Episode Report Card Djb: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Once Upon A Time In Mexico
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 9 | Aired on 08.14.2004
Ruth wears every ugly article of clothing under the bright Mexico sun -- a plaid shirt, giant sunglasses, and a sun-blocking hat I think belonged to Powder -- as she and Bettina stumble into their new home at a real-live Rosarito Beach hacienda. It's shitty. Bettina calls it "a dump," and Ruth is soon to break down: "I made a terrible decision and brought us to a horrible place." Bettina gets all Bettina-y and promises Ruth, "Horrible and terrible are two of the most underrated qualities when traveling in a foreign country. Horrible and terrible often lead to fun and adventure." Good! Now even more folksy, if possible: "You know the saying that you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit?" Ruth responds that, no, she's never heard that expression, and Bettina barrels on: "Well, I'm here to tell you, you can. And I have." Well, the mood is looking up. But the picnic is probably cancelled.
"So, I was in Patagonia for a while," Billy explains to Claire. Wasn't he in a mental institution? "And then I got amoebic dysentery." Wasn't he in a mental institution? "My grant money finally ran out." Wasn't he in a mental institution? They sit in the LAC Arts cafeteria, Billy offering Claire a piece of muffin and Claire asking, "How's Brenda?" Billy says that he hasn't seen her in almost a year, explaining, "We are officially estranged." Oh, God. Just ask us how she is. We see her ALL the time. Billy makes that cardinal conversational error in judgment -- asking the Fishers how they're doing -- and Claire responds in no non-long-winded terms, "I don't know. I guess I'm depressed. I don't think it's clinical, but I just can't seem to have a normal, healthy relationship with another person." Billy tells her to "get in line" (to go to the mental institution?), and says he thinks the best plan is to "pick someone slightly less crazy than you are." The caveat? IT CAN'T BE YOUR SISTER. Claire picks this moment to speak about life and love and the greater meaning of It All when she continues on, "Society propagates this vision of people hooking up and staying together forever. In reality, how often does that actually happen?" Not that often, Claire. Just ask your stepdad. I really like referring to George as her "stepdad."
George serves dinner to Rico and Nate, as Maya sits on Nate's lap soaking in the dysfunction of it all. Rico asks, "These are mushrooms?" Uh, you're welcome, Rico. George explains that they're "giant Portobellos. The filet mignon of fungi," and Rico childishly follows up, "If you wanted a filet mignon, why not just eat a filet mignon?" But he kind of adds a "g" at the end of the word both times he says it, like it's the gerund form of steak. And besides, hating George was so two, three, and four episodes ago. He cried, and now we like him, right? Anyway, George explains that the meat industry and other agribusiness is unsustainable in this country, and Nate jumps in to agree, "Meat isn't the problem. It's how far away from the table the food, whatever it is, is produced. If it's produced locally, it's not just fresher, it's less wasteful." Hippie check! You fail. George looks on approvingly because despite our surface differences, deep down we're all the same. In other news, I've not yet once had cause to use the word "agribusiness" in any of my America's Next Top Model recaps. So you really do learn something from watching this, don't you? Does this qualify as our kitchen-table political statement of the week? Rico keeps it going, saying he heard that "mushrooms are grown in dung." George notes that "everything organic is grown in dung." Like your son's dislike for you? That seemed to be pretty organic. David enters then and they invite him to stay for dinner, but he announces, "I'm going home. To my husband." Hee. "I'm gonna go home and sleep with my wife!" Name that movie. It's a good one.