me. That's what people say, right? I mean, 'God, help me.'" He says, "I take more of an advisory role in our work together." Translation: God doesn't do menial labour. She complains that Adam won't withdraw the piece from the show, and it's too big to steal by herself: "I'm out of ideas!" He tells her to think harder. She asks, "Are we afraid that Adam won't win, and this is gonna break his heart? Or maybe, maybe someone's going to trip over it and then try to sue the school." Security Guard God says, "I like the way you're beginning to consider the results and ramifications of our work together." He tells her to turn the lights off when she leaves.
Joan gets home as Luke and Helen are preparing dinner. Joan asks if Dad's home. Helen asks what she needs her father for. Joan: "What's with this new thing where I ask you a question and you ask me twenty questions about it?" Luke: "Think of it as Socratic parenting." Heh. Frink really enjoyed that one. Will comes in another door, and Joan rushes over, saying, "Daddy! Is it ever okay to break the law?" Will says, "Somebody kills somebody, it's serious, no matter what the circumstance." Joan: "Who said anything about killing?" Will asks what they're talking about. Helen says they're not allowed to ask. Kevin gets home, and Will asks how work went. Kevin snorts, "Let's just say I know more about Ashton Kutcher than I really want to." You and me both, Kev. I feel you. He mispronounces Kutcher's last name, and Luke, Joan, and Helen correct him in unison. That's the second Ashton Kutcher reference on this show in eight episodes. The guy is just not all that, okay? Now, Christopher Marquette... Kevin asks his dad, "What's with that shot you took at figure skaters?" Will says it was an analogy.
As Kevin drinks right from the orange juice container, Joan asks her father if it's ever okay to do something wrong for a good reason. Kevin asks if they're talking about Allan Burns. Joan doesn't know who that is. Luke tells her, "The guy who shot the robber." Joan asks, "Is that illegal?" Will: "Technically." Helen: "I can't believe you're not allowed to shoot an armed robber breaking into your home." Everyone's quiet for a moment and then Will says, "Well, honey, you're from the South." Ha! Also: good, because I think I hear a soft Southern accent in Helen's voice and I like the continuity. Kevin says to his father, "If someone were breaking into our house, you'd kill him." Well, and it doesn't hurt if you're the chief of police. Luke says that their father wouldn't kill him, he'd shoot them in the legs.
As Kevin takes off his coat, he argues, "Uh, he didn't shoot the bank robber in the legs." Helen admonishes him, "Kevin!" Joan: "My father shot a bank robber?" Kevin: "Twice." Come on, you've been a cop's kid your whole life and you've never wondered or asked if your father shot anyone? Turns out this happened when Kevin was six, so Joan would have been about three and Luke about two. Luke asks if the victim died. Will: "My 'victim'?" Joan: "Dad, you killed someone?" Will starts to explain and becomes very flustered, asking, "Can we just drop this?" They all go into the dining room as Joan asks, "Okay, so sometimes it's okay to do something that looks wrong if you have a good reason?" Luke says, "Dad blew away a bank robber. That's the coolest thing I've ever heard." Here it comes, as The Music of You Have No Idea, You Dumb Kid plays. Will says firmly, "No, it's not. It's not cool to take another person's life in any situation. It might be unavoidable, but it's not cool. I'm not proud of it. I see that man's face every day. It's not something I boast about, and it's not something I want my children boasting about." Luke hangs his head, and everyone looks serious. Helen suggests they start dinner and find something nice to talk about. Everyone's too subdued to speak. The family meal scenes on this show are excellent and very convincing. I also admire how often the Girardis actually manage to have meals together.
