Episode Report Card Aaron: C | 5 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Death: The High Cost of Living
By Aaron | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 06.09.2001
Anyway, you get the idea. So, in order to give you guys a reason to keep reading (thereby guaranteeing my continued employment, which in turn ensures that my cable bill stays tax-deductible), I've decided to kill two birds with one stone and usher in a brave new world of interactive recapability by allowing you, my loyal (or possibly just bored) readers, to make the ultimate selection. I've gone ahead and scattered various potential gimmicks about the recap, and there's a poll on the last page where you can make your voices heard. And please, people. Don't forget Florida. Every single vote counts. (Poll results, however, are completely non-binding.) So read on, and remember: you control the recap now. You control the horizontal. You control the vertical. You are about to experience the awe and mystery that reaches from my inner mind to the outer limits of recap technology.
Oh, and while we're (sort of) on the subject, does anyone else think that we should have recapper action figures for sale at the MBTV store? You could buy the whole set and have one hell of a party, especially if the Gustave doll were to invite a few of his, uh, "buddies" to come on over. Plus, who wouldn't want to have their own tiny, little Sars? You'd pull the string, and she'd lob witty bon mots at all your favorite TV shows, and then later on she could proofread your homework. See, I can get away with that because she's on vacation. But I am so gonna be grounded when she gets back. ["She's sitting right behind me at this moment. And she said to tell you you're fired." -- Wing Chun] Oh, and also just for kicks, let's make excessively long intros Potential Gimmick #1.
Oh, yeah. The show. Does anyone really care? Because I could do more Mad Libs if you want. On the off chance that you do care, this week opens on an actor who so desperately wants to be Warren Beatty that I half expect Goldie Hawn to show up and ask for a perm. He's standing by the pool of a big mansion, pitching some half-assed pyramid scheme called "Beauty Vision" to a group of marks who are chiefly notable for the poor quality of their various hairpieces. Warren's hair is perfect, by the way. There's some cross-cutting to the wives, and Mrs. Beatty describes Beauty Vision as a "personalized life-management system." It's a Palm Pilot? Whatever. The Ironic Musical Detachment Fairy cues up "Ain't That a Kick in the Head" as Warren struts about the patio, and I begin to suspect that I've identified this evening's Dead Guy Du Jour. The only question now is whether or not he'll come back in the body of Chris Rock after he dies in a hail of bullets from FBI tommy guns. Anyway, when Mrs. Beatty gushes about how happy she is to have her beautiful new baby, it pretty much seals Warren's fate. And, yep, there he goes. Once Bad Plugs Guy (but not Crooked Toupee Guy) says he's in, Warren ditches the cigar and executes a Louganis-like dive right into the pool. And then he smacks his head on the bottom and dies. As he floats to the surface, blood gushing from an open head wound, the Ironic Musical Detachment Fairy works overtime and cranks up the volume on the eponymous "Ain't that a kick in the head?" line. Although, to be fair, I will give the IMD Fairy credit for showing a little flair in the editing room. They hit some nice music cues in this scene.