Props, now and forever, to the lovely and talented Sars.
Previously on Dawson's Creek: Andie observed that Pacey and Joey had become good friends recently, and Joey admitted that he is a doofus, but that he has his moments. Jen told Jack that he was lonely for a relationship, and Jack said that whether or not that was true, he's still the only gay person in Capeside. Dawson told Joey that if they were meant to be together, they'd find their way back to each other. Pacey suggested that he and Jen attempt no-strings-attached casual sex.
Fade up on the Sanctum Dawsonorum, only -- for once -- Dawson himself isn't there watching whatever old movie is being strip-mined for its intertextual ore. Instead, Jen "Bang 'er and Mash" Lindley and Pacey "Getting Improbably Lucky" Witter are on the bed, making out. They break and stare at each other for a beat, until Jen says, "Nothing?" and Pacey agrees, "Nothing! Ugh! You?" She says she feels nothing too, and as the director switches to CeilingCam (the better to tastefully capture the image of Jen literally getting a leg over), Jen says, "This is weird." Pacey says that "it's the damnedest thing. I mean, how are we supposed to have some lurid, purely sexual affair if every time we get together --" "There's no sexual tension," Jen concludes. They assure each other simultaneously, "It's not you -- it's me," and then laugh. They note that they both have respectable sexual track records, and that they've come prepared today (as Pacey produces a condom from his breast pocket), and "picked the perfect locale" (Dawson's bedroom is "the perfect locale"? Cree. Pee). Pacey elucidates that its perfection is based on Dawson's and the Flash's guaranteed absence, since they're both at school, and the fact that Dawson's window is always open. Yeah, but...still. Jen says, "Grams always said that that ladder was an invitation to sin." They start kissing again, then stop and sigh. Jen suggests that they "give it a week" to see if the "sexual spark" can be made to flicker again. Pacey makes a pained noise. They start to put on their shoes, and immediately hear a door slam downstairs. Jen makes it out the window, but Pacey, wearing only one of his shoes and hearing footsteps approach, dives for a Playstation controller just in time for Dawson "Ridley Not" Leery to open the door and ask what Pacey is doing there. Pacey says, "I'm enjoying a spirited game of the fantastic and supremely challenging Sony Playstation game, Crash Bandicoot -- exclusively for the Playstation, by Sony." He asks what Dawson is doing home in the middle of the day; Dawson says he had a dentist appointment and came back to get his books. Pacey casually asks if he has any cavities. Dawson says no, and asks how Pacey got into his room. Evasively, Pacey asks if the clock on the VCR is correct, because if it is, he has to get back to school. Dawson asks if Pacey isn't forgetting something. Pacey says he doesn't think he is. Dawson points out that he's leaving wearing only one shoe. Ah, there's that non-comic non-relief we all know and love. Except for the "love" part. Cue Paula Cole's armpits.
Please don't show me your Tommy. I'm serious.
Look, Levi's chick -- if you're having sex with a bunch of different guys in a puddle of paint, you better be wearing rubber jeans, because that's really unhygienic.
Out on the lawn of Capeside High, Andie "We Were On A Break! Right? No? Shit" McPhee sits at a picnic table in what looks to be a wool coat as Jack "Not McFarland" McPhee trudges over, rifling through a large sheaf of paper. She tells him she hopes that's not his report on Manifest Destiny, because hers is only four paragraphs long. He says, "Remember when Dawson put that story about me joining the football team on the web?" No, because the story would be the property of the TV network and hence Dawson couldn't put it on the web unless it was on the network's website, and hence it would have really been the network putting it online, not Dawson. But anyway. Andie says she does, and Jack says that the papers are printouts of all the emails he's received as a result of the exposure. Andie says it's amazing how many people he's reached, and Jack ruefully remarks that he hasn't exactly "reached" everyone. He reads: "Dear Homo: Too bad Capeside didn't make it to regionals; our linebackers were looking forward to playing 'smear the queer.'" Andie replies that it's sad that some "poor, dumb cheerleader" is wasting her prime boy-chasing years on a "closet case" like that. Heh. She finds another she says sounds good, and reads, "Dear Jack: Saw the story about you on the web. Have you been deluged with letters addressed 'Dear Homo'? If not, I'm sure they'll come soon. That's what happened to me when I took another guy to the prom last year and the story got picked up by the AP wire!" Jack asks who it's from, and Andie says it's signed by a Ben Street. She reads on: "If you ever need to talk to someone who's been there and lived to tell, you can find me in the pink pages under 'Out Teens.'" He grabs the paper out of her hands and she says, "Gotcha!" He smiles, and she says he should write him back, and that he sounds like a nice guy. Jack says that he can't write back to a total stranger, and asks what he'd say. Andie tells him to "say anything; it worked for John Cusack." Wow, good thing that joke wasn't too laboured. Or unfunny. She leaves him to mull over his emails.
