Episode Report Card Sara M: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Rise of Randy
By Sara M | Season 17 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.09.2008
Around the fire, Ace describes Tribal Council as a "bloody god-awful experience." Prat. How dare he say "bloody"! Even Madonna doesn't have the balls to appropriate that. Ace claims that Tribal Council was one of the most unpleasant things he's ever done -- "right up there with [his] wisdom teeth being pulled." If I were Ace, I'd try as hard as possible to keep anything associated with wisdom in my head. Also, I had my wisdom teeth pulled, and it was awesome. They gave me laughing gas and I had a great time. It did suck about four hours later when the Novocain wore off, though. With Kelly not around, Ace calls her out as the second vote against him, saying he didn't know she had "that much pent-up animosity towards [him]." Yes, well, you're just that awful, Ace. Congrats. Ace tells us that for voting against him, Kelly will be the "next lamb to the slaughter."
It's Day 10 at Fang. I'm surprised the sun actually managed to rise over this tribe of pathetic excuses for humanity and didn't just give up and sink into the lake. Ken wants to cook some rice, but Randy protests that they're already running low. "We'll reserve. After tomorrow," Ken says. Randy thinks they should start right now with eating just one meal a day, but Ken claims they have enough rice. Randy decides this is too important to save for his shit-talking to the camera session and addresses the group, saying they have to eat one meal a day and be hungry. "That's why it's called Survivor," he says. I have to admit that I think he's right. He then runs off for his shit-talking to the camera session, where he says that "strategically," Crystal, Ken and GC are not "with it," while Matty, Susie and Dan are not his "allies", but they are his friends. Um... then who are your allies, Randy? Because the rice bucket isn't allowed to vote. Crystal, GC, and Ken have been left behind at camp while the other four go off to pick fruit, which Crystal realizes is just a cover for a strategy session. She's pretty sure the other four are aligning against them. GC agrees, and even impresses us with some math skills, saying they've got four to his three. He doesn't try to, like, do anything about it, but he does recognize that forces are aligning against him. "The tightest three is right here," he says. Too bad they don't give out prizes in this game for being tight. And even if they did, you still wouldn't win, because Probst hates you and refuses to admit that you guys are better than Kota at anything.