Episode Report Card Megyn: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Return of the Jab-eye
By Megyn | Season 4 | Episode 9 | Aired on 01.06.2001
The O'Reily pod. Ryan's doing push-ups while Cyril sits on the floor, legs splayed in front of him, and five-year-olds that he misses his mama. Cyril is doing that nervous/anxious foot-shaking thing that conveys, if the note my cat just handed is me correct, that he's on the verge of some kind of breakdown or fit of rage. Ryan says he misses her too. Cyril asks why she had to die. Ryan: "I've told you a thousand times, Cyril. The cancer ate her up." Way to be a soother, Ryan. It's okay, though; I still love you. Passionately. Ryan spies with his beautiful eyes White, lurking outside the pod. He tells Cyril to go watch Miss Sally. Cyril follows Ryan's gaze and sees White lurking outside. He looks sort of disappointed, but agrees and gets up. I know I tend to make fun of Cyril because I usually don't buy the baby-talk way Scott Winters plays the role, but that was a good scene. I felt for him. Now if I can just avoid Djb's calls so he can't disown me. I'm NOT a sell-out!
Enter Sniffy McNosecandy to acquire more tits from Ryan. Ryan basically tells him that tits don't grow on trees, and since the array of possible jokes is just endless here, I'll keep the recap moving and let you kids amuse yourselves at home. Ryan starts with the set-up du jour and winces that before White got there, they had tits "coming out of [their] fucking asses." Ryan says when Adebisi ran the operation, the well never ran dry. White: "What happened?" "He got shanked, but that's not the point." Ryan tells him that the brothers, i.e. the African-American population of Em City, need a leader since Poet is doing a half-assed job. White considers this while thoughtfully munching the carrot he plucked out of the thin air above his head when all of a sudden, a light bulb, dim as it may be, goes on: "Hey, I used to run my block." Ryan reaches under his roll of toilet paper for some smack and hands it to his newfound friend. As Sniffy inhales, Ryan lowers the boom: "To get attention around this joint, you gotta do something large…Adebisi was large and in charge, feared by one and all." White offers eagerly, "I want that. I want them to fear me." Ryan tells White he's gotta kill somebody, but not just anybody -- somebody famous.
Cue the entrance of Jack Eldridge, who enters the lobby of Oswald, only to be stopped by the metal detector and the moron guard who has no idea who he is. As Eldridge de-metals, Lisa/Sheedy, who's standing there but hasn't been paying attention, comes to and asks Murphy to get Eldridge in. The guard is all, "Why didn't you say so? I'm a big fan." Heh. Cut to Ally bringing Ryan into the basketball area. They've set up tables and chairs for the interviews, and she introduces Ryan to Jack. Ryan coolly tells Jack that they've met. Eldridge is drawing a blank. Ryan helps: "About twenty years ago?" Still nothing. Eldridge asks what the circumstances were. Ryan just says, "It's not important." Ally asks if Ryan is comfortable, and they begin. JE: "Where were you when Adebisi died?" RO: "In the common room." JE: "Any clue as to what was going to happen to him?" RO: "Nah, as far as I could see, Adebisi and Said were getting along just fine." JE: "Let me get this straight, you were in the common room doing nothing and…" RO: "I heard this noise from Adebisi's pod, he had these white curtains and they just went red, blood was everywhere. Adebisi falls out and down on the ground dead, and Said comes out with the shank still in his hand." JE: "Any idea what lead to the fight?" RO: "No." JE: "You tell me there were curtains in Adebisi's pod? Is that unusual?" RO: "Yes." JE: "Was Adebisi privileged? Was he allowed to get away with things the rest of you weren't?" Ryan pauses and tells him to hold on a sec, then turns to Ally and wants her to kill the cameras. She leans down and asks, "What's the problem?" He doesn't want to answer the question because the warden will get his ass. Naturally, he's looking for compensation. Jack tells him to get the fuck out. Ryan gets up with a sinister "nice to see you again," and saunters out. Eldridge whips around on a poor production assistant and yells, "Find out where the fuck I know him from!" He figures twenty years ago he must have done a story. Good sleuthing there, Robin.