Episode Report Card Erin: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Two Spy Daddies Are Better Than One
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 10 | Aired on 03.08.2005
And now is the time on Alias when we break out the bubbly and whip it! Whip it real good! Because, so far, the episode is NOT showing evidence of being written by an ape. (It's early, though, so you never know.)
Angela Bassett's Office Of Clipped Syllables. What? You know it's true. Woman speaks like she's enunciating for ESL diction tapes. Angie's totally giving the smackdown to Dixon. She's all, so, what, you've been illegally tapping your superior's phone, right? Nice. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom, homie. Dix is all, what? You TOLD me to watch him! She's all, legally, you doofus. He's all, oh, whatever, Sloane's wanted the Blackwell Index since SD-6 and now he's coincidentally getting his hands on the thing right at the same time that the decoder's been discovered? I don't THINK so, honey. Angie's all, don't you honey me, sweetheart! And peddle your paranoid shit elsewhere, baby. Dix is all, dude! He TASKED us with stealing the decoder from the French police! Does this compute? Are you HEARING me, beeyotch? Angie's all, uh, yeah, DUMBASS, I approved Sloane's steal-a-disk idea, okay? So you just get up outta my face and get your sweet little heinie outta here, got it? Oh, unless you got something else to give me other than illegal phone tapping and overt conjecture. No? Buh-bye, then.
Apple Store. Syd's trying to talk reason to Dix at his desk where, apparently, there is no longer any danger of them talking like there was, oh, just the day before. Or earlier that morning. Or whenever the hell it was that they had to go all the way down to the Annex of the Subbasement of Dreams and Desires just to have a conversation. It's a dumb bit of inconsistency, is all I'm sayin'. Syd's all, dude, I know you want Sloane to be guilty. Trust me. I've been there. Dix is all, this is NOT about Sloane killing my wife. Syd's all, uh, duh, yeah it is. Syd thinks that they should just let this "Sloane is guilty" thing go. Dix doesn't think so, however, and he basically begs Syd to help him.
Mesa, Arizona. Home of comatose uncles and the nephews who don't really like them much. Vaughn's standing in the dark watching his uncle breathe. A fake nurse enters (what? She is!) and tells Vaughn that he doesn't have to stand around in the dark. Man's in a coma, dude; lights aren't really a problem right about now. Fake Nurse turns on the lights and looks at Vaughn. "You must be Bill," she says. Vaughn's all, whuh? Huh? With the? Whuh? "Why would you say that?" he asks. Fake Nurse says that before Uncle fell into his coma, he talked a lot about the fact that Bill was coming to visit. Vaughn's all, Bill's my dad. He's dead. THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP. Fake Nurse futzes with Uncle's tubes and stuff and asks if Bill died recently. Vaughn says no, it was back in 1979. He introduces himself and she tells him her name is "Evil Minion of Irina Derevko." Actually, no, she says her name is Rosemary and tells him she handles the 3:00 and 10:00 rounds in this wing. No idea if those are AM or PM, but it doesn't really matter because there ARE no 3:00 and 10:00 rounds in this wing and Rosemary is the DEVIL.
Apple Store. Sloane is berating Weiss for delivering an incomplete recon report and Weiss is all, but dude, I'm totally doing a good job and Sloane is all, uh, you totally aren't and you're a big doof and you have all our resources at your disposal, dipshit, why don't you, I don't know, USE THEM? Weiss eats his own shoe and meekly says, "Yes, sir." Heh. "The rest of the specs look great," says Sloane easily. "Thank you," says Weiss, glowing with pride. "I trust you'll have no problem bringing Nadia up to speed?" says Sloane. "Yeah," says Weiss, "I already did it last night." And the room temperature goes from 75 degrees to sub-zero in 1.8 seconds flat. Sloane's eyes narrow until all we can see is the blackness of his irises and he goes, "Excuuuuse me?" HEE. Weiss is all, uh, no! I mean, yes! Last night! When we were working late! We like to work late! Not sex! We don't have sex! I don't know how to have sex! It's…we're FRIENDS! DON'T KILL ME. Sloane just calmly listens to Weiss dig himself into an early grave and says, "Are you finished?" Hee hee hee! Weiss is a dead man. "Have the report on my desk in an hour," says the man who will soon eat Weiss's liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. "Impress me." Oh, man. Sloane would NOT be a good man to have as a potential father-in-law. I have a feeling the only thing you could do to impress him would be to assassinate a head of state and take over a small country. Then and only then might he consider letting you into his family.