Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | 1 USERS: D YOU GRADE IT Four To Tango
By Wing Chun | Season 3 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.30.1999
Look, Levi's chick -- if you're having sex with a bunch of different guys in a puddle of paint, you better be wearing rubber jeans, because that's really unhygienic.
Out on the lawn of Capeside High, Andie "We Were On A Break! Right? No? Shit" McPhee sits at a picnic table in what looks to be a wool coat as Jack "Not McFarland" McPhee trudges over, rifling through a large sheaf of paper. She tells him she hopes that's not his report on Manifest Destiny, because hers is only four paragraphs long. He says, "Remember when Dawson put that story about me joining the football team on the web?" No, because the story would be the property of the TV network and hence Dawson couldn't put it on the web unless it was on the network's website, and hence it would have really been the network putting it online, not Dawson. But anyway. Andie says she does, and Jack says that the papers are printouts of all the emails he's received as a result of the exposure. Andie says it's amazing how many people he's reached, and Jack ruefully remarks that he hasn't exactly "reached" everyone. He reads: "Dear Homo: Too bad Capeside didn't make it to regionals; our linebackers were looking forward to playing 'smear the queer.'" Andie replies that it's sad that some "poor, dumb cheerleader" is wasting her prime boy-chasing years on a "closet case" like that. Heh. She finds another she says sounds good, and reads, "Dear Jack: Saw the story about you on the web. Have you been deluged with letters addressed 'Dear Homo'? If not, I'm sure they'll come soon. That's what happened to me when I took another guy to the prom last year and the story got picked up by the AP wire!" Jack asks who it's from, and Andie says it's signed by a Ben Street. She reads on: "If you ever need to talk to someone who's been there and lived to tell, you can find me in the pink pages under 'Out Teens.'" He grabs the paper out of her hands and she says, "Gotcha!" He smiles, and she says he should write him back, and that he sounds like a nice guy. Jack says that he can't write back to a total stranger, and asks what he'd say. Andie tells him to "say anything; it worked for John Cusack." Wow, good thing that joke wasn't too laboured. Or unfunny. She leaves him to mull over his emails.
Inside, Pacey enters what looks to be a guidance counselor's office saying that whatever it is, he didn't do it. Guidance Dude, who is young and bespectacled and has never appeared on the show before, tells him "this isn't a disciplinary matter," and asks him to sit down, and tells him that when Mr. Milo sent Guidance Dude Pacey's file, Pacey jumped into the "top ten of [his] most-in-need-of-guidance list." Where is Mr. Milo, and why isn't he having this meeting with Pacey? We know he isn't dead; he introduced Jen to all the past Homecoming Queens! Pacey looks nonplussed, until Guidance Dude adds that he talked to Pacey's teachers, to which Pacey responds, "Uh oh." Guidance Dude tells Pacey that he's failing Math. Pacey sounds surprised at this news, and Guidance Dude adds that Pacey's other grades are four D-plusses and "one very lonely C-minus." Guidance Dude asks Pacey to tell him why his grades are so bad, and Pacey says he's "just lazy." Guidance Dude asks if there's been any trouble at home, or any change in his family situation. Pacey rolls his eyes slightly and answers that "it's nothing like that." Guidance Dude says that Mr. Milo mentioned something about "a girlfriend being sick," and Pacey says that she's not his girlfriend anymore. Guidance Dude says he's sorry to hear that, and Pacey replies, "You and me both," and asks if he may leave. Guidance Dude -- showing exactly how much he (doesn't) care -- lets him go, saying only that Pacey seems "like a good kid," and that "whatever's eating at [him] these days," Pacey shouldn't "let it win." Pacey says, "Maybe it already has," and walks out. Bring back Mr. Milo! At least he seemed to want Pacey to succeed! Also, Guidance Dude, David Hyde Pierce called; he wants his DNA back.