Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | 2 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT If by "awful" you mean "awfully convenient for Jack."
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.11.2005
Syd tells her father that she's not looking forward to telling Nadia the truth, but sooner or later, Nadia's going to find out the truth and Syd would really rather that it came from her and not, like, Glenda, the office gossip, who told everyone around the water cooler that Syd and Vaughn were "doing it" and that Sloane actually wears women's underwear. Glenda's a bitch. Syd goes back to the party, leaving Jack out on the patio, pondering that idea he had about doctoring CIA documents to make it look like he had nothing to do with his ex-wife's death.
And now is the time on Alias when we…do the extended remix of the Dance of Many Disguises. The theme music is growing on me. I now do a little mini-frug that involves me kind of keeping my hands close to my body and doing small side-jerk motions with my fists. I'll keep you updated on the moves that get added.
Apple Store. Sloane's updating the troops on the Valta computer. The Valta computer, which exists solely in the imagination of the Alias writers, is a machine with cutting-edge technology that's supposed to revolutionize information gathering from satellite networks. In the wrong hands, it could be put to extraordinarily evil use. Isn't that always the way? So the Valta was stolen about ten days ago, in broad daylight, before it could be transferred to the NSA. The Valta is supposed to be handed over to some new German terrorist group, the Badenliga. Hee. How do they come up with these baddie names? They're consistently hilarious. But, hey, what the hell was the Bahamas mission all about, you may ask? Well, it seems that the Valta theft was financed by three million Euros that were placed in that untraceable account that Syd and Marshall recovered. By nabbing the account, the Apple Store has now learned that the thief was some dude named Martin Bishop who's a British ex-pat living in Spain. (He's also an ex-'60s radical who ran a ragtag team of security analysts somewhere in California, but that's not important right now.) Bishop's a ladykiller. Literally. He killed his wife so he could spend more time with his mistress. "Charming," quips Syd. Heh. So, Bishop's still waiting to receive final payment from the Balenciaga before he hands over the goods. It's up to the Appleseed Gang to make sure the Valta never reaches the Boomboomsatellites. So. That's the mission. Recover it or destroy it.
The team goes to leave, but then Sloane calls Sydney back. "Thank you," he says. "For what?" says Syd in an icy tone. "For letting Nadia stay with you," he says. "As Nadia acclimates to this life, to her new family, she needs support. And you have put my mind at ease." Wait. Nadia needs to acclimate to this life? Wasn't she a spy in Argentina? I'm confused. Oh, like it matters. Sloane's grateful to Syd and Syd doesn't like this at all. "The thought that I did something that gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling," she says, "makes me want to kick my own sister out of my house." Heh. Sloane just looks at her a moment and then goes, "Yeah." Heh. It's totally dismissive of Syd's rage and it's awesome. He's just like, yeah, I get that. Um, when you gonna let go of the anger, Xena? Drop it already. He goes on to tell Syd that Nadia won't be on the Valta assignment because Jack's volunteered to run her through her psych evaluation. Oh, please. If there's anything that Jack is NOT qualified to do, it's to run other people through their psych evaluations. The man's wound tighter than a cuckoo clock and about as stable as seesaw on a rusty hinge. Syd agrees with me, because she kind of looks across the Apple Store with an expression of "the hell?" and just says, "Really?" to Sloane in this hilarious do-not-give-that-man-a-weapon kind of voice.