Episode Report Card Erin: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Two Spy Daddies Are Better Than One
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 10 | Aired on 03.08.2005
Welcome to the Awkwardest Family Reunion EVER. Syd, Jack, Sloane, Nadia and…WEISS are seated around a large dining room table. (Side note: Is that the same table where Emily "killed herself"? Because if it is, I'd check your wine, Weiss.) Weiss is quickly making the biggest horse's ass out of himself as he slurps wine and blabbles about how Nadia was craaaaaazy in Paris and how he's thinking of buying a hybrid car. The whuh? In the whuh whuh? Syd says he should buy a hybrid because she has one. There's a pause, and Weiss looks down at Sloane. "What do you think, Arvin?" Awkward. Once again, the temperature in the room instantly drops about fifty degrees. Sloane just…stares at Weiss like he's a piece of bat shit on a cave floor. Jack just…kind of looks to the side like he's praying for a spontaneous indoor rainstorm to begin at the end of the table. Nadia just…looks over at Sydney as if to say, dude? Why am I dating this doofus? It doesn't even make sense to ME. Weiss just…chokes on his wine and silently prays that Sloane didn't hear that whole "Arvin" thing and says, "Uh, Mr. Sloane." Hee.
Jack, sensing a prime opportunity to lighten a dark moment with one of his hilarious stories about international fuel needs and the state of crude oil, quickly comes to Weiss's rescue with…a story about international fuel needs and the state of crude oil. In a moment that has me actually falling out of my chair onto the floor laughing, Jack launches into a speech that's basically, like, a page out of a "What Can Crude Do For You?" informational pamphlet.
Here's what Jack says: "Well, considering the rapidly growing demand for fuel in nations like China and India, not to mention the world's oil production is expected to peak in the next five years and then sharply plummet, I think it's pretty clear we're looking at an exponential rise in global conflict, along with an energy crisis of unfathomable proportions. [deadly pause] So, yes, I'd say a hybrid is an excellent idea." Here's what the table hears: "Blah blah blah, fuel, blah blah blah China blah India, blah blah blah oil, blah blah blah plummet, blah blah blah global conflict, blah blah blah unfathomable. Blah blah excellent idea." Here's what it looks like the table hears: "Oh, no. Jack's trying to save this situation? That's just…make him stop. He's…he's not stopping. Oh my god, he's really not stopping. Has the man ever actually BEEN to a dinner party? He's still talking. How can he still be talking? WHAT IS HE EVEN TALKING ABOUT? Please make it end. Please just shoot us all and put us out of our misery. Is he…done? Please. Say he's…he is! He's done! Thank god."
Hee. You just know that entire table of actors were cracking up during this scene because Victor Garber just looks…flummoxed, and not unlike he has a serious case of acid reflux. Hee hee hee. Classic. After Jack finishes his non-save, everyone kind of looks around at each other like, "Did something just happen? Because I think something just happened, but I can't quite put my finger on what it was. Also? Kill me." Weiss just shoots a glance at Jack like, "Yeah, remind me never to rely on you to be my wing-man, dude." Sloane gets up to make some ridiculous Chinese proverb toast to his daughter and then he says something about how, since she's come into his life, he's a changed man and I don't believe that shit for a minute and everyone raises their glasses and drinks. Syd looks as disgusted as I feel during this stupid speech and luckily, her phone rings and she gets it. It's Dix, but Syd pretends it's from Vaughn and she slinks off to "chat" with him.