Episode Report Card Gustave: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Tater Not
By Gustave | Season 3 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.16.2004
Meanwhile, over at CTU, Nina is rushed to the clinic on a gurney. Blood spurts out of her neck as a team of doctors attend to her. Soul Patch watches as an anesthesiologist administers a sedative intravenously. However, Nina secretly squeezes the anesthesia tube to prevent being sedated and only pretends to fall asleep. Satisfied that Nina is unconscious, Soul Patch leaves the clinic just as a tray full of sinister-looking scalpels and clamps is being wheeled over within Nina's reach. He walks in on Kiefer's interrogation. Chappelle sees the blood on his face and asks him what happened. Soul Patch explains the suicide attempt. "Who is with her?" asks Kiefer. Soul Patch tells him not to worry, as she is sedated. "Who. Is. With. Her!" roars Kiefer just as a building-wide alarm goes off. Everyone runs toward the clinic. Except Spawn, who just kind of sits there with this numb expression on her face. When Kiefer gets to the clinic, dozens of medics are dead. Kiefer asks a nurse who isn't dead yet where Nina went. She feebly points.
Okay, in the first Jaws, you barely saw the shark, and it really wasn't anymore deadly than any other great white shark; it just happened to be hanging out in waters full of vacationing tourists and there was this mayor who was trying to keep the shark attacks quiet. So then when Jaws II comes out, the shark is more visible and it's ridiculously large; it can swallow boats whole, and the only way they can kill it is to lead it over to some electrical wires and electrocute it. So then in Jaws 3-D, the shark has, like, broken into a water park and is terrorizing the employees and customers. Jaws IV and Jaws V, it's the size of the Empire State Building. It speaks six languages. It knows how to hack into mainframe computers and commit identity theft. It smuggles crack into the country and sells it to inner-city school children. It convinces Ben Affleck to join the cast of Gigli. It's unstoppable! Okay, Nina is the shark from Jaws. At first she's this woman who was simply smart enough to sell government secrets to the highest bidder and not blow her cover as a CTU employee. Now, four years later, she's got the killing skills of a Green Beret and an unlimited pain tolerance. She bounces around from one foreign location to another without a care in the world. It's getting ridiculous. They need to kill her already.
Kiefer runs in hot pursuit as Chappelle gets on the PA system and tells everyone to lock CTU down. Spawn panics and runs down a corridor, where she sees a dead CTU guard. She grabs the guard's gun. The screen splits four ways. Kiefer's gun is drawn as he combs CTU for Nina. Lady Mac is playing with her wedding ring, taking it on and off. Medics take William Ocean's body out of the Ocean Manse. Palmer sits at his desk doing nothing. Seriously? I'm going to write a macro that says, "Palmer sits at his desk doing nothing." Spawn follows a trail of dead bodies to that control room where -- you guessed it -- her mother was killed by Nina. Nina is ripping out wires from a keypad -- I guess to disable the alarm. "Drop the gun," says Spawn, her gun drawn. "Put your hands on your head!" Nina turns around to face her, completely in control. "Spawn? What the hell are you doing?" asks Nina. "You don't want to be any part of this. Just turn around and walk away." Spawn doesn't move as Nina raises her gun. Spawn threatens to shoot her. Nina is just about to fire her gun at Spawn when a shot rings out. Kiefer has shot her in the shoulder. (The spoilers were wrong. Spawn doesn't get to shoot Nina.) "Go back into CTU," says Kiefer. "Tell them we've got Nina." Spawn protests, but Kiefer insists. Finally Spawn leaves them alone together. "You don't have any more useful information, do you, Nina?" says Kiefer. "I do!" gasps Nina, reaching in vain for a gun that is just inches from her hand. "No. You. Don't," says Kiefer. He fires three shots into her. Hey, where's Tater Tot? The time is 02:59:58…02:59:59…03:00:00 AM.