Inside, Pacey enters what looks to be a guidance counselor's office saying that whatever it is, he didn't do it. Guidance Dude, who is young and bespectacled and has never appeared on the show before, tells him "this isn't a disciplinary matter," and asks him to sit down, and tells him that when Mr. Milo sent Guidance Dude Pacey's file, Pacey jumped into the "top ten of [his] most-in-need-of-guidance list." Where is Mr. Milo, and why isn't he having this meeting with Pacey? We know he isn't dead; he introduced Jen to all the past Homecoming Queens! Pacey looks nonplussed, until Guidance Dude adds that he talked to Pacey's teachers, to which Pacey responds, "Uh oh." Guidance Dude tells Pacey that he's failing Math. Pacey sounds surprised at this news, and Guidance Dude adds that Pacey's other grades are four D-plusses and "one very lonely C-minus." Guidance Dude asks Pacey to tell him why his grades are so bad, and Pacey says he's "just lazy." Guidance Dude asks if there's been any trouble at home, or any change in his family situation. Pacey rolls his eyes slightly and answers that "it's nothing like that." Guidance Dude says that Mr. Milo mentioned something about "a girlfriend being sick," and Pacey says that she's not his girlfriend anymore. Guidance Dude says he's sorry to hear that, and Pacey replies, "You and me both," and asks if he may leave. Guidance Dude -- showing exactly how much he (doesn't) care -- lets him go, saying only that Pacey seems "like a good kid," and that "whatever's eating at [him] these days," Pacey shouldn't "let it win." Pacey says, "Maybe it already has," and walks out. Bring back Mr. Milo! At least he seemed to want Pacey to succeed! Also, Guidance Dude, David Hyde Pierce called; he wants his DNA back.
In the school library, Andie is doing too broad a search on the term "democracy," resulting in 40,000 hits. Jack, sitting to her, advises her to place some restrictions on her search. Andie ingenuously says that it's like if she were "searching for, say, a boyfriend," in which case she would "want to meet a lot of people, and get to know them, and eliminate the truly incompatible ones." Jack smiles at the transparency of her ruse, and says, "You know, you really should have your own website: www.annoyingsister.com." Jack, you know I love you. But the dot-com joke? Very 1996. Andie ignores him and tells him she really thinks that he should write Ben Street back, since he seems really nice, and that, since he only lives "two towns over," they "could end up being friends, or..." Jack asks, "Or what?" Andie says, "Or whatever!" Jack scoffs, which Andie interprets as his being worried that Ben may have a boyfriend, and answers, "Believe me, a lot can happen between May and November." Andie: PLEASE give up the wounded-bird routine. She adds that "prom guy" could be "completely out of the picture by now." Jack tells her sternly to stop it, and turns back to his monitor. As Andie yammers on about his having to seize the day, he stares at an instant message from "BenStreet" reading, "Hello? Anybody out there?" "Out" -- geddit? When Jack doesn't respond, Andie rolls her chair over and starts to explain to Jack how to answer an intant message when she finally notices who sent it. She gasps. He asks how to "make this thing go away." She tells him he doesn't make it go away, and that he has to answer. Jack makes anxious noises while she keeps exhorting him, "Type! Type!" He finally writes back, "Hi." Aw!
Joey "I've been cheated, been mistreated, when will I be loved?" Potter mopes down the hall. Pacey jogs up to her and starts laying on the too-rhapsodic compliments. She cuts to the chase and determines that he needs her notes from today's class. Pacey says, "You missed me, huh?" Joey says, "Oh, how could I miss you? It's so much easier to see the board without your big, fat head in the way!" and adds that she needs her notes back the morning. Looking them over, Pacey asks, "What's a cosine?" With barely suppressed horror, Joey asks, "You don't know what a cosine is? You're never going to catch up by mid-terms." Pacey follows her as she goes, telling her (again, too enthusiastically) that she's right, and she cuts him off by saying that she isn't going to help him: "I have been busting my butt all semester while you've been...well, who knows what the hell you've been doing lately." He defensively says that he's been busy, at which Joey bitterly replies that he has "a very undemanding part-time job, your only familial obligation is to feed the dog every day, and your social life is basically a triangle consisting of you, me, and Dawson." Pacey drops all pretense and confesses that he's failing Math, so that if she can find it in her heart to explain "all this Trig stuff" to him, he'll do anything she wants. Joey cocks an eyebrow and asks, "Anything?"
