Episode Report Card Joe R: A | 1632 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT The Winner of the Ham Battle is You
By Joe R | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2010.07.25
At Don's Sad Pad, he answers a knock at the door to be greeted with a "Happy Thanksgiving" from a woman who, while I could mince words and waste both our time, is plainly a prostitute. We know this because Don pulls out his wallet immediately after she enters, because her sleek, revealing black dress speaks volumes, and because she starts shtupping Don with the dispassionate workmanship of a real pro. Cut to this proud woman riding atop a naked Don Draper (pretty much filling in the Webster's entry for "nice work if you can get it") as she calmly announces her intentions to remove her brassiere. And who could blame her, that thing's so pointed, it looks like she's wearing twin Travelocity gnomes. Don's like, "Wait, not yet [...AMC won't let us show your boobs]," but Prostitunia admonishes him not to tell her what to do. "I know what you want," she continues. And then she starts slapping him. Hard. Harder. Not that it should come as any surprise to anyone that Don would want this kind of treatment in the bedroom. After all those years married to Betty? At least now he's not getting frostbite.
Some time later, Prostitunia wakes Don up with news of a phone call. Normally she wouldn't answer, but it was the third try. Perturbed, Don takes the call. On the other line, of course, is Peggy. Was there even a question? "I need $280 for bail," she tells him. Of course she does! Though, honestly, after bailing out Don and Bobbie Barrett, Don does kind of owe Peggy one in this arena. Prostitunia takes off as Peggy hesitates to tell Don the reason. She gingerly explains the Sugarberry stunt, making sure to mention that they got them to increase their media budget. Then she mentions the actresses and how one is pressing charges against the other. "It's $80 bail and a hundred each to keep their mouths shut." Don asks why she isn't calling Pete. Peggy takes a drag of her smoke and asks if he thinks he's her first call.
Cut to Don answering the door to Peggy, who is accompanied by a diminutive gentleman-caller type, hanging back, holding a casserole dish. Don starts reading her the riot act about how he doesn't think this is funny or cute (it is) and how they should have run this by him first, and they all look like fools now (they don't, and they won't if he'll just hand over the cash, but whatevs, he's making a point). Short Guy -- Mark -- steps up to tell Don to take it easy on Peggy, at which point Don snaps at him too: "Who are you?" Mark feebly introduces himself as Peggy's fiancé. Oh REALLY? Don barely registers this as news, and Peggy tells him, quietly, "don't." Don rifles through his wallet for the cash and asks what she brought Mark up for if she didn't want him involved. Peggy's a big girl, though, and she takes her lumps and collects the money. After Don shuts his door, she turns to Mark: "Fiancé?" Mark: "It just came out."