Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT All about Todd
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.01.2002
The time is 5:22:36 PM. SkankOfRick plays with her hair in front of the Greg Brady beaded curtains just as Spawn gets off the phone and announces that none of Bride's friends know where she is. I have a feeling that Bride's friends tell Spawn that a lot. Skankitha Soren tells Rick that Spawn's got to leave before Frank, Dan's brother, gets there. Rick has no idea why Skankatella Versace would be concerned about a total stranger being around the house when a drug dealer comes to visit. Skankza Minelli is about to spell it out for Rick when Spawn decides to passive-aggressively stomp out of there on her own. Rick runs after her and stops her. Skanktina Ricci slaps him through the Greg Brady curtains. I'm starting to like this girl. "Where are you going to go?" Rick asks Spawn. Spawn tells him that her parents have always told her to meet them at a certain park if there was an emergency, and Bride might be there. Uh, Spawn? I'm sure Bride might have told you to go play by yourself in some park when you were little, but I don't think she had any intention of actually being there too. Spawn asks Rick if she can borrow his car. Rick doesn't own the car outside. It belongs to Skankivia Newton-John. He runs off to go ask if Spawn can borrow the Skankmobile.
While alone in Dan's room, Spawn notices a sinister looking chemist's scale lying around and it blows her mind that those nice college boys who kidnapped her last night could be drug dealers to boot. Rick re-enters. He couldn't get her the Skankmobile, but he gives her cash for a cab. "Are you going to go with me?" asks Spawn. Rick can't. He's gotta lie low since the authorities are looking for him. Good thinking, Rick bin Laden. I mean, it's not like the police are going to check your house or anything. They tongue-kiss goodbye while a car can be heard pulling up in front of the house.
Dan's weasel-faced brother enters, looking for his "money." Jeez. Do I have to give Dan'sWeaselFacedBrother the same lecture I gave Po Ho about getting cash up front for illegal commercial transactions? What is up with all these drug dealers on all these shows always looking for their "money"? Why didn't they get their friggin' "money" when they handed over the drugs in the first place? Like, it's one thing if the nice Jordanian guy at the corner store lets me get him the next time for my morning coffee and paper if I forget my wallet one day. The good will engendered by his act of good faith will make me a loyal customer, and if I skip town with his $1.60 it's not the end of the world. However, there's a difference between a copy of the New York Post and, say, a kilo of heroin. Plus, I don't think drug dealers need to worry too much about "repeat business." Rick lies and tells DWFB that Dan has the money and he's "out." Anyway, for some godforsaken reason, Dan'sWeaselFacedBrother doesn't want to let Spawn leave until Dan gets back with the money. Yeah, whenever a drug deal of mine looks like it's about to get ugly, I try to keep as many strangers around as I possibly can as witnesses. I imagine this is the same brilliant criminal thinking that inspired Rick to give his home phone number to a girl he was about to kidnap. The time is 5:25:57 PM.