Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ally's Lost, John's Found
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 12.02.2001
John rages into Fish's office. "You installed a mirror ball in my hole! What a betrayal! You owe me a duty, a fiduciary duty, and you breached it royally!" Fish tries to "bygones" it and go off to court, but John isn't having it. He sputters and stammers and talks about the obvious violation until Fish begins to rant back. "You want to talk about duties, John? You're a senior partner. I don't just behold everyone as my partner, my friend, my colleague..." John grabs the boom box on Fish's desk and fast-forwards the tape Fish is lip-synching to. "You can't give it to me live?" Fish is all, "I have a lot to say, I want to make sure I get it all in." "You welcomed foreign bodies into my hole, and you lip-synch a lecture, you unbelievable oaf!" Richard says he has to go off to court now, adding, "you funny little ootz!" He leaves in a huff, and John wonders what an "ootz" is. Something Pennsylvania Dutch, maybe?
Ally comes into Jenny's office to cancel the double dinner date. Because she would feel funny because Glenn is Jenny's ex and blah bling blah, you know all this. Jenny begins to cry. Why? Because it's Jenny's birthday, and she thought everyone forgot then planned this dinner for a celebratory get-together. Ally backpedals madly and is all, it was, and me pretending cancelling was part of the surprise, ha ha! So nobody really forgot, oh no!
Ally confronts Glenn. How could he forget Jenny's birthday? And could Elaine do a number in the bar? Elaine is like, sure! Glenn is all, "Take me to court."
Richard is winging his way through court as usual, saying "E Pluribus Unum," and that no court can decide who can get married or not. (Gay people, pay no attention to this argument, since it doesn't concern you; nothing DEK writes does.) Corretta steps in and says the court order is victimizing people other than the woman sentenced -- namely, the guy she wants to marry, and who wants to marry her regardless of her criminal, heartbreaking, ring-taking, gold-digging past. Two consenting adults -- one male, one female -- want to get married, so can they? Can they can they can they? The woman stands up and says that this court order is not a good way "to promote healing of any kind." Because when two people -- one male, one female -- get married, it's like a salve to us all. A balm of legal, heterosexual-under-God loooove. The judge will take it under advisement, and the court will reconvene at seven. They'll be there.
Nelle walks into Ling's office, where "You Sexy Thing" is blaring and Ling is posing naked, with her hair and desk accessories cleverly hiding her bits. Nelle argues that this might not be a great thing. It's for the cover of Talk magazine! Oh, then definitely not great. Ling says, "It used to be that women stripped naked to have a chance at greatness. Now you have to do great things in order to have a chance to strip naked!" Yeah, like blow the president, or marry a millionaire, or be on Survivor. Great things, all. Portia is totally laughing when she reminds Ling that she has always thought a "woman is what she wears." So what is Ling today? "A role model. If I inspire one woman to go to law school or to have a perfect body, I've done my job." She commands the photographer to snap, and smiles and poses. A montage of shots follow. Poor Ling. Is this goodbye? I'm sad.