Cut to the Starlight Dance Studio. Long story short: Every year, the studio offers a $1500 scholarship to the high-school student who best exemplifies "the spirit and grace" of ballroom dancing, and Joey means to win it, but before she can, she must complete the course, and she needs a partner. Pacey asks why she didn't get Dawson or Jack to do this with her, and she says it's because they don't owe her the way Pacey will. The instructor appears to remind them that they must dance with their ribcages touching, and asks who's leading. Pacey makes a Janet Reno joke (also very 1996, in my view) alluding to Joey's bossiness. The instructor tells Pacey to lead, and takes off. Cue the comical bad-dancers-stepping-on-each-other's-feet scene. Whatever.
In the Sanctum Dawsonorum, the man himself tidies up and finds a condom on the floor. Ruh roh!
At school, Joey gives Pacey a Math assignment for him to complete in study hall, and harangues him about showing his work, and not just copying the answers out of the back of the book. He complains that if he'd known the "sadistic pleasure" she was going to take out of tutoring him, he "never would have let [her] have such free rein," which the closed captions misspell as "reign." She ignores his bitching and decrees that they'll spend an hour after school working on the math problems before heading back to the dance studio. Pacey agrees, and adds, "You do know how absolutely imperative it is that no one -- and I mean no one -- find out about our after-school activities [way to use the subjunctive mode correctly, Pacey!], because on a sliding scale of embarrassing and decidedly non-butch activities for a teenage male to be involved in, waltzing is right up there with painting your own pottery." Joey snippily replies that she is just as anxious as he that no one discover their secret. Pacey concludes that they're in "agreeance [sic]" that no one should find out, and says so just in time for Dawson to materialize behind them and ask what it is that no one should find out about.
Pacey and Joey briefly exchange stricken looks before Joey turns to Dawson with a big smile and says, "Nothing." Pacey tells her that they can tell him, because "it's Dawson." She glares and Pacey, who ignores her and tells Dawson that they were discussing the fact that Pacey is awful at "home improvement and decor." Joey nods slowly. Pacey asks how Dawson is with a roller, and Dawson replies, "I can hold my own." Babe -- that we know. Pacey tells him that they need painters and plasterers to work on the addition to the trailer-cum-B & B, and Dawson very suspiciously says that he'll be there. Joey thanks him. Pacey tells her they should go. They start to leave, but Dawson grabs Pacey and tells him he wants to talk to him. Pacey says he's trying to stay off Mr. Milo's "top ten most tardy list" (what is with the guidance office and the lists, already?) and nervously hurries away. Confusion is splashed all over Dawson's giant face -- imagine how much confusion it actually takes to cover it!
Andie and Jack are back in the library. Andie asks Jack if he's asked BenStreet about "Prom Guy" yet. Jack says that Ben and Prom Guy never really dated, but just did "the prom thing" as a statement. Andie comments, "Political commitment. I like that -- in moderation, of course." What the hell does that mean? Did some WB censor insert that line to make sure that we, the viewers, knew that Jack wouldn't -- and shouldn't -- date a radical Act Up guy? Why the hell shouldn't he? After all, he's here, he's queer, and I think at this point we're all used to it. Anyway, Andie asks what else Jack has found out. Jack says he's a saxophonist, a "huge Charlie Parker fan," and that he runs "all-conference track." Andie says he "sounds hot." Andie, please get your own sex life. It's not like you haven't proven that YOU CAN. She asks what Ben looks like. Jack says that's not important. Dismissively, Andie says, "Well, yeah, but he saw you on the web in your uniform. It's only fair." A librarian glances over at them. Jack says they're "only writing, here," and that "it's not like [they're] going on a date." Andie adds, "Yet." The librarian addresses them, but instead of telling them to either (a) shut up in the library, or (b) quit trying to pick up on the school's dime, she remarks, "I dated a guy from the internet once. Hideous." Hey, is that a dig at MBTV? Because all our contributors and users are, in a word, gorgeous. Anyway, Andie smirks at Jack, who stammers that he will get a picture, after all.
Jen struts into the video store smoothing her hair while the Soulful Guitar of Imminent Illicit Nookie strums on the soundtrack. She rings the bell on the counter only to see Dawson emerge from the back room. Her face immediately falls. Heh. He asks what she's doing there, and whether she shouldn't be "out campaigning for Prom Queen." She smirks somewhat tolerantly, and explains that she's "working on a project with Pacey -- a human growth and development thing," and asks if he's there. Dawson says he isn't in until Tuesday. Jen says Pacey had told her he'd be working today, but that she must have gotten things confused. Bitterly, Dawson says that isn't surprising, considering "what a flake" Pacey has been lately. Well, isn't that just the bran calling the corn...well, you know. He adds, "There aren't any especially do-able faculty members I don't know about, are there?" I guess given that you know about your dad, no.
