Episode Report Card Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT It's a Dead Man's Party, Leave Your Body at the Door
By Aaron | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 05.31.2003
Diaz house. Rico wanders into the living room to find the entire family camped out around the sofa watching XXX on their new big-screen TV. He's all peppy and full of energy, and suggests that everyone get up and go to church. Um, didn't we just see church ending? Or do Catholics...excuse me, "Episcopalians" have like nine services in one day? You know what, I don't even want to know. Shut up, Rico, just for making me think about this. ["I know you don't want to know, Aaron, but in case anyone else is wondering: yes, Catholic churches usually do have several masses on Sunday, plus a couple late Saturday afternoon and at least one every weekday." -- Wing Chun] Vanessa tells him that Angelica just rented a bunch of movies, so they're going to stay inside and watch TV all day. Rico finally notices that his house has been defiled by the presence of Vin Diesel, and immediately demands that Angelica change the tape to something a little more kid-friendly. "What they get, they get," she snarks, "and what they don't get goes over their heads anyway, so don't even stress about it." That's how serial killers are made, you know. Well that and watching their mothers fuck total strangers. "That doesn't make any sense," replies Rico. Heh. Anhellica gets up to use the bathroom, and Rico is furious to discover that she's wearing his sporty "Fisher & Sons" baseball t-shirt. Damn. I so want one of those now. I could wear it with my Tony Soprano terrycloth bathrobe. Once the sister is out of the room, Rico demands that Vanessa get rid of her. Vanessa, however, reminds Rico that Angelica was there with a loan when they needed to buy the house, and that now it's their turn to help her out. Rico storms out of his own home, and even slams the door despite Vanessa's specifically ordering him not to. The scene ends with Julio trying desperately to ignore his parents so he can focus on the movie ["For Aaron stretched out his hand with his rod, and smote the dust of the earth, and it became lice in man, and in beast; and all the dust of the land became lice." -- Exodus 8:17]. Fk = 46.
Cut to a giant room which, for lack of a better term, I'm going to call a coffinarium. ["To me it looked like a columbarium, where urns full of cremains are kept -- sort of like above-ground graves." -- Wing Chun] The doors open to reveal Claire and The Late Nate, and he sends her in alone because he's not allowed to smoke in there. Wow. Who knew California ordinances even extended to the dream world? Claire wanders down the hallway, looking confused, until a familiar voice suddenly calls to her from atop a nearby staircase. It's Lisa, which means that our long national nightmare is finally over. She's dead. Hallelujah. She's also frantic that Claire might be dead as well, but Claire quickly assures Lisa that she's just visiting. "So you're...?" Claire asks. "Couldn't be better," answers Lisa. "They serve tofu at every meal here, and I get to boss around anyone I want." "If I'd known you were going to die," Claire offers, "I'd have hung out with you more." Aww. And ooh! I'm going to die! No, really. I am. Flick, ahh. So how come Claire's not hanging out with me? Claire and Lisa share an embrace, and Claire notices a little baby seated on the floor behind them. "Isn't he beautiful?" asks Lisa. "And don't worry, I'll take good care of him. And you take good care of Maya for me, okay?" Claire looks puzzled at first, but then it finally sinks in that this is her own aborted baby we're talking about. You know, I have to admit that I find it a little odd that people in the forums were shocked and put off by that revelation. I mean, it's not like you couldn't see it coming from a mile away, and no matter what your politics on the subject might be, you do have to admit that it's the only possible dramatic resolution to the stories we've seen this season. And they certainly didn't beat the anvil anywhere near as hard as some other shows might have. I mean, can you imagine this plot on 7th Heaven? The kid probably would have leapt out of his baby seat and delivered a fifteen-minute monologue on how he was all set to grow up and become a concert pianist until he had a speculum rudely shoved up his ass. I'm just saying. Fk = 46.
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