Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ally's Lost, John's Found
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 12.02.2001
Fish's clients are a beautiful woman and an older man. No, not Catherine and Michael. Not Billy Bob and Angelina. And no, Wing, not my grandpa and his third wife. The woman says she's been a criminal. She's scammed men for money. Richard is all, I feel you. Corretta is like, yeah he does. The woman got "big fat diamond rings" and would then break off the engagement. So now, she wants to get married to the guy in the room, but after her last sentence, the judge ordered she "stay away from all men over fifty," except for relatives. And that's against the what now? Say it with Corretta: the Constitution. So, the lady is reformed now, and Fish wants to take it to court so she can marry her geezer and get her next big fat diamond ring. Whatever!
Ally stalks over to Glenn and asks that they have dinner tonight. Okay. Ray jumps off the elevator and is all, did I hear dinner? Let's double date! Even though Ally and Glenn don't want to, they say yes. Ray bounds off to tell Jenny, and Ally and Glenn share a round of mean, spiteful, insincere "great"s.
John is watching Judge Ling on TV. I would so totally watch if Ling got her own show. She's so cute, and so mean! The best of everything. If she would only hear cheating spouse cases, or drunken bar fight cases, I'd watch every day. Ling tells a defendant she doesn't care, and to sue whomever gave her that haircut. Nelle walks in, wearing a black leather kilt I totally want, and a black sleeveless turtleneck with a keyhole opening on her clavicle. She says, "Can you believe it? Treat people mean enough and eventually you'll have your own TV show." Oh, is that how it works? Then fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you, am I on? What's my best side? John is all, "Can I help you?" Nelle wants an explanation. As senior partner, he owes everyone that, for leadership purposes. And, is John okay? He's fine. And he missed Nelle too. Or something.
In the Uni, Ray and Jenny talk about how okay Jenny is with the impending double dinner date. Why wouldn't Jenny be fine with it? Glenn's also totally fine with it. Great! Ha ha. Except for the "great" part. John enters, and Ray is all, hey John, going into your hole? John stops, and his voice gets all Exorcist-y as he asks how Ray knows about his hole. Ray: "Richard had an open house after you left." John flicks his remote, but the frequency has changed. Ray offers his remote, and says he took Jenny in there for a little "nook." Jenny and I both say, "Shut up!" John enters his hole with trepidation, and finds his hole is no longer his hole anymore. ABBA's "Dancing Queen" blares, there're lava lamps and a bong (I could have imagined the latter), a case of champagne and, worst of all in John's eyes, a spinning disco ball. His jaw drops mightily, then he makes a face like a baby eating broccoli. Poor John.