Jen snorts and asks why he's asking. Dawson says that the last time he noticed Pacey acting "this weird," he ended up finding him having sex with TaMAHra. Jen asks, "You don't think that Pacey's older-woman fetish has returned with a vengeance, do you?" Dawson mutters that he doesn't know what to think, while pouting his way into the back room. Jen says, "But you're definitely thinking something." Dawson tells her about coming home the day before to find Pacey in his bedroom. Jen stammers, "Wow. Was he alone?" Dawson says that he was, and that he was "playing one of the many fine videogame titles available for the Dreamcast-chewing Sony Playstation -- in this case, Crash Bandicoot." Jen makes a face and asks, "Dawson, I hope that's not one of your clever euphemisms for..." Jen, considering that cleverness is as alien to Dawson as good hair or subtlety, I'd say there's no danger of that. Dawson chuckles and explains that it's a videogame, and adds that the weird part is that he found a condom on the floor that night, and when he went to ask Pacey about it, he and Joey "were huddled together like it was some sort of conspiracy." Jen looks alarmed, and nervously asks whether Dawson has spoken to Pacey about it since; Dawson says that he hasn't, since Pacey took off and has been dodging Dawson ever since. Jen looks relieved.
In a dusky classroom at Capeside High, Pacey asks Joey if they can take a break. Joey says that they just took a break, and that if this is the way he studies, it's no wonder he's so far behind. Pacey goes into an overlong explanation of the way that the two women who've helped him study did so with "rewards" involving sex. Joey is dubious, and tells him it's the worst pick-up line she's ever heard. Pacey says he wasn't hitting on her, and that he has his own prospects. Joey, even more dubious, asks who. Pacey goes into another overlong explanation of the consequence-free sex he's been offered, only when he refers to the person who's offered it, he uses the pronoun "they" -- described in Chasing Amy as "the pronoun game," and always used to great effect on Springer when a shocking same-sex tryst is about to be revealed. Wearily, Joey asks if this is "a potential relationship," or merely "a free trade agreement." Pacey asks Joey if she had the opportunity to enter into the kind of arrangement he has with Jen (only he doesn't, of course, mention her name), whether she'd do it. Joey sarcastically replies, "A totally empty, emotionally unfulfilling sexual experience? That sounds great!" Pacey says that it's a limited-time offer, and he just wanted to know what Joey thinks. She says, "I think that if you really wanted to be having casual sex with someone right now, you'd be doing it, instead of sitting here having a hypothetical discussion about it." Pacey blinks, sadly, and completely fails to seize Joey and plant a big smooch on her, which would have made me pretty happy.
Back in the Library of Love, Andie and Jack impatiently wait for Ben's picture to load. As the image becomes more clear, Jack nervously springs up out of his chair and paces around in a very endearing way. Andie remarks, "Ooh, not bad." Jack leans in for a better look and agrees: "You're not kidding." Andie, who seems to really want to make Jack self-conscious, says, "Jack, did you actually express attraction to a member of the male species [sic]?" Jack says it's "completely empirical," since "anyone would be attracted to that extremely attractive guy." In fairness, he is pretty cute; he looks like a pocket-sized Ben Affleck. Andie chaffs Jack about his blushing. Ben sends a message asking, "So... What do you think?" Jack asks Andie what he should say, and she tells him to tell Ben to travel two towns over. Jack says he can't do that, and Andie insists that he can, and he must. Jack says this is way too fast. Andie suggests that they meet for coffee, and offers to go with him if Jack wants her to. Jack pouts, "Yeah, that would be a lot of fun." Andie tells him they should meet in a very safe, very well-lit public place (which, if I may bust out my PSA Mode, is the only appropriate way to meet someone from the internet, for the first time. Unless you're Sars and me, in which case you meet at the airport and take her straight to your apartment for the weekend). ["Hey, the airport was safe and well-lit. I could have done without having to ride in the trunk, though." -- Sars] Andie adds that they've done an "extensive background check" and know that Ben's for real. Jack says again that he can't, and that he's shaking. Andie ignores his protests and tells him he's "just nervous," and types back, "Picture was great. What can I say? Want to meet tonight? For coffee?" Ben sends back a message saying he thought Jack would never ask. Andie squeals and rubs her hands together. Jack looks like he's going to throw up.