While clearing the table after dinner, Joan asks her mother, "Mom, you know a lot about art, right?" Helen: "About as much as the has-been failed artist." Joan sort of apologizes, saying her mother led her into that remark. She leaves as Kevin comes in and says he's going out. Helen asks why. Kevin: "Because I accidentally stole a CD and given the high moral tone of this family, I'm going to return it." Helen wonders how you accidentally steal something. Joan breezes back in, contributing, "Ooh, you're in for it now, buddy." Kevin explains, "I didn't notice that it fell between my butt and the chair, and since I can't feel my butt..." Helen's heard enough: "Fine. Drive carefully." He leaves. Joan tries again, asking about Adam's sculpture. Helen says with a smile: "Ascension?" Joan's confused. Helen explains that Adam wanted to call it The Thing Made Out of Stuff, but she talked him into Ascension. Joan asks if it's any good. Helen's all over her now: "Is that why you volunteered? To show support for your friend? Why didn't you just say so?" Joan rolls her eyes. Helen: "Was it because you don't want me prying into your relationship with Adam? Because I know the importance of boundaries." Joan: "Mom, do you really need me for this conversation?" Hee. Helen backs off and says, "Adam shows a lot of potential. He's unschooled and he's raw and he hasn't yet figured out where he stands on the nexus between non-objective abstraction and neo-Expressionism..." Joan sighs, "Again, Mom: you don't need me for this." Helen glances at her, probably trying to remember if she was this impatient with her own mother. Joan: "So Mom...in simple language: is Adam any good?" Helen thinks before saying with a small smile, "I think he has the potential to be great." Joan looks like that's the answer she was afraid of, and says she's gotta go see Grace. Oh, this oughta be rich. Helen: "Grace Polk? Tonight?" What's with all the last-naming?
Kevin returns to the CD store, where the Soundgarden roadie is saying to a customer, "Thank you for shopping in a store instead of stealing off the internet." I can't tell if he's sincere or not. In any event, your grey matter will soon be swimming in the irony. When he sees Kevin, he remembers him as "Red House Painter guy." Kevin explains the reason the alarm went off when he left earlier is that he accidentally took a Jason Mraz CD. The employee says it's okay, and tells him to keep it. Kevin's puzzled: "Keep it?" The guy comes out from behind the counter and says they write off a certain amount to shoplifting, so whatever. Kevin says, "But I didn't steal it...and it's Jason Mraz!" Heh. Still, I can't help wishing he'd said Clay Aiken instead of Jason Mraz. Roadie laughs, and says, "You're an honest guy...so for a reward, keep it." Geez, if that's a reward, I'd hate to see what the "punishment" CD is. ["That's where Clay Aiken comes in." -- Sars] Kevin asks, "Are you giving it to me because I'm honest, or because I'm in a wheelchair?" The roadie's pretty uncomfortable with this question and says, "Whatever." Kevin: "Whatever?" Roadie shrugs and looks like he's hoping Kevin will leave as soon as possible, but Kevin wheels over to the racks, grabs a CD, and asks, "What if I take this, too? You gonna call the cops?" The guy laughs: "Right. I'm gonna call the cops on a guy in a wheelchair." Kevin: "Why not? I'm stealing." The guy says quietly, "'Cause you got enough problems, okay?" Kevin jams the CDs in his jacket with a defiant look and wheels out. Of course, the alarm goes off, and Kevin stops, wheels around, and stares at the employee, who's looking at him sheepishly. Kevin grabs the CDs, tosses them back in on the floor, and wheels off.
Joan arrives at Grace's house, which is a large, nice-looking house covered in white siding. When she knocks, she seems slightly surprised to have a man (it's H!ITG! Paul Sand) answer the door. It's like it never occurred to her to wonder what Grace's parents are like. I've wondered, but I never pictured them like this. When she addresses him as "Mr. Polk," he corrects her, "It's Rabbi Polonsky, if you please." Rabbi? I almost plotzed when I heard that. Boy, he and Grace must be a real handful for each other. He assumes she's a friend of Grace's. Joan nods and introduces herself. He explains that Grace is his daughter, and that his grandparents changed their name to Polk but he changed it back to Polonsky. He continues, "And to defy her father, which is healthy in moderation, Grace kept Polk. Also, she's not home. Is there a message?" Joan says she dropped by to ask a favour, but she'll just leave a note on Grace's locker. Grace's father tries to say goodnight, but when he shakes her hand, she grips it and doesn't let go. She asks, "Can I ask you a religious question?" He says maybe a small one, because he's enjoying his dessert. Joan: "Would God ever ask a person to do something bad?" Rabbi Polonsky: "No. No, and for future reference, evil is a large question." Joan: "So if someone were asking me to do something wrong, they would probably be working for the Devil?" The rabbi starts explaining, "We don't really believe in 'the Devil.'" He makes little quotation marks with his fingers. Joan looks confused. He invites her to have a seat on the porch. He begins, "Now, if you mean yetzer hara, which is our inclination towards evil, that comes between us and God, then the answer is 'maybe.' Why? Is somebody asking you to do something wrong?" She's not sure. He says yetzer hara "thrives on moral confusion." Joan asks what she should do. The rabbi advises her, "Confuse the confuser. You act with righteousness and you act with kindness, then you follow yetzer hatov: that's your own good inclination." The rabbi sees his chance to make an escape, and after they say goodnight, Joan says, "Enjoy your dessert." She sits on the porch looking troubled. Boy, picture the fireworks if Grace came home right now.
