Episode Report Card Djb: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Once Upon A Time In Mexico
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 9 | Aired on 08.14.2004
Brenda is all high with her two new friends, and they sit on the couch in silence until they speak the language of sex. The middle guy starts kissing her, and the other one sits up on the couch in hopes that he may become involved as well. But Brenda picks this moment to ride a moral high horse instead of everything else she's been riding lately, and she leaves without so much as taking her small pot bag with her. I'll take it! Just kidding. That's illegal.
Ruth and Bettina sit in their hacienda hot tub, Ruth observing, "This water isn't very hot," and Bettina agreeing, "It's a lukewarm tub." Bettina offers Ruth a swig from a simply enormous bottle of tequila, and when Ruth tries to decline, Bettina takes the hard line: "You know that cold, rubbery lobster dinner we just ate? It's probably seething with bacteria. A couple of swigs of this and we won't be fighting all night over who gets to ride the porcelain bus." Man, peer pressure sure becomes a lot more nuanced when the "peer" in question is also staring down the barrel of sixty. Not to mention the fact that they're both engulfed in cold water in Mexico. Buy a ticket for that bus, ladies. It's leaving with you on it.
Ruth tells us that it's been ten minutes and the hot tub isn't getting any hotter. She tells Bettina that she's going to complain to the manager, and we cut to a sopping Ruth padding into the hacienda lobby wearing slippers and a robe. A lovely Mexican chica emerges eventually, and Ruth slowly explains in a HOW ARE YOU ENJOYING OUR COUNTRY SO FAR fashion, "The heater doesn't seem to be working very well." The woman apologizes, explaining, "We turn it off after sunset during the off-season." Ruth says that she's a paying guest and doesn't care if it's the off-season, and threatens to stop payment on her credit card if the establishment doesn't turn the heater back on. The woman sneers in Ruth's direction and finally relents, "I will turn the heater on in the Jacuzzi. But only for one half-hour." Ruth thanks her and leaves, and when she returns to the hot tub, there's so much steam I hardly have to worry about seeing any more of Kathy Bates than I absolutely have to. I know we were supposed to get something really deep and wonderful out of that conversation about Ruth not being a shrinking violet, but they're going to have to do better than having her complain about a trifling maintenance issue at a crappy hotel. It's coming across on paper like a conversation two people would have in a learn-Spanish-on-tape correspondence class. Excuse me, but the Jacuzzi does not seem to be working. Apologies, I shall turn it on right away. Thank you. Are you going to the beach tomorrow with Suzanne? No, I will stay here in the hot tub. Goodbye, Mario. Goodbye, Rosario.