Back at the video store, Jen is reluctantly helping Dawson to assemble a "centennial Hitchcock window dressing." When she looks out and sees Pacey strolling along the sidewalk looking casual, only to be joined moments later by Joey. Dawson and Jen stare at them for a second, and Jen asks Dawson if he has a "back in five minutes" sign. They follow Joey and Pacey to the dance studio. Once there, Dawson and Jen observe Pacey and Joey briefly from a discreet distance, and then, questions answered, turn to leave, only to be cut off at the pass by the instructor, who crows about the appearance of "two more young people!" and hustles them onto the floor. Dawson and Jen protest that they're just here to look for their friends, and the instructor tells them to dance while they look. She then stops the music to announce their joining the class. Joey and Pacey look shocked to see Dawson and Jen there. Oh, will the wacky misunderstandings never end?
Look, Gap. I know the adorable stripey wool sweater says, "that's holiday." And I would like to say it too, if you would make said sweater available in sizes other than small and extra small. Thanks.
Okay, how sick is that anti-smoking PSA that suggests that the main reason you shouldn't smoke is that the money you'll spend on cigarettes will PREVENT YOU FROM SHOPPING?! I like consuming as much as the guy, but that is really gross.
I don't know why Amanda Peet appeared in that ad for the "Sexiest Women of the WB" poll, because SHE'S A MAN, BABY!
Our two couples trudge gracelessly around the dance floor. Pacey asks Jen and Dawson what they're doing there, and Jen says they're just enjoying the fine art of ballroom dancing. The instructor appears to tell Dawson and Jen she knew they'd be "naturals," unlike Joey and Pacey, who've been there all week. She asks whether Jen and Dawson ever dated, to which Jen hisses, "Not right now, okay?" Undeterred, Miss Nosy continues, "You dated, it didn't work out, but then you got past all of your issues, and now you actually trust each other. Right? See, you can see that in the dancing -- you can see that the trust is there. Now, these two, on the other hand -- whole different story. Look at them. Look at their form. Look at the tension in their arms." Pacey asks if there's a problem, and she reminds them again about their ribcages touching. Joey and Pacey both tell her that isn't going to happen. Miss Nosy says, "See what I mean? See the hostility, the way they're wary with each other? Not to mention the constant bickering and name-calling. Now, these two are clearly in the early stages of some screwball mating ritual." Joey and Pacey break apart again and make with the protest-too-much shtick. Jen and Dawson listen with their jaws set as Miss Nosy concludes that there's "enough sexual tension" between Joey and Pacey "to power a KISS reunion tour." Word. Dawson stops her as she starts to go make judgments about the sex lives of her other students and asks if it's just the bad dancing that makes Miss Nosy think Joey and Pacey secretly want to get it on. Miss Nosy says it's a theory she's developed in her years of experience, and that "the dancing doesn't lie." Dawson looks distressed, as if he has the slightest right to be jealous at this point.
Andie barges into Jack's room, where he's dressing for his date. The first thing she says after telling him that Grams let her in is, "Is that what you're wearing?" Irritated, Jack snaps, "Goodnight, Andie." She falls over herself apologizing and reassuring him that he always looks good -- "Marky Mark-fine," even -- until he goes to close the door and says he feels a pep talk coming on. She tells him -- quite nicely, actually -- that she's his sister, she loves him, and his romantic life is vitally important to her, since if she winds up an embittered old maid, she's going to need to come live with Jack and his boyfriend. Jack asks if that means she's fairly sure he's going to have a boyfriend, and she says matter-of-factly that she is. He asks whether she's considered that his date could turn out to be a "total fiasco." She tells him that the worst-case scenario is that Jack will get there, they'll hate each other, and they'll go their separate ways; she adds that she has a good feeling about this, and that the worst-case scenario won't happen.
Jack makes some more nervous noises, and she tells him that Ben obviously likes him. Jack says that they don't even know each other, which she says is the reason they're having coffee. Finally, Jack tells her that this is a level of his life he doesn't even know he's ready for. He says that when he says hello to Ben, his entire life will be different: "I'm not just going to be telling the world that I'm gay. I'm actually going to be gay." Andie tells him that he'll be gay anyway, and that if he doesn't go, he'll be gay and without a boyfriend. Sounding unconvinced, Jack miserably says, "Yeah." That was a nice scene.
