Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT I Am Not The Cheese
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.20.2011
WSC: "I'm leading an investigation into judicial bribery. There are three judges on the bench who are receiving payments in trade for their decisions."
Diane: "Oh my God, right here in River City? Prosecutors tend to treat accusations like facts."
WSC: "The narrative I'm building is that Will is some kind of bribery mastermind who arranges basketball games and there he introduces judges to bookies, teases them into betting addictions, and then trades those debts in for favors."
Diane: "You know how stupid this sounds."
WSC: "Yeah. But I'll still fuck you up with it. Listen, we know your hands are clean..."
Diane: "Really, bitch? How do 'we' 'know' that?"
WSC: "So we're doing this the hard way, huh? Fine, how about you demonstrate your hands are clean by turning on Will. How you like them apples?"
Diane: "I do not like them apples at all, Wendy Scott-Carr."
Kalinda: "Well, look at this, my two favorite people! For sex things! And information."
Dana & Cary: Tails wagging, but feeling weird about how they had virtual lesbian sex with her last night.
Kalinda: "Get home all right?"
Dana: "Um..."
Kalinda: "Cary, did you sleep all right?"
Dana & Cary: "She knows! Our lesbian secret!"
Kalinda: "Nice jacket, Dana."
Dana: "Thanks! I bought it at the lesbian store. I remembered what brand from how I stared awkwardly at the label in back of your jacket for a million years that time, and then bought it."
Kalinda: "Is that to make Cary want you more, or because it's like you're having sex with me by wearing a same jacket?"
Dana: "Both! Everything is so weird right now!"
Diane: "Well, so nice of you to drop by. I will be dealing out some justice of my own on you assholes."
WSC: "Thank you so much for your time."
Diane: "No, thank you so much for wasting mine."
Kalinda: "Diane, we need to talk for a sec."
Diane: "That much is very goddamn clear."
Kalinda: "Bye, Two Favorite People!"
Dana & Cary: Hands in pockets, blushing, kicking at the carpet, mumbling.
That's mission creep, too. Watch.
NOT A SMOKING SECTION
Diane: "Hey, you're being investigated."
Will: "Yeah, I totally know that? It's fine."
Diane: "No, it's heating up. Kalinda was wrong for the first time in a long time. Peter's got Wendy Scott-Carr up our asses. She just tried to turn me."
Will: "I know all about this. It's about Lemond Bishop."
Diane: "No, you idiot, listen to me talking. It is now about you. Just you."
Will: "They are trying to scare you."
Diane: "They have succeeded. Listen, they have shit on you."
Will: "I am squeaky cl..."
Diane: "Please. This particular thing, of the billion creepster things you do, is about judicial bribes and the Wednesday night basketball games. [The basics.] Look, don't say anything to me, I don't want to know or be subpoenaed. But fix it."
Will: "But it's not..."
Diane: "Oh my God Will. We used to have a shorthand. Fine, I will spell it out. This is an SA fishing expedition, to sink us as a firm, because you are fucking Peter Florrick's wife."
Will: "Harsh!"
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