The day, Grace follows Joan into the auditorium, complaining, "Girardi! What the hell made you think you could just drop by my place?" Joan: "Well, you never said I couldn't!" Grace figures Joan has the brains to deduce that from what she refers to as her "general vibe." Joan says, "Oh, yeah, like I deduced that your dad's a rabbi -- a really nice rabbi -- and that your real last name is Polonsky." Grace is really pissed: "Don't stop by my house! Unless you're invited. Which will never happen!" She stalks off, and Joan says, "Wait! I need you to help me steal this!" Grace whirls around and says, "I'm mad at you! I'm yelling at you! I wouldn't help you do anything! Don't you pick up any signals at all?" Well, there's all this divine static clogging the channels. Joan sighs and looks around. She addresses...well, the ceiling, for all intents and purposes: "Excuse me, but I'm out of ideas. Stealing was bad enough, but if you expect me to destroy this, then that's just evil. Do you do that?" She shouts, "Well, do you?" She puts her hand up to her ear as if to indicate she can't hear a response.
Will and Toni are interviewing a red-eyed Mr. Burns, along with his lawyer, who says her client is willing to cooperate because he has nothing to hide. Burns says he's not completely clear in his mind about what happened, and his lawyer, whose name is Hamden, says he's traumatized by both the shooting and his subsequent incarceration. Will tells the lawyer she doesn't need to use her "courtroom voice" on him. She says she's confused about why the chief of police is asking questions. Toni says, "We'd all prefer that the evidence show that Mr. Burns was acted purely in self-defence, but it doesn't." Is it wise to admit that bias? Burns reacts anxiously: "Oh, my God." Hamden says, "Relax, Allan. I've read the forensics report and nothing in it indicates that you acted in a pernicious manner." Burns insists Clark shot at him first. Will asks if he's certain. Burns says, "It's the one thing I am certain of. I was coming down the staircase...uh, there was only light from the streetlights outside. I saw a shape...I saw the flash from the muzzle when he fired at me, and I fired back." He says that the intruder ran out onto the lawn and aimed at him again, but Burns fired first. He thought he'd missed Clark, but he didn't. His lawyer asserts that Burns shouldn't be in jail. Will asks Burns to tell him how he came to own a gun. The lawyer immediately refers to the legality of his weapon, but Will says, "That's not what I asked. I'd like to know why." Burns just barely glances at his lawyer, who nods almost imperceptibly. Burns explains, with increasing emotion, "My wife and I were mugged two years ago. I was beaten. Fine -- I could take that. But they beat my wife...in front of me...and they said things to her..." He's struggling with the memories of this assault. He continues, "And she called for help...and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. Do you have any idea what that feels like?" Yes, I think Will has some idea of what it's like to be unable to help someone you love who's been victimized by a violent criminal. He says, "So I swore that would never happen again. I bought a gun."