Dance studio. They're playing a game where they keep switching partners. I see some hijinx on the horizon! Miss Nosy walks through the class pairing people up, and puts Jen with Joey, and Dawson with Pacey! It's wacky already! Jen asks Joey when she and Pacey discovered their mutual love of ballroom dancing, and Joey says that it must have been moments before Jen and Dawson did. They awkwardly start dancing -- though not as awkwardly as Pacey and Dawson, who is telling Pacey how surprised he was to find Pacey in his bedroom the day before. Pacey says, "Not everyone is as fortunate as you are, to have a Sony Playstation of your very own right in your bedroom. But everyone could be that fortunate, because Sony has dropped the price in time for Christmas, to compete with the Dreamcast -- which, by the way, is a gaming platform that, I hear, really sucks." Dawson asks if that's the only reason Pacey was there when Dawson was out, and Pacey says that there's always "the allure of the Leery kitchen," which he adds has "lost its lustre" since the Flash took it over. Dawson asks what the condom was for. Pacey says, "What?" Dawson repeats the word, and Miss Nosy yells, "Switch!" Pacey grabs Jen away from Joey, and tells Jen that Dawson found it. Jen says she knows, that she's already talked to Dawson about it, and that Pacey shouldn't worry, because Dawson thinks Pacey has "another female lead." She glances in the direction of Joey, who by now is dancing with Dawson. He asks her the same question Jen did. She tells him about the scholarship. Dawson asks her why Joey didn't ask Dawson. Joey pauses, and then says that Pacey came to her first, and tells Dawson about their dance-for-Math arrangement: "That's what friends do, Dawson; they help each other." Dawson asks if she and Pacey are just friends, and before Joey can answer, Miss Nosy yells "Switch!" again and Pacey steers her away. Jen hooks back up with Dawson. Joey asks Pacey what's wrong with Dawson, and he tells her Dawson thinks she and Pacey are "doing it." Joey spits, "What?!" and says that Dawson would never think that. Pacey says that, under normal circumstances, she'd be right, but that events have been misconstrued. She asks to what events he's referring, but Miss Nosy yells "Switch!" and Dawson cuts in, leading Pacey away.
Dawson asks Pacey to tell him what's going on. Pacey tells him it's not what Dawson thinks. Dawson replies that Pacey doesn't know what Dawson thinks, and Pacey says that it's written all over Dawson's face. He explains about the tutoring and dancing, and then starts needling Dawson about the conclusion Dawson had jumped to regarding Pacey and Joey. Dawson tells Pacey he's "not going to get out of this" (out of WHAT? Like Pacey has to answer to you!) by psychoanalyzing Dawson. Pacey reminds Dawson that Joey isn't Dawson's girlfriend anymore. Dawson agrees that this is so. Pacey asks why, then, they're having this conversation, and notes that it was only a couple of weeks ago that Dawson had told Pacey that Joey and Dawson needed space away from each other. Dawson says that they do need to go their separate ways, but that it never occurred to him that...He trails off, and Pacey asks, "That what? She'd go her separate way too? Or perhaps it didn't occur to you that her separate way would include a stopover at me -- is that what it is?" Dawson doesn't answer, and Pacey says that it's always this way with Dawson: "You talk and talk, but you never listen to yourself!" That's very astute. He continues: "You say you're over her, but you're not! They're just words -- they don't mean anything to you!" Dawson quietly says that Pacey doesn't know what he's talking about. Pacey chuckles, then points toward Joey and tells Dawson to take a good look at her: "She's a freaking goddess, man! How long did you think it was going to be before some guy comes [sic] along and is [sic] interested in her? I mean, really, dude! And when that happens, what are you going to do?" Dawson claims he's going to take it all as it comes. Pacey sarcastically repeats Dawson's answer, and suggests, "Perhaps you should start figuring out [what you'll do] right now, because the guy that comes along is not going to be your best friend, and he's not going to ask for your permission. The guy that comes along is going to take one look at that woman and cut right in on you." Dawson, who can't handle the truth, says that all this analysis of Dawson's love life doesn't change the fact that Pacey still hasn't told Dawson why there was a condom in Dawson's room. Pacey wearily walks away, sighing, "Why do I bother?" I now think Dawson may actually be deaf -- deaf to reason, anyway. Miss Nosy yells "Switch!" Pacey trudges past Joey; Jen follows him, leaving Joey and Dawson to gaze at each other. Could I have had to type everyone's name MORE in that paragraph? MAN.
In the lobby, Pacey mutters that he "can't believe that guy." Jen tells him to chill out. They both go into the coat room. Pacey says that "this storyline is starting to stretch the limits of believability." WORD. Jen asks what he means, and Pacey says, essentially, that it's unbelievable that, having made the decision a few weeks ago to sleep together, they have thus far failed to actually do it. He sinks down to the floor, saying that he's spent a lot of time thinking about why they haven't consummated their non-relationship and has come up empty. Jen, sitting down to him, says that they haven't done it for "about a million different reasons." He asks her for a couple, and she suggests that one reason is that their mothers teach them to be embarrassed about sex. Well, but...that's never stopped you before, Jen. Pacey looks away, so Jen goes on to say that they live in a country where violence is cool, but "gets squeamish whenever two people under legal voting age start using the correct terms for each other's body parts." Pacey chuckles and puts his arm around Jen, who laces her fingers through his and sort of sinks into him. He nestles his face in her hair, and she asks him if this is his way of telling her he's "ready for a return to Witch Island." Is that what the kids are calling it these days? He says, "Maybe it was the dancing, or perhaps it's just the romantic setting of this coat room, but I am definitely getting that witchy feeling." They gaze at each other. Okay, I don't especially think they should hook up permanently, but at least Joshua Jackson and Michelle Williams are capable of acting like they get each other hot. I'm just sayin', that's more than James van der Beek and Katie Holmes have ever done.
