Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ally's Lost, John's Found
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 12.02.2001
Ally enters John's office. To paraphrase Axl, she asks, where did he go? Where did he go now? Where did he go? John won't say. Well, it made everyone at the firm "nervous" with Fish at the head. Oh, really? Really. So, is John having a crisis? And is the crisis about Ally? Remember, when Ally didn't want to date John, remember that? Remember? Remember that huge, gaping wound Ally made? Huh? "Did that spur it on?" Nice choice, "spur." John asks about Glenn. She says he's "cute," but that she misses Larry, because Glenn's a boy and Larry's a man. John says that Larry left without saying goodbye, and men don't do that. Ally points out that John just did that. John: "Not from you, I didn't. I would never." Ally blinks and licks her lips: "It still isn't going to be you." Oh, Ally, you sadist. Then she chirps, "Still love you!" John says, "Right back at you." Sick, sick, sick. So, Ally's going to "try and stay open" to Glenn, she's glad John is back, but she wishes she knew "why [he] went away." She departs, leaving John alone in his office, wan and tiny. Sigh.
The double date is AWWWNNN! Ray and Jenny laugh and walk ahead. He has his arm slung around her neck. Ally and Glenn walk behind grimly, like a funeral procession. Glenn sees the fun stuff happening mere steps ahead of them, and slings his arm around Ally's neck. Now squeeze...damn. He's not squeezing.
Inside the restaurant, Ray toasts to Jenny on her birthday. Everyone takes a big sip, in preparation for the giant spit take coming up when Ray remembers out loud that this is the restaurant Glenn took Jenny to, then had sex with her afterwards for the first time. First-sex-having-dinner-place, woo! Glenn is all, dude! I told you that in confidence! And do you think you're going to have sex with Jenny after this? I cannot HANDLE this ridiculous dramedy shit anymore. Ray says there's something he's "wanted to broach" -- namely, have Glenn and Ally done it yet? Okay, that is IT. Oh man, we're only thirty-five minutes in. I can't give up now. Glenn is all, Jenny doesn't want to hear that! Ally reminds Glenn that she's Glenn's date, so "try sticking up for [Ally's] ears once in a while." That doesn't make any sense, DEK. Jenny lifts her glass and offers another toast. Because what this abnormal group needs is MORE BOOZE. "To friendship!" Yeah. How about this for a toast: "To swapping! To fuck-buddies! To incestuous relationships that are doomed from the start and only grew out of the fact that it was the most obvious and obviously most fucked-up thing to do to everyone involved! Cheers! Up your bottoms!" Ray and Glenn have a conference and learn that neither has fucked his date, as of yet. Now I'll guess I can mention that Jenny has on a Marc by Marc Jacobs dress, black with pink trim, the same one that Veronica Webb wore on the model episode of Who Wants to be a Millionaire. It's a cute dress, but with knee-high boots? Not right. Anyway, Ray and Jenny nuzzle a bit, and then there's a round of slo-mo/speeded-up head whipping as everyone looks at everyone else's reaction to the nuzzling. Oh, christ. Glenn leans in and tells Ally he's thought about last night and is "willing to wait." They kiss. Jenny asks if Ally and Glenn really have to suck face in front of her. Ally talks about how Jenny's lips sound when they "smack." Oh, my god. Jenny is willing to change the subject if it's present time. Except it seems no one got her a present. Ray says, "Prime rib later, I'm the little drummer boy." Not making it up! No, I don't know what he means. Then, Ally whips out a gift. Then Ray. What about Glenn? He doesn't have a wrapped box of something, but "it's all arranged" that he's going to sing at the bar for her. Ally mouths "it's all arranged" like the deranged child she is.