Art show. "Natural Blues" by Moby is playing, which is awesome. Price tells Helen that she did a nice job; she agrees that it's turning out really well. Price: "Well, let's see how many kids actually make a sale before we jump to any conclusions." Aw, shut it, Price. What a predictable drone. Helen says it's not about sales: "It's about display, and community...it's about young artists sensing the dynamic between creator and audience..." They wander off talking as the focus shifts to Adam and Joan. He walks up and asks her how he looks. I yell, "Cute!" Frink just chuckles indulgently. Joan, distracted: "Like always." Adam: "This is a new hoodie." It's a black one, over a grey T-shirt. Joan's looking at his sculpture, and announces that she thinks people have seen it enough: "Let's take it out of the show." Adam walks off as he tells her, "Relax, Jane, it has your name on it." She notices a little Post-It note that says, "For Jane." The camera drifts from that to Father Mallory, who I suppose must have been invited by Helen. He reads the description: "Ascension. Hmm. That's very apropos." Joan notes his collar and asks, "Are you a priest?" He says, "Roman Catholic, yes." She grabs his arm and steers him along with her to one side. He looks at her name tag and says, "Hey, you're Joan Girardi! Hasn't your mother ever mentioned me to you?" Uh, dude...what about that whole pesky confidentiality thing? Shouldn't he be a little more discreet? He seems to remember himself when he says, "We --- uh, she invited me here today." Joan could not care less: "Oh. That's great. Would God ever ask a person to do something wrong?"
He wonders what she means by "ask." Joan: "Well, 'want' or...'require.'" Father Mallory confidently says, "God doesn't ask his children to do evil." Joan: "Well, what about the whole Inquisition/torture business?" Father Mallory give a short little sigh and comments, "Well, you really are a lot like your mother." Heh. He says, "I would explain the Inquisition as a case of men being duped by the adversary..." Joan interrupts, pointing her finger at him, "The adversary! Ha! Like Satan." The priest replies, "I realize it sounds melodramatic, but yes." Joan: "So the devil really exists?" Father Mallory: "Well, one of his best tricks is to get people to believe he doesn't exist. Or, to take on the guise of our Lord." That disturbs Joan: "The Devil imitates God?" Father Mallory: "In essence." Joan: "Is he any good?" The priest says, "Very good. In fact, in the Book of Revelations [sic] it tells us that when the Antichrist first appears, even the most godly may be fooled." Joan laughs and relaxes a little, saying, "Yeah, like when you first hear Dave Matthews and you think he's good, but...he's not." Hee! Father Mallory doesn't know who Dave Matthews is.
Joan's attention is grabbed by her mother's elated voice across the room: "You sold it?" Adam tells her, "Five hundred dollars." Helen says, "Adam! That's amazing." They're jumping around, and Joan wanders over, saying, "This is a creepy development." Helen tells her that Adam sold his piece. Helen zips off: "I'm going to go rub Price's nose in this!" Adam asks Joan not to get mad, but indicates an old lady browsing nearby who offered him money. Joan takes the cheque, and opens her mouth and eyes wide when she sees the amount. Adam says, "I know, I'm sorry, but I'll make you another one, okay?" Helen motions to Adam and tells him to bring his check over to a slightly chagrined-looking Vice-Principal. Joan stands there with her mouth hanging slightly open, and then catches Security Guard God looking at her with disapproval from the back of the room. That sort of creeped me out, because I don't think we've seen an instance since the first episode where God was just watching Joan and not talking to her. And when that happened, it was Cute Guy God, and she didn't believe he was God yet. I don't think there have been any other such instances, but if I'm wrong, I'm sure someone's posting about in the forums at this very moment. As Joan turns around to look at Adam's sculpture and ponder her options, we hear the lyrics, "Don't nobody know my troubles with God." Man, if you want to have a show that provides millions of thematic soundtrack options, do a show about God. I kinda envy the music director on this show.