Jack stands outside a bright coffee house, looking very tense. He walks up to the glass door and sees Ben Street inside drinking coffee and looking around expectantly. Jack swallows hard. Ben looks up at someone whose hand is on the chair beside him, and nods, clearly saying that someone is going to use that chair. The hand is withdrawn. Jack swallows again. Cut to his hand on the doorknob. Don't stand Ben up! He looks so nice, and he's nervous too!
Back at the studio, Joey is walking out into the lobby area, followed by Dawson, who is telling her he didn't mean to accuse her of anything, but that something strange is going on: "If Pacey's not sleeping with you, he's definitely sleeping with someone." Careful what you call "definite," dude. Joey shrugs as they go into the coat room and see Pacey and Jen making out. Dawson lets out one surprised chuckle. Jen and Pacey look mortified. Poor Joey doesn't know where to look. Poor Joey, period.
Hey, Crash is back at Pizza Hut! That's the game Pacey was playing! It must be really great! I'm going to Pizza Hut right now!
Back in the coat room, Dawson asks, "What do we have here?" Jen and Pacey both say that it's nothing. Dawson says it doesn't look like nothing. Jen says that she and Pacey are just friends. Joey spits, "Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" Hey, can Maggie and I get a tm on that, please? She goes on: "You guys are so stupid -- you're both going to get hurt by this." Pacey says that nobody's going to get hurt. Jen says that they've both agreed their emotions aren't in it. Joey asks, "And you're proud of that fact?" Jen says that they were just messing around. Joey whips around at Dawson as if looking for him to back her up in her outrage, and he says simply, "They lost me at 'nothing.'" Joey says, "Pacey, this isn't you. I mean, Jen, maybe you're trying to prove something to somebody about --" Jen's face slowly falls, and Pacey tells Joey that this arrangement was as much his idea as it was Jen's. Joey asks Pacey if this is why he named his boat True Love -- because he thinks it's okay for friends to "use each other as scratching posts?" Jen looks at the floor, clearly very hurt. Pacey says he knew Joey wouldn't understand. Joey says she understands "just fine," and stomps out. Dawson waits a moment longer to sigh at them paternally, then follows her out. Jen says that she's never seen someone so worked up over "just a kiss," and Pacey confesses that he had told Joey about their arrangement. Jen looks horrified, then disappointed, and asks, "You went to Joey for advice about us?" Pacey admits that was "not so smart." Jen says, "Smart or not smart, it's just funny you went to her." Pacey says he wouldn't say he "went to her," but that she was just around because they were studying together. Jen asks Pacey, "What is it about her?" Pacey asks what she means, and Jen says, "She's obviously got something that makes boys in emotional turmoil just flock to her," and adds that "Dawson's the same way; whatever small problem got to him, he went straight to Joey." Pacey asks who Jen would have him go to on this, since he couldn't exactly go to Andie. Jen asks why he couldn't go to Dawson, unless Pacey's uncomfortable discussing his sex life with Dawson given that Pacey's "current girl Friday used to be" Dawson's. Pacey scoffs, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but Dawson Leery didn't actually know about you and I [sic] until what -- two minutes ago?" Jen says she's not talking about herself and Pacey, and Pacey insists this has nothing to do with Joey. Jen says she saw Pacey overreact to Dawson, saw Joey overreact to Pacey and Jen, and that the two overreactions add up. Pacey continues to protest that there's nothing between himself and Joey, and Jen yells, "No, there's nothing between us! And no matter what we do, it's not going to work out between us." Pacey looks dismayed, and answers, "No, it's not, is it?" Jen asks if he's disappointed. Pacey ruefully says that he is, "and at the same time, I think I'm also a little relieved." Jen says, "Me too." She leaves. He watches her go, looking lost and confused. She comes back, takes his hand, and kindly says, "You know what, Pacey? Thanks for nothing." She kisses him on the cheek.
