Episode Report Card Kim: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pilot
By Kim | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.27.2003
Fineman is working late. Ariel stumbles in and sits on his desk. He asks if she's okay. She totally falls off his desk and lands hard on the floor. He goes to help her up, and she pulls him down and kisses him. His response: "Wow. You're drunk." Triple L really employs the sharpest minds in the business, eh? Also, has there ever been a television character who was in recovery for substance addiction who hasn't fallen off the wagon? I mean, I know it happens in real life, but some people really do stay sober. Anyway. Ariel admits that she is drunk, and kisses Fineman again, saying that she thought he wanted this. Fineman says that this is "the Stephen King version of [his] fantasy." He asks what happened. Ariel says it was nothing, and then advises Fineman to leave Triple L while he can, before they grab his soul. It's Wolfram and Hart! Also, Ariel's skirt is riding dangerously high. I think I just saw her ass cheek. Fineman says you have to believe you have a soul in order to lose it, and that he's an atheist. Arial is totally passed out, so she doesn't care.
Jack goes to Christianson's office to give a speech. Like, couldn't Jack just walk in and say he'd take the job? He sure does love to give speeches. Anyway, Jack lets us know that he's worried about corrupting power, and that his mentor is gone, and that he wants Christianson's assurance that the clinic will stay open. Christianson agrees, and Jack accepts the job. Finally! God. Christianson says that Jack will make Barrington proud, and Jack says he plans to. They slowly shake hands. If I were writing the show, now Jack would walk out of the office, and everyone would be standing around, and then someone would start the slow clap, and then everyone would join in and cheer and hoist Jack up on their shoulders. And then they would take him outside and there would be a ticker tape parade in Jack's honor. And then the final shot would be Jack, up in the air, cheering, as the confetti fell all around. That would be awesome.
Grant is pissed. Pissed! But I'm happy. Happy! Because finally we learn that Frances Fisher's character is named "Brit." Anyway, Grant is ranting and raving about Jack getting the job and Brit just walks right up and slaps Grant across the face! Awesome! They totally are my favorite characters. I haven't seen a bitchslap like that since Dynasty went off the air. Someone knocks at the office door. It's Charlie the Hayseed. Brit lets him in and says that Charlie will be helping them out on "that special project." Grant pretends he knows what in the hell Brit is talking about. Brit says that she told Charlie about Grant's client, Consolidated Records, and how it's always looking for new talent. Grant catches his snap and says that it's dying for it. Charlie totally falls for it.