Kevin and Luke are in a hobby shop together. Luke is concerned about whether a particular magnet is powerful enough for his needs. While he's rambling on about rail guns and compulsators, Kevin's filling his pockets with small bottles of paint for his models. Luke's oblivious. Kevin barks, "Give me the magnet!" Luke hands it over, saying, "Wow. Mr. Big Bucks has a job and wants to show off. Thanks." Kevin pockets the magnet and grabs one more bottle of paint. Luke's confused: "What are you doing?" Kevin backs up toward the counter and says, "It's called the wheelchair discount." Kevin puts the single bottle on the counter with a big fake smile. The old guy running the register asks if that's all. Kevin says yeah. Luke: "Kev..." Kevin: "What? Shut up." Luke: "Give me the magnet." He says it quietly, but just loud enough for the shopkeeper to hear. Kevin, noticing that the guy has heard, pulls it out and hands it to Luke, saying, "Fine. Be jelly. I'm just trying to help you out here." The shopkeeper seems confused about what's going on and what to do about it. Luke: "Be that as it may..." Kevin asks the shopkeeper defiantly: "You want me to empty out my pockets or anything?" The shopkeeper says it's okay. Kevin adds, "'Cause sometimes my chair sets off the alarm." The shopkeeper tells him the tally for the paint, and Kevin hands him a bill. While the guy gets his change, Kevin mutters to Luke, "See? It's like being invisible. Isn't that one of those geek powers you always wish for?" Luke looks ashamed and uncomfortable; he says nothing. He asks the shopkeeper if that's the strongest magnet he's got. The guy says it is, and that it's $6.49. As Luke gets his wallet out, Kevin says, "That's $6.49 you could have saved." He wheels toward the door. Luke hands the guy a bill and says quietly, "Keep the change." Incredulous, he asks: "Out of a twenty?" Kevin hears this and turns and looks at Luke. Luke just gives him a sidelong glance. Michael Welch could do "shifty" really well if he decided to. Kevin, resigned, wheels back to the counter and puts the four bottles of paint he didn't pay for on the counter. Nobody says anything until Kevin's left. The shopkeeper is still holding Luke's money in mid-air. Luke apologizes and says he'll pay for the paint. As the shopkeeper bags everything, he remarks, "Poor guy, right? I mean, he's got it tough, poor bastard." Luke gets mad: "Okay. See, what you're, what you're doing, right there? You might as well spit on him. It even makes me want to steal from you." He smacks the counter lightly a couple of times in frustration. "I know you're trying to be a nice guy here but still, I'd like to smash your face." He snatches the bag and marches out. Great work by both boys, but especially Michael Welch.
Joan is walking slowly down the sidewalk when Power-walking God appears again. She's all energetic and huffy-puffy until Joan gives her a sharp glance. Then she slows down a bit, as Joan says, "I'm having second thoughts about you." Power-walking God explains, "It's called a crisis of faith. It's all right. It's not really faith if there's no crisis. Faith is an act of will, not a feeling." Joan wonders, "How do I know you're not the Devil? You asked me to do something, which I didn't do, and a good thing happened to Adam. Why would God want a good thing not to happen?" Power-walking God, who has the reassuring demeanour of a soccer mom, replies, "I understand you're confused. But there are no dilemmas without confusion, there's no free will without dilemmas, and there's no humanity without free will." Interesting, but it won't fit on a t-shirt very neatly now, will it? What good is philosophy that won't fit on a t-shirt? How will people know what you think? Joan sits down at the bus stop, saying in frustration, "I don't understand what you're saying. It's all just blah, blah, blah." Power-walking God blithely assures her: "It's not for now. It's for later." Hmm. Intriguing. Joan asks: "Are you really God?" She says, "You know I am." Joan laughs mirthlessly and says, "You know I don't know you are." But...if you know that she knows that you don't know...then you must believe she's God. Ah, Joan's thought of that: "Maybe you don't know because you aren't really God or maybe I'm crazy and I'm sitting here talking to thin air."
Power-walking God acknowledges Joan's confusion. Joan lists all the things she's tried in order to comply with God's request: "What else is there? I mean...you want me to smash it?" Power-walking God smiles and replies, "Don't blame me for your failure of imagination. What you have to ask yourself is: What are you going to do now? That's what I'm all about: your chance to do the right thing. That's how you know I'm who I am. That's how you shall know me from all others. What are going to do now? Every new decision is another chance to do the right thing. You don't get that from the other side." Not to mention that the other side's loyalty program is to die for. Joan persists: "What's wrong with Adam making a little bit of money? I mean, if you took a second to explain it --" Power-walking God interrupts, "If I explain it to you, then there's no need for faith. Remember, Joan: it's all about what you do ." She grabs her weights and gets up, reminding Joan not to be late for school.