Jack walks into the kitchen at Grams's house, where Andie is nursing a cup of something at the table. He asks what she's still doing there, and she says she's "anxiously awaiting [sic] to be regaled with first-date stories." He says that in order to have first-date stories, you have to have a first date. She asks what happened, and he says he can't get into it with her because she'll hassle him about what he did wrong. She says that isn't fair, because he's always "scraping [her] off the concrete," and wants to "return the favour." He sighs, and reluctantly admits that he couldn't go in, and that he panicked. He says he got there, looked in the window, and saw Ben waiting: "And then I saw this couple -- this girl and this guy -- and when I saw them...when I saw them at that moment, I didn't want to be me. I wanted to be them. I got so upset that I just left. So I guess when it comes right down to it, I'm not brave enough to walk through the door." Andie protests that he has been nothing but brave his entire life. He says he isn't, this time: "I keep taking these baby steps, but I'm not getting anywhere. I'm not getting any braver." She tells him not to be so hard on himself: "That's what fear is for -- it's life's way of telling us we're not ready for certain things." Jack asks if this advice comes from the same girl who spent the past week dragging him, kicking and screaming, toward his romantic destiny. She says yes, but that she learned when to push and when not to from annoyingsister.com. She adds: "When it's right, you'll know it, and that's when you'll walk through that door: When you're ready." If someone's smart, they'll go register annoyingsister.com right now, and make it an anti-Andie site. But that was a nice scene, too. I think Jack actually gets off better when he doesn't have to interact with the Fearsome Foursome.
Outside somewhere, Joey and Dawson walk down a flight of stairs. He tells her what they just saw was inevitable, since "Pacey's brooding, disillusioned tough-guy persona was destined to collide with Jen's fake sexual bravado." Ha! Joey asks how Dawson, the ultimate romantic, isn't more upset about this. Dawson says that if Pacey and Jen want to mess around in a coat room, that's their business. (But, clearly, if Pacey and Joey had wanted to do the same, it would be Dawson's business. I get it!) Joey tells him about the sex pact, and says that Pacey and Jen are "just using each other." Dawson says, "We're all guilty of that." Joey looks shocked, and asks if Dawson thinks it's okay for two people who don't care about each other to "let their sexual impulses run wild." Dawson says that if they made the sex pact, it wasn't because they wanted sex: "I think they wanted comfort." Joey says, "I'm sure that's all they were doing in your bed, Dawson -- providing each other with comfort." Dawson says he doesn't think that's impossible, adding, "It's all you and I ever did." Joey makes a "I can't believe you said that, ass" face. Dawson tells her to give them a break, because "they're just lonely." Joey sneers, "Being lonely is no excuse to just throw yourself at the first available warm body. I mean, could you sleep with someone that you didn't love?" Dawson says he couldn't, and that she couldn't either, but that he does understand the impulse "to put your hand out and want someone there at the end of your reach. To want someone to be close. To want to kiss or touch -- even if it's wrong." Joey says that's just it -- that it's wrong: "If a kiss is just some purely physical thing, and if there's nothing else behind it, what's the point?" Dawson says that it's impossible to control those feelings, and that they're always there. She looks confused, then notes that she forgot her coat, and has to go back and get it.
Back at the studio, Joey emerges from the Coat Room of Love to see Pacey moping at a table beside the dance floor. They briefly make eye contact, and he looks away. She starts to go, then turns back and sits down beside him. She says, by way of explanation, that she forgot her coat. He says that she did run out of the coat room in "a bit of a hurry." He adds that, if it makes her feel any better, he and Jen never slept together: "Not even close." She says that it's none of her business what he and Jen did or didn't do, and that she's sorry she overreacted. Pacey says, "Yeah, you did overreact, didn't you?" Joey tells him not to be so smug: "I'm not saying you're right, or that I approve of what you guys are doing." Pacey corrects her: "Were doing," and that the time limit on the limited-time offer has run out by now. Joey feigns indifference. He says, "So, you got your coat. What made you come in here?" She says that Dawson convinced her to take pity on the testosterone-addled Pacey. Pacey says that he guesses he owes Dawson another one. They get up to leave, but Miss Nosy stops them at the door and says another class is about to start. Joey says she thinks they've done enough dancing for a lifetime. Pacey tells Joey not to be so hasty: "We've still got a scholarship to work for, right?" Miss Nosy confesses that things have been kind of tight at the studio, so that there's no scholarship, but she can offer them six months of free dance lessons, during which they'd learn the cha-cha, the rhumba, the merengue, and eventually the tango -- "the dance of love." Pacey chuckles, and Joey says no. Pacey says he thinks they may have found their calling at the Starlight, and she tells him to give it up: "You definitely were not that good." I'm glad they left it ambiguous, because the possibility of a Joey-Pacey pairing is the first thing on this show that I've cared about in a very long time.