Episode Report Card Couch Baron: C+ | 1 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Next Time, Just Count To Ten
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 14 | Aired on 07.29.1999
Crichton is on his way back to his "home" when he's waylaid by Rokon and three other hunters. Crichton's attempts to assure Rokon that he has nothing to worry about fail, and he's about to die a nasty death when D'Argo shows up in a fury. Nothing like kicking the shit out of some misguided locals to assuage those old pangs of guilt. One of the hunters takes one look at D'Argo and goes running faster than Paramount ran away from Tom Cruise, and if that's indicative of the level of bravery among their ranks, it's not really any wonder that Kato-Re's hoping his daughter will opt for the alien stallion. The other three are driven off readily enough, with Rokon sustaining a nasty slash from D'Argo's blade, and then D'Argo kneels next to a petulant Crichton and tells him, "You smell like dren. You look like dren." D'Argo, I know your sense of smell is overdeveloped, but I'm starting to think you might want to visit the ophthalmologist soon. Then again, that beard is pretty fugly. Crichton tells D'Argo to get away from him and stomps off, and I'd be surprised at seeing someone react this way to having his life saved if I hadn't watched this show before.
Back in the village, we get a pointless shot of people doing agrarian-society things, and then Lisala is cauterizing Rokon's wound as he tells her, her father, and his mother his account of what happened, describing a "man-creature with tentacles and tattoos all over his head." Yeah, I saw that guy on the ferry back from the Fire Island Pines last week. His name's Fred. The mother, "Neera," takes the opportunity to liken Crichton to a parasite, and there are a number of gross jokes I could make, but I'll move on to where Kato-Re tells Neera that their ancestors were space travelers as well, and Neera responds by basically calling Kato-Re his daughter's pimp. After a little male pearl-clutching, Lisala cuts in, "She knows nothing of my heart and less of my sleeping habits. She should only get some of her own." Listening to your line deliveries will certainly be a step in the right direction. The Cabinet meeting ends with Neera bitchily telling Kato-Re not to show weakness.
Rygel is snoring away when Crichton and D'Argo return, and Crichton snittily wakes him up and tells him he has to leave. Rygel: "This isn't the happy reunion I'd planned on." He actually sounds more hurt than sarcastic there. I'm a little concerned. Anyhow, Crichton's issue is that he believes Moya and crew abandoned him, which isn't all that logical, because why the hell would they be there now, but D'Argo sets him straight about what happened. Crichton is absolutely stunned when he realizes that they spent three months searching for him, given everything they have at stake. It's a beautiful moment, really. "You came back... to look for me." Rygel: "A lapse of some judgment I'll regret for the rest of my life." Ah, that's better. D'Argo brings up the "negative power vortex," which Rygel hasn't figured out yet despite having been unceremoniously dumped out of his Thronesled earlier, so he has to go on a whiny rant about all the things they'll be missing. He concludes with, "Sounds like paradise." Hey, he said it, not me. This time.