Joan's in the administrative office getting a lecture from her mother: "How can you be late for school? You left home before I did." Couldn't God at least fix Joan up with a pile of late slips or something? Helen grabs a hank of Joan's hair and sniffs it, asking, "You didn't stop somewhere and smoke cigarettes?" Joan jerks her head away from her mother in irritation. Just then Adam comes out of Price's office, followed by Price, who says, "Mr. Rove, you are making a huge mistake." Adam: "You have to say that." Price: "You cannot go out into the world without finishing high school." Adam: "I'm an artist, yo. What do I care about school for?" He notices Helen and Joan and says, "Hey, it's Bastille Day, Jane. I'm a free man." Joan asks if he's quitting school. Adam explains that his dad won't let him leave school unless he can pay rent: "I got, like, $500 off that one piece." Joan: "You can't live on $500!" Adam says he has twenty more artworks at home: "So I can pay my dad rent and work on my art." Price predicts he'll end up on the street. Adam, full of some crazy new bravado: "Dude. I won the art show. I'm hot." Wow, he won, in addition to selling his piece? Helen tries her hand: "Listen to me. An education will make you a deeper artist." Adam says, "Mrs. Girardi, listen. My stuff comes from the inside, okay? From the heart. Not the brain. And school is a brain specialism." He turns to Price and says, "You're all about the brain. You got no heart." To Joan: "Jane, don't worry. We'll still be able to hang out, okay?" Price says, through a fairly clenched jaw, "I believe the pertinent phrase is, 'You can't win 'em all.'" Helen and Joan just look at him. I think they're disappointed that, in this case, Price seems to be backing down easily. He heads back to his office, saying, "I mean, what are you going to do?" Well, Joan seems to have decided what's she going to do .
Oh, man. I knew this was coming the first time I watched it, and I still wanted my teddy and a blankie. And now I have to watch it for the fourth or fifth time. Joan bursts through the doors to the auditorium. Somewhere en route she tied her hair up into a messy ponytail. She throws off her shoulder bag, and grabs the first thing that comes to hand: a folding chair. She starts smashing Adam's sculpture. I feel like my heart is shooting out through the top of my head. The noise attracts teachers and students, who start running in. A teacher shouts at Joan to stop it, but she doesn't, so the teacher directs someone to go get Price. Joan finally stops when the piece is fairly destroyed. She stands there panting, taking in what she's done. She looks around behind her, and along with the others, Adam is standing there. His face is a broken-hearted question mark. His mouth moves somewhat, but nothing emerges. He runs out. Joan looks at the handful of students staring at her at her like she's nuts, and gets an even stronger sense of the horrible thing she's done. She looks back at the ruins of Ascension. Awesome work by both Amber and Chris.
Thank God for commercials. I need to meditate or get therapy or something. I'm all verklempt.
Joan, her parents, and Adam are all in Price's office. Price announces, "All right, here's the situation. Mr. Rove refuses to lodge a complaint, which means there are no grounds to have you arrested." Joan turns around to look at Adam, who looks away. Price says he's suspending her for three days, for vandalism and "brandishing a weapon on school property." Joan: "Excuse me, it was a chair." Joan, it just might be a good idea to shut it at this particular moment. Her father admonishes her. Price says the only reason she's not being expelled is that her father is the chief of police and her mother is a school employee. No, he actually says it's because they agreed to get her some counselling. But you know it's really the other stuff. It would be pretty goofy if she got expelled trying to keep Adam from quitting. He tells her she owes Adam an apology. Joan turns to speak to Adam, but he gets up and leaves, telling everyone, "Soon as I make another sale, I'm outta here." Joan's all teary-eyed and bolts after him.
She hustles down the hallway beside him, holding his sleeve, begging him not to be mad at her. He's holding back tears as he stops and says, "You know that -- you know that I make these things to remember my mother, okay, because she loved them." Joan pleads, "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...please..." Adam walks away, then stops and says, "Listen, we're not friends anymore. We probably never were." Sure, my heart's splattered all over the floor anyway. Wipe your feet on it. Joan leans against the wall and sobs quietly. Man. How am I supposed to type when I can't see the keyboard?
