Episode Report Card Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT It's a Dead Man's Party, Leave Your Body at the Door
By Aaron | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 05.31.2003
Hey, look! Someone is actually sleeping in a bed! If you watch this episode long enough, you start to forget what those things are for. This time it's Claire sleeping in Nate's bed, as the proverbial (but not Schrödinger's) cat drags Nate back in looking like death warmed over. Claire wakes up and chews him out for not coming home until 2 in the morning, and mutters, "God, you're so fucking sad," as she walks back to her own room. "I know," replies Nate once she's gone. Then he has another Lisa flashback, although this one is to a happier time when they were both trying to start over. And that right there is what sealed Lisa's death warrant for me, by the way. Nobody gets to be happy on this show and still stay alive. Fade to white. Fk = 31.
Fade back up on David, sitting in the office and debating with The Late Nate about whether or not he should call Keith. Aww, The Late Nate! We've missed you, buddy-boy. Please don't tell me you were gone all season because you were off filming The Core. I just don't think I could handle that. The Late Nate is totally in favor of the Call Keith plan, pointing out that David really misses Keith and should make the call as soon as possible. "I miss a lot of people," replies David. "I miss you." Now, see? That was sweet. So what does David follow it up with? "I miss having sex with him." Yeah. That one wasn't so sweet. "You can have sex with anybody," says Dad. "Yeah. I did that," answers David. "I saw," his father tells him. "Slut!" Hee! What is it about this room that makes people want to call David a tramp? There's some talk about "replacing" the people in our lives, and that naturally leads to a discussion of Mom's upcoming wedding. "George reminds me of you," offers David. "Huh," deadpans The Late Nate. "I don't really see that." Heh. "Just enough to make me sad," his son continues. "Enough to make me wish I could see you and Mom together again." "Well, that man is alive and I'm dead," comes the reply. "I think that means he wins." David thinks about that one for a minute, and then steps over to the phone. As he dials, we see that Dad has vanished from the room. David settles back into his chair, and anxiously invites whoever answered the phone to come to church with him that morning. Fk = 31.
Nate, meanwhile, is still wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday as he sits in his apartment and watches Maya playing on the floor. He's also drinking more Budweiser, which is obviously the product placement of the week. If drinking alone on a Sunday morning while you're supposed to be caring for an infant is your idea of a good time, then this Bud's for you, my friend! George appears at the door behind Nate, who grudgingly welcomes George into the room. After getting his own beer out of the fridge, George asks Nate what he's doing. "Watching the baby," Nate replies. I mention that only to make it clear that Nate said "baby" and not "Babe." Which would have been funny, but a little too anvillicious, even for SFU. George then tries to deliver a little spiel about how everyone is worried about Nate, and how Nate needs his family now more than ever, but Nate isn't having it. "You're not going to try and lay some sort of homespun wisdom, instant bonding load of horseshit on me right now, are you?" Nate asks. "Because that would be seriously obnoxious." I'm not absolutely positive about this, but that could very well be the longest "fuck"-free sentence he's managed to string together in this entire episode. Which he immediately spoils by getting up in George's face and shouting, "Fuck you! You can sit in our goddamn TV room and rent movies, you can bone my mother day and night if you want, but don't you dare come in here and act like you're my fucking father. Because you're not. And you never will be." Nate then scoops Maya up off the floor and announces that it's time for her nap. Incidentally, I've completely run out of synonyms for "silent," so unless otherwise noted, you can just assume that the baby didn't make a peep. "I only wanted to..." starts George, but Nate cuts him off. "Just leave me the fuck alone!" he shouts. And while they usually edit around Maya in these fight scenes, she was definitely right there in Nate's arms when he yelled that one. And yet she still didn't make a sound. You know, if I could have a baby like that, I might actually consider having kids. Of course, you'd have to find a way to plug up the other end, too. I'm not really a diaper-changing kind of guy. George sadly sets down his beer and leaves without saying another word. Nate cradles Maya in his arms and whispers an apology for swearing so much. "Fuck you, motherfucker," replies the baby. Fk = 34.
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