Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ashley & Teresa: The Same Nasty Person
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 14 | Aired on 08.21.2011
STUPID ASHLEY INTERVENTION PART II
Previously: Ashley's many parents gathered round and stabbed her with their steely knives, but they just couldn't kill the beast.
Jacqueline: "Oh man, I never noticed what a fucking monster our daughter is. I mean, she's the worst -- that's nothing new -- but this was just vicious. Did you hear the part where she called me a whore for getting pregnant in the first place?"
Chris: "Let your ex handle it. Not for any other reason than the fact that I have done my due diligence on treating that creature like a person rather than the goblin in a potholder she actually is."
The Ex: "Ashley, when you called your mom a whore just now I began to see their side of things."
Ashley: Rewrites history as usual.
Stepmother: "And yet everything your mom is saying is stuff I have personally witnessed. You are disgusting, just a wretched durian-fruit of a person."
Ashley: "You're just saying that because... Something about how victimized I am all the time."
The Ex: "In the real world, you require money to exchange for goods and services."
Ashley: "What a mean thing to say! Everybody is so mean all the time!"
The Ex: "Like, at some point it just reflects horribly on all of us. How you are. How about you go outside and talk to your mom, so she'll stop crying in public. Then I won't feel totally trashy for being involved in this. Your mommy is crying, make her stop."
Ashley: "That's so mean."
The Ex: "Tell your mother that you love her. We could easily have aborted you, I don't know how else to say it. Life could be very easy for you if you would stop tripping over yourself and being such a dickhead all the time."
Ashley: "That's so mean."
Meanwhile, Jacqueline is outside screaming at Chris and thinking about how maybe they should just fucking kill her and be done with it. It's pretty amazing.
Jacqueline: "Somewhere between the part where she called me a whore for getting pregnant at 20, and the part where she said California was an escape from our toxic family, I had an a-ha moment. It was like Oprah appeared to me and said, Jackie, you did your best. Some children are just born bad. And then I felt free."
The Ex: "Be nice to your mom, Ashley."
Ashley: "That's so mean!"
Jacqueline: "No, don't. Just get lost. I don't even care anymore. You're disgusting."