Joan and her parents arrive home. Joan plops on the couch as Will asks Helen, "What do we do? Ground her?" Helen doesn't know: "Have her committed?" Joan asks in a pissy way that they stop talking about her if she's not there. Helen suggests, "Then maybe for a change you could talk to us as though we were here." Joan: "You think I'm happy? Adam hates me! He's never going to talk to me again. And did you see the way people were looking at me in the hall? They think I'm insane." Will is incredulous: "What did you think would happen? What possible justification could you have for going berserk?" Helen says, "She wanted to keep her boyfriend in school." Joan: "What?" Helen just gives her a look. Joan: "Mom, no. Adam is not my boyfriend." Her parents look at her skeptically as she says, "I didn't want to wreck his sculpture! I left it too late and I couldn't think of another way to keep him from quitting school! I -- Adam can't quit school. In case you haven't noticed...he's kind of weird, and if he just sits at home and works on his weirdo art...he's just -- Mr. Price said, 'So what are you going to do?' So I --" Will: "Smashed his artwork with a chair?" Joan, genuinely at a loss, asks, "What else could I do?"
Helen sits down to Joan and enumerates several possibilities: "Say...talk to the buyer. Talk to Adam. Talk to Adam's father. Believe it or not, I have some influence with him, too. Honey, there are lots of other things that you could do before...destroying his best work." Joan wells up. Will says that destruction is not a good option. Tears fall from Joan's eyes as she realizes, "I had a failure of imagination." Will: "Well, that's putting it kindly." Helen says gently, "Will..." He asks, "Helen, you aren't going to defend what she did, are you?" Her mother says they raised her to do what she thought was right, and she did it to try to help someone else. Will: "You want me to be proud of her?" Of course not: "It was stupid, but...she's only sixteen, and her intentions were good." Insert standard remark about the road to hell here. Helen adds, "And she had a failure of imagination." Will, who's clearly not on the same plane of compassion and forgiveness as his wife at this moment, wonders, "Do we...punish her for that, or what?" Helen sorta chuckles and shakes her head, saying, "Go to work." Will sighs and leaves. Helen moves closer to Joan on the sofa, and then Joan really breaks down, resting her head on her mother's shoulder as she sniffs and whimpers. Man, Amber Tamblyn cries like nobody's business.
Will returns to the police station, where he's asked about developments in the Burns case. He says, "No comment." Another reporter asks if he personally thinks the case should go to trial. Will decides to comment after all: "I don't know. It seems to me that Burns is a decent man, but the evidence as to whether or not he had the intent to kill that night is unclear. That's why we have juries." The first reporter asks, "So you believe this case should go to trial?" Will pauses before replying that he does.
The shot is one of a large city at sunset. I just about fell off the couch. This is Arcadia? If so, I would say the population has to be somewhere between a million and two million. We cut to a scene in some tony restaurant, where a bunch of white guys in suits are doing whatever it is white guys in suits do at restaurants. Cut deals. Okay, there are a few women here and there. I can't figure out what this event is. Helen's not there. Anyway, Will is glad-handing some guy when Fellowes comes over and says Mayor Dunbar wants to speak to him, and gently ushers him toward the mayor's table. Will asks, "Am I in trouble?" When is he not? Fellowes says the point was not to take Allan Burns to trial. Will: "The point is to figure out what really happened that evening." They reach Dunbar's table, where the mayor tells Will, "Good speech, Chief." Will: "So you support the budget request?" Dunbar just looks at Fellowes, who's standing there, and dismisses him: "Thank you, Gabe." Gabe looks mildly surprised that he's not expected to be part of this discussion. Dunbar tells Will, "The people have spoken. Allan Burns is a hero. Gabe has informed you of my wishes in this matter?" Will replies quickly, "Oh, yes, sir. He's very good at that." Dunbar asks, "Why didn't you behave accordingly?" Because he's not a trained monkey? Because you never invited him to be a Centurion? Because he's chock-full of integrity, ethics, and nine essential nutrients? Will leans forward and says after a moment's thought, "There's a problem in this town." Dunbar asks to be enlightened. Will says, "You like to handle everything through back channels. You want to decide this case here or in an office or in the pages of a newspaper, instead of a jury room. You lack faith in the system. Now, either it's because you don't give people credit for being able to deal with complicated matters, or it's because confusion works for you." Dunbar replies calmly, "All right. Then let me be very clear. At the end of your probation period, your employment will be terminated." Will thinks the police commission will have something to say about that. Dunbar: "Oh, I don't know about that, Girardi. As you say, I don't give a damn about the system. You have about six months to find another job." Dunbar gets up and walks away. Six months: that puts us right in the middle of May sweeps. Maybe Will could take Price's job. I think he'd be a lot better at it.
