Episode Report Card Couch Baron: C+ | 1 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Next Time, Just Count To Ten
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 14 | Aired on 07.29.1999
Fade up on an idyllic-looking lake. The fact that Crichton is lounging shirtless on top of his ship does nothing to make it less so. He's grown a beard, so we're to assume some time has passed. If you're a Star Trek: TOS fan, I can only imagine the serenity of the surroundings brings to mind that God-awful episode "The Paradise Syndrome." Although it does make me giggle to think of Crichton chomping on the scenery and bellowing, "I AM KIROK!" Anyway, as we get closer, we observe that Crichton's beard is quite long but very neatly trimmed, and we also see that he's constructed a lean-to on the beach, and some sort of spear trap connected to a fishing line. He gets a bite, the spear launches into the water, and he wades out and triumphantly retrieves some sort of enormous crab-like creature. A pretty woman (the actress is from Hong Kong, for reference) appears and badly says she wasn't sure whom to bet on. He offers to share the catch with her, and is told that in her neck of the woods, "the offering of food by a man to a woman signals his fondness for her." Well, on the plus side, the ugly women don't have to number obesity on their list of problems.
Crichton is unfazed both by the custom and the woman's horrible acting, and upon asking what she has in her hand, is told it's a map of the skies. He's reluctant to take it, undoubtedly because he doesn't want to be reminded of his wealth of scientific and technical knowledge, particularly since all he can do with it at the moment is to decimate the local shellfish population. After some painfully pouty faces from "Lisala," though, he relents, looks at it, and tells her it's beautiful. She asks him to show her where his homeworld is, and he makes a grand show of a physical demonstration with a rock that translates roughly to "hell and gone from here." A big black (no idea if he's a Sex Cop) guy dressed in the same overly mauve garb as Lisala appears on the scene, and we are able to infer very quickly that he's her S.O., but she finds him wanting, especially compared to Crichton. I can't imagine where I've seen a similar plotline on a science-fiction show. (That would probably be more convincing if the reference to "The Paradise Syndrome" weren't still on my page.) Anyway, Lisala leaves in a huff, and the dude, "Rokon," gives Crichton shit for killing a baby giant enormous crab. He also gets jealous of the map, saying Lisala's never given him a gift like that before. Obviously there are things in the relationship that are failing to satisfy her. And between the rather aesthetically pleasing way he's built and what little we've learned about the local customs, I can only logically conclude that he's one shitty cook. Rokon tells Crichton he'll never go home, and Crichton gets that starry-eyed look on his face as he says he thinks he's okay with being there forever. Rokon isn't so thrilled about that prospect, but informs Crichton that some dude wants to see him, and that Crichton should arrive by high sun.