Episode Report Card 11 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Pilot
By Sars | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.19.1998
In the cafeteria, Jen, Joey, and Dawson sit at a table together. Dawson and Jen make incredibly dumb jokes about the teachers and their fellow students, and Joey makes "like, ha ha, not" faces and glares at Jen with undisguised hatred, and I so don’t blame her. Dawson compliments Jen on her wit and says, "I should bring you in to touch up my dialogue," and Joey interrupts to remind him that she and Dawson are "supposed to be working," and Dawson asks Jen to look at Act Three because he is "having a climax issue." Oh, for fuck’s sake, Dawson -- shut up. Joey rolls her eyes and presses her fingers to her temples, and in a frightening coincidence, Sars does the same thing at the same time.
Cut to TaMAHra’s classroom. Pacey comes in and hits on TaMAHra with about as much subtlety as a Mack truck, asking how she liked The Graduate and inquiring, "Are you in the mood for romance tonight?" After a bit of back-and-forth about The Summer Of ’42, which Pacey characterizes as "a beautiful woman who seduces a young boy on the verge of manhood," he offers to reserve it for her, but she blows him off -- she’s going to the new film at the Rialto tonight. Pacey says he’ll have to check it out, and leaves the room, but not before crashing into another student. Whatever.
In the hallway, Pacey fills Dawson in on recent developments and tries to get Dawson to accompany him in stalking TaMAHra at the movies. Dawson doesn’t want to, and Pacey wheedles, "I actually have the possibility of losing my virginity in a high-level-fantasy fashion," and Dawson basically tells him to go home and masturbate already because "it’s not gonna happen" with TaMAHra. Pacey says he just wants to "familiarize" TaMAHra with his many charms. Dawson tells him to quit deluding himself, but Pacey cites the "fact" that older women often prefer "young boys on the verge of manhood," a phrase I didn’t need to hear once, much less twice, and backs it up by saying that he "read that in Cosmopolitan." Dawson: "What are you doing reading Cosmopolitan?" Pacey: "Listen, I have three menstrually diverse [sic] sisters, okay? Cosmo is my savior." Dawson seems to accept this, but wonders what Pacey needs him for. Pacey growls, "Moral support!" and says that Dawson "can bring Miss Teen New York," and they both look down the hallway at Jen getting macked on by a football player, and Pacey adds, "Unless somebody’s beaten you to it." Pacey then tells Dawson to "be assertive" and go talk to Jen, and advises him to read Cosmo before pushing him in Jen’s direction. Dawson mocks the football player by telling another stupid joke in the same vein as before about the guy’s "Tori Spelling complex" and transvestism. Finally, he very casually asks Jen if she wants to go to the movies that night.
Before Jen can respond, cut to Joey walking along the waterfront. Dawson nearly runs her over on his bike. Baseball hat backwards on his head in an approximation of coolness, Dawson asks Joey for a favor; he has a "semi-quasi-date with Jen tonight," and he needs Joey to come along and act as Pacey’s semi-quasi-date so it doesn’t seem awkward. Joey refuses, saying, "I’d rather go down in a plane crash." Dawson begs. Joey refuses. Dawson begs some more. Finally, Joey says "whatever" all reluctantly, and Dawson hugs her and thanks her profusely and says he knows she is worried about their relationship, but "nothing has to change -- we can talk about anything," and he speeds off on his bike as Joey frowns and keeps walking.