Closeup of Kevin wrapping up his little models in Kleenex and putting them in a box. Luke appears at the open door, knocks, and says he brought Kevin the stuff he needed. Kevin asks, "The stuff you bought for me, you mean? I don't need it. I'm getting rid of all my toys." Luke says scale models aren't toys. Kevin says, "It's time for me to grow up." Luke: "I wasn't aware that that was something you could just decide." Kevin stops what he's doing and looks at Luke: "I was the perfect big brother." Luke shrugs. Kevin persists: "Come on, admit it. I'm stronger, faster, better-looking." Luke takes exception to that last one. He starts to lean on the door, but the door isn't right against the wall, so he stumbles slightly. Kevin says, "It's a reality, kid. Face it." Would a perfect big brother make a comment like that? He continues, saying people were nice to Luke because he was Kevin Girardi's little brother: "Probably kept you from being beat up about a hundred times." Luke: "I do seem to attract threats of violence." Kevin states, "Last night, the natural order was reversed. You were the big brother. You were smarter and stronger and tougher." Luke: "And better-looking?" Kevin declares, "I'm the big brother in this family, in or out the wheelchair. So, get offa my cloud." Luke replies, "The cloud reference...eludes me." Hee. Kevin spells it out: "Yesterday...that will not happen again."
Luke asks if Kevin's apologizing to him. Kevin makes a big, exasperated sigh, and Luke quickly says, "No, no, of course not. Why would you? It's an explanation, and that's enough." Kevin says he'll pay him for the paint if he can't get his money back. Luke shrugs that off, and Kevin turns to glare at him pointedly. Luke: "Of course. Yes, I can use the money. And you're fully capable." Kevin pauses before saying, "You're going to be proud of me again." Luke doesn't say anything; he just leaves. In my mind, I'm all "hallelujah," because do you know how many TV writers would have put something treacly into Luke's mouth, something like "I'm always proud of you" or "I never stopped being proud of you" or whatever? The fact that the writer didn't is a source of great comfort and joy to me. That sort of choice is one of the greatest strengths of the writing on this show. It rarely panders. It doesn't condescend. It leaves some things ambiguous or unclear, trusting that the viewer doesn't need to be spoon-fed every last thing. I'm getting all verklempt again. Hey, if you've suffered the patronizing expository antics this season on that other show I recap, you understand.
Will gets home and finds Helen sitting at the kitchen table, lost in her own thoughts. He asks why it's so quiet. Helen says Joan won't come out from under the covers until her parents promise not to send her back to school. She adds, "Kevin is mad at Luke for something...teenager-y, and Luke's coping mechanism is to build -- I don't know -- a spaceship, maybe." Will smiles and says, "Well, if it works, you and I should it on a spin through the Milky Way." She says, stroking his face, "We don't need a spaceship for that." She giggles a bit, then says she saw him on the news. He says, "Yeah. I'm afraid I'm not turning out to be a very good chief of police." Helen makes a small "hmm" noise. Will: "I don't know if I almost did the right thing for the wrong reason today, or the wrong thing for the right reason or both, or...something in between. When I shot that bank robber -- when I killed him --" Helen says the kids were bound to find out eventually. Will states, "It was a righteous shooting, Helen. I mean, I'm sorry I killed a man -- I really am -- but I don't doubt that it was necessary, that I had no other options. I miss that clarity. Everything in this job is so murky with politics..." Helen says, "Hey...I love you...and if there's a problem with your job, then the fault does not lie with you. I'm as certain about that as you are about...shooting bad men." They kiss, and then Will stands up and holds out his hand to invite her to dance. He's wearing a suit and she's wearing a t-shirt and baggy pyjama pants, but they slowly dance -- to no music, though Bryan Ferry's cover of "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" is playing on the soundtrack -- the way only two people still in love after twenty years can dance.