Episode Report Card M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Kiefer's Ex vs. World War III
By M. Giant | Season 6 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.15.2007
In the press briefing room, Wayne takes the podium and tells the assembled reporters -- all of whom are looking pretty fresh for almost three in the morning -- that Fayed is dead and that all of the nukes have been recovered. Wayne gives a shout-out to law enforcement and the armed services, which doesn't go unappreciated back at CTU Los Angeles, all staffers of which are glued to the screen like they always are whenever Buchanan lets them turn up the volume. Wayne also congratulates the country on not responding to extremism with extremism of their own. That's kind of a slap to the Veep who's just arriving in the back of the room with Lisa at his side. It's also incorrect, but I suppose it's not like anybody else knows about how he bluffed a nuclear strike against Mideastia earlier. And by the time Salon.com gets around to reporting it, nobody will care. The Veep and Lisa are now standing in the back of the room, stone-faced, the Veep holding his folded resignation letter in his hand. Wayne finishes up by asking for a prayer and national healing, blah blah blah, as if people aren't still dying in Valencia right now.
And then he makes the fatal mistake of opening up the floor to questions. The first reporter he calls on asks how certain they are that the attacks are really over. Pretty certain, is Wayne's response. Wayne calls on another reporter, Andrea. As she stands, she pleasantly corrects him that her name is Robin. Which he should know, since he was just watching her on the air from the Oval Office a minute ago. Wayne apologizes and charms that it's been a long day. Robin's question is about the thousands of American Muslims still being held in detention centers. Wayne says that the detainees will be released once the crisis has passed. "Excuse me... now that the crisis has passed," he corrects himself. As Karen sneaks a worried look over at Tom, Wayne just keeps talking. "We will be reviewing the situation regarding these individuals that we have in custody... I'm sorry, I'm not being very clear." While everyone in the room -- and at CTU -- and anyone else still awake -- watches, Wayne continues to flounder. Does the 25th Amendment also apply to Press Secretaries? Because clearly, Wayne's is incapable of fulfilling his duties and getting the president the hell out of there. Wayne calls Robin "Andrea" again, corrects himself, and babbles some more, finally dissolving into stutters and a grunt of pain before collapsing to the floor. Somehow he manages not to say "Narm" on the way down. Wow, I've had speeches go south too, but I've never tried to fake an aneurysm to get out of it. In the sudden pandemonium of the press briefing room, the Veep's only movement is to slowly tuck his letter of resignation into his inside pocket. Won't be needing that after all